blue moon (2)

Thursday, February 07, 2008

The Cat's Meow ©

Is it me or have our pets slowly been taking over the world?
Most leaders and celebrities now days can be seen parading infront of the TV sporting pets close by or in their arms.
Is it a fad or a secret plot by the other mammals of the world to slowly infiltrate our homes then when there is a pet in every home they will strike and bring us to our knees.
Just make sure there isn’t a goat standing behind you.

Theory suggests it all started in small village 4000 years before Christ was born in Northern France in a village called Bethlayhim.
The village was started by a travelling Celt who sold kilts by the roadside for a living.
As he was travelling through the countryside he come across a beautiful lass walking across a meadow so he pulled over his wagon to talk to the young lass for a wee bit, then decided that this was a lovely place to set up camp for the night.

After sharing a hare he had killed earlier then had a wee bit out of the bottle and before you know it, they were immersed into song and dance which led them to a warm bed together for the night.
It was the caw of a crow which woke our sleepy Celt to find the beautiful lass gone with his Nelly, leaving him alone to pull his own freight.

Having no way to move his wares he looked around him and figured it was as good a place to open a store as any so he dismantled the wagon and used the wood to help build his trading post and he called it after the woman who left him here as a reminder where, Beth lay him.

It was about this time another wagon stopped and stayed to build a store next to the one that was there.
The Dane that operated the new store was also an inventor and a blacksmith.
At an early age he wanted to be a Viking like his brothers but he got sea sick all the time and the other men were tired of cleaning up after him so he ran away and joined the circus where he learned to be a blacksmith.
It was he who invented the first clock but it lost its use when time stopped going backwards after Christ was born.

Over the years a village grew as did the population until one day on the horizon they saw a dark cloud approaching in the form of thousands a mounted warriors who swept down on them indiscriminately killing and taking as they chose.
Two friends rose from the rubble, one a Gaul and the other a strange man from some far off eastern land.
Called himself Lee and ate with sticks.

They gathered what was left of the survivors, what little they had left and started moving southeast to get away from their tormentors.
They ended up in a beautiful rich land thousands of miles from where they were and they settled down to start a new village.
They called it; you guessed it….Gaul a Lee after the two men who led them to this wonderful peaceful land.
As the centuries passed it’s decedents spread across the land, life changed for the region.
Not long after, about 2000 years the village was so big and crowded with people, many started moving out of Gaul a Lee to go to the Dunes about 600 miles away and started a new small village moved.
They wanted to honor their forefathers by naming the new village with the name of the old one that they had fled but no one could exactly remember what it was but Bethlehem sounded close enough so that’s what the called it.

Two thousand years past and the world grew steadily, bringing more and more people together.
Things were not always quiet, war was constant and conquest or defeat determined how you live the rest of you life.
Man a beast were slaughter for another man’s greed, leaving its carnage across the sand for all to see as the thirsty ground soaked up the blood.

On a cold autumn night the sky lit up around a small stable.
It was the weirdest thing you ever saw and all of a sudden all the animals in that stable understood each other’s language.
The chicken walked up to the duck and said hello.
The pig freaked out on the rooster for waking him up every morning.
The dog growled at the cat and told her he would get her one-day.
The cat told him only in his dreams.
The donkey went to the jackass and told him his was bigger.

As they were all chatting at each other the old rooster jumped on a bale of hay and told them all to be quiet and to listen to him.
He said for whatever reason the did not know they could all understand each other for the moment and didn’t know how long it would last.
They should quickly figure out a way to communicate if and when they loose their present ability.
They all agreed with the rooster and started thinking of ideas.

After thinking for half the night they came up with a series of sounds that mean words to form sentences with.
They spent the rest of the night practicing until the sun came up and just as their gift had appeared it now vanished once more but because they took that one moment to prepare for it, they now had a means for them to talk to each other with.
The old rooster walked up to the cow and let out a set of sounds saying Hello.
The cow repeated it in reply.
It worked, the animals could now communicate and they could teach their offspring the language to.
The young would like school, if not, they could eat them.

As the centuries passed, the animals started getting tired of being abused by the humans and wanted to be free of their bonds but even though the humans are stupid, they were to big and strong to physically fight so they had to take over slowly over a long period of time and through infiltration but first they needed to gain the humans trust.

They had find a way to be welcomed into their homes so the mice were called into action to infest people’s dwellings so much so that cats were quickly kept to deal with the mice.
By creating the necessity, the cats were welcomed into their homes.
It was the same with the dogs; the foxes went in to induce the chickens start a commotion and even sacrificed some of the older ones for effect so that the humans would need the dogs to scare the foxes away.

They planned well, over the years they have multiplied among us and started taking over our minds threw.
The smart Egyptians worshipped cats like gods.
Slowly more and more animals were being brought in the houses but now as pets, even mice.

They enslave you slowly without you even noticing then they train you to serve them like royalty.
Like Pavlov’s dog, they bark or meow and we run to obey.
We feed them and clean out their toilets.
We work our butts off so that we could pay RIDICULOUS vet fees.

The other day while walking back from the 7-11 I spied my SIL at the park chasing her now bigger and faster puppy, screaming at him like Fran Drescher from the Nanny voice to stop and come back to her.
I looked down at the sidewalk and walked faster to get home before she saw me and asked to help.
She should have bought a three-legged dog; it would probably run faster than her too.

She called me the other day and asked me what I wanted for me birthday and I told her a red head with big tits.
She said she could die her hair.
I told her I wanted one with real tits not filled with Perrier water.

I remember when she first got them; her father bought them for her for Christmas.
He asked her what she wanted for Christmas, she said a couple of melons and that’s what she ended up with.
I wonder if they’re seedless.
She stood infront of me topless asking me what I thought of the new puppies.
My brother was in shock next to me, the Leafs were loosing.
We people at the pub asked my brother how the SIL’s new boobs looked he tells then to ask me because she shows them to me more than him.
I guess I am the boob expert in the family.

I told her they looked nice but the left nipple looked a little lower than the right one.
She ran off to the hallway mirror and stood in front of it until she convinced herself that I was right and for the next week battled with the plastic surgeon on the phone because of her nipple.

Back to the pets, I have slowly been noticing how they have managed to enslave us without so much as a fight lately.
MINE is all over the computer now and can’t live unless he is sitting on his own keyboard.
Every time I throw him off the laptop he jumps right back on and it’s been like this for about two months now.
He never before wanted to sit on it.
So what do I do?
I try and fool him.

I put a keyboard on the chair next to me and he uses it as a launching pad to the laptop or a short jump to it now.
I tried giving him one of these.

But he hates DOS.

THEN he gets pissed off at me because I closed down the stupid site he was on and pulled the buttons off of the laptop with his claws.
Well for fucks sake, he was on it for an hour, some stupid site that advertised that they had the Hottest Pussy on the whole internet and in an hour of surfing it I he didn’t see a single cat there.

It seems like our pets are slowly taking over the world, we just don’t know it.
Once we kept them in the barn now you can find pigs and horses in your living room humping the couch while you sit there laughing hysterically because your not passed out drunk and naked on it like your husband is.

Cats of the world have slowly moved in and taken over our homes and now our computers.

They are communicating on MSN and other programs pretending to be, "Human".

No one is safe, they have spies everywhere.

They are co-ordinated by a network of other animals throughout each country in constant communication with each other so that they know exactly what the humans are up to at all times.

And it's not only computers.

This picture was sent to me secretly

It started with the mouse, we thought it was cute but then they went for the coveted keyboard and that’s where lines were drawn; four of them to be exact that went from my elbow down to my wrist.

Frick and his new computer

First it was booties then coats now computers
I guess driver’s license is next.

Now they want me to get a dog to.
Probably loose my clothes with a dog around.

Have a nice day



Peter said...

What a journey Walker, we started out once upon a timing it with Aesops fables and finished up in the dishevelled modern-day mind of Walker.

BikerCandy said...

Yeah...what Peter said!

You know you are right though. My new puppy has trained ME to get down on all fours and dig out her balls from under my nightstand...where she promptly plays with them until they are under there again...and then I get down on all fours again. Yep...she's got me trained pretty darn well I would say!

The Troll said...

You succeeded at funny. Historically, there's no doubt that Dogs made the first move towards the Man's Best Friend status.

Tribes that saw Dogs merely as food were soon wiped out by tribes that used them as intruder-alerts around their encampments.

Patti said...

Awww Frick is a tuxedo cat like my Brett! We could do a whole lot worse than animals taking over the world! :)

Blazngfyre said...

I know you're talking about pets ... but I can only seem to remember, "asked me what I wanted for me birthday and I told her a red head with big tits."
I can get you one of those.

When is your birthday again???
It takes 2 weeks to get my damn passport, and I have to have one to come in Canada.
I mean ... come INTO Canada! :D

Walker said...

Peter: A Fable is a fable no matter what time it is lol

Walker said...

BikerCandy: Yeah.... what I said to Peter lol

My cat has me running circles half the time. He bugs you until you do it just to get some peace

Walker said...

The Troll: Its become a dogs world now a days or is that dog eat dog world.

Walker said...

Patti: I think we have done worse lol

Yes he is, my little magician. When he is in trouble he disappears

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: Yes you can and it's in March.

The passport rule is for everyone but Mexicans.
If you pretend you are a red headed mexican with big boobs they won't even notice you coming in Canada or coming, Imean going back.
No one notices the Mexicans.
It must be the innocent looking faces.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Bwahaha - I'm loving the pictures as much as the text.

You're an Aries? Me too.

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: Yes some of the pictures I come across just crack me up to.

Yes I am. born on the 26th

Anonymous said...

oooh... i thought that was a great post! i do like the last photo. i have a thing for pugs...

Gypsy said...

Awww that little Pug stole your outfit.

Now that's the 2nd time you've mentioned you wanted a red head with big tits for your birthday and both times I thought of Blaze. Hmmmmmm what are you two up to? Do tell....

I loved the pic of the black and white cat with his paw on the mouse and the other on the keyboard. He looked for all the world like he was really concentrating on his blog or something.

nachtwache said...

I thought I posted a comment but I guess I didn't complete the process. I love the photos, pets are always photogenic and funny! Your imagination is wild and as Gypsy said, what are you two up to:)? Been flirting back and forth for a while now. Redheads, huh, like playing with fire? A blazing fire at that! Didn't you learn not to play with fire ;) ?
Yes, the pets might run the world better than people, at least they only kill for food and sometimes for the females.

Walker said...

JYankee: Yes the pug picture is cute one.
I am not much of a pug fan but someone the other dau mentioned to me about a Bull Terrier Pug mix.
I think she called it a Bug with attitude.

Walker said...

Gypsy: that picture looks just like Frick when he is surfing the net.
I always loved Redheads and well my lust for big boobs is what most people know me for and Blaze is just offering to help in my quest for the right birthday present.

Walker said...

nachtwache: Flirting is excersizing on the internet without having to wear gym exquipment.

I found so many pictures and i didn't know which ones to use but who knows, one day there may be a sequel

gab said...

I'm glad to finally know how we came about. lol Frick looks happy. Dogs are nice but you look better in your clothes than he does. ah ha ha ha.

Walker said...

gab: That's Darth Pug, he's from Pluto, the Ex Planet

Nan said...

I have 4 cats and a dog and they have completely taken over my house. They are good amusement for Baby Rhubarb too.

Puss-in-Boots said...

And I thought I chose Mitzi... there some hot sex in the offing between you and Blaze...hmmm, keep us posted.

Anonymous Boxer said...

mine is the 30th!

Teresa said...

My animals--two cats, one dog and one kid--have completely taken over my whole life. I am not sure what a house would look like without animal hair and Hot Wheels laying around.

I am watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding--it made me think to visit your blog this evening!

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: I am sure Blaze only has Hot Sex :)

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: Ha, I win I was first.

Walker said...

Teresa: I hope it wasn;t the wedding part. ok big and almost fat you got me with LOL

Walker said...

Nan : I am sure they keep the baby more than amused and as soon as he could chase them it should be even more amusing lol