blue moon (2)

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Through The Fog ©

So, does it feel like 2008 yet?
I don’t know; it’s been fucken weird lately if you ask me.
First I get sick.
Then I was riding dragons around the park for a week high on cough syrup.
After I wake up from the delirium, I go outside and there is fog, tornados and hail pounding on the door.
I was having more fun high on cough syrup, riding Puff and chasing squirrels out of trees.

WTF does a tornado in the winter look like?!

Can you just imagine a tornado in the middle of winter?
A big white funnel, armed with a gazillion razor sharp icicles coming at you at 100 miles an hour?
What do you do, run or maybe hide in the basement?
Yeah that’ll save your sorry sick ass, just run down there and cower next to the litter box.

The first thing it does is it rips the house up from on top of you and tosses it to the trendy side of town and leaving you pissing your pants in that pit you ran off to for security.
Then all goes silent; it’s gone?
A sense of being spared spreads over you as you enter the eye of the beast letting your heart feel some relief before it whirls its ugly head once more and impales you with a million liquid spikes only to move on seconds later so that a Chinook could move in so the sun can shine down on you as you lay there looking like you lost a fight against someone whacking you with a bed of nails.
But the sun will be there, warming your body, melting all the evidence out of the wounds so that when the cops do finally find your decomposing butt they have to do extensive forensic investigation before the come to the conclusion you were killed by a stampeding herd of strippers as they ran out of the strip club you were in.
They will dismiss the fact that you were found in your basement by saying it was a stroke of fate that the tornado dropped you off at home after picking you up at the club.

As insane as that story up there is, so are thoughts of tornados here in the winter but they are happening.
The weather here has been crazy, it's not our weather.
It’s cold as is could get one day, -35 and the next we are having springtime weather 15.
Peopel were wearing shiots on the news jogging.

Last night we had rainstorms when it should be blizzards.
It cam down in buckets and washed away most of the snow that we had piled up.
Don’t get me wrong I am not complaining but we have to ask ourselves why?
Is there someone out there with a weather machine and is fucking with our heads?

I went shopping with my father yesterday and as soon as we got out on the road we realized we should have stayed home.
The whole city had a blanket of fog sitting on it, a fog of which we have never seen before or at least I haven’t in my 48 years.

We couldn’t see more than twenty feet infront of us and no one was driving faster than a crawl all around us either.
For two days the fog surrounded our city until today.
Here are a couple of pictures of what it has been like for the last two days here without letting up for a second in two days.

Today, its back to being really cold again; make up your fucken mind, either cold or hot.
This weather isn’t doing me any good, either my back is locked up or it’s my left knee, the two main things that have plagued me most of my life.
The knee from when I was run over as a kid and my back from when I fell 20 feet and landed on some concrete steps, damaging some disks.

Small changes are ok but drastic weather changes like this does a number on old broken bones.
The only one happy about this situation is Frick.
He now has me laying down long enough to sleep on.
I can’t understand him.
Since Emme passed away he has been a different cat.
It’s like he has taken over her duties.
He it in her chair next to me for hours if I am on the computer.
He fucken pulled the buttons off of the keyboard on the laptop while doing his horny little dance last month.
Fucken pervert.
I got all but one back on and the “B” doesn’t work like it used to.

The boys called me up to confirm that since I do such a great job for the poker games that I am now the official Super Bowl hang out on Feb 3rd.
They are sending over a full rib roast and some other stuff.
I told my parents and now they want to come to the party when they heard the menu.
There will be enough food for an army but only 7 guys.
I keep telling them we don’t need that much but they always make sure I have enough left for a week.
I’m still trying to drink the beer they left last year.

I got to do the Bbqing on Saturday for my father’s party.
There is supposed to be 30 people over.
Mike called me tonight to tell me we will be moving him on the 27th.
I spend a lot of time moving that boy.
The last time I got shoed out of the back of the truck backwards and then hung up on the step only to slam into the ground and knocked semi conscious.
No sooner than I survived that they dropped a heavy leather couch on me from the second floor.
I got to get life insurance.
2008 is looking alot like 2007 LOL

This is about as long as my back will let me sit here for, I hope you all are have better luck than I am but don’t you worry none, I’ll be here by the weekend even if I have to crawl over to the computer.

Have a nice day

Oh hold on, I am feeling brave tonight so how about i do a little Q&A.
You can ask me any question you like and I will do my best to answer it as hoenstly as I could.
That should give me something to think about other than hanging myself from the light fixture if I have to watch another rerun of Everyone Loves Raymond or Seinfield.
Don't get me wrong, I used to like the shows the firast 100 times I saw them but after 10,000 reruns in 4 years I think they should have gotten the death penalty in the final episode.

Ok that's it I am off to the couch and my heating pad.




Gypsy said...

Well Walker, the weather has sure made up its mind here. It's 106 again (probably 108-110 out here on the prairie) and even when it drops, it's still bloody stinking hot.

Sorry to hear your weather is playing havoc with your rickety old body too. I can say that cos you're older than me...hehehehe.

Frick has suddenly realised he can be the boss now. Get him to put some heavy boots on and walk on your back. Maybe that will help. Get better soon. Big hugs.....

Anonymous said...

You have an intensely vivid imagination Walker..and uhmmm a question???? gosh... way to throw that in on us... geesh...let me think of one and get back to you.

Peter said...

Your weather has been as crazy as ours Walker, half the country is still in drought meanwhile flood waters are wreaking havoc in lots of places.

As a question to you; What The Fuck is going on with the weather???

gab said...

See See I told everyone it wasnt just me. All that weather change and youve got yourself one hell of a cold! Last ight I took cough medicine, slept really good, got up was still tired dosed off and on then when I did get up I walked around like I was drunk! Tell the weather to straghten up and die right! or something like that! lol
I never did like Everyone Loves Raymond or Seinfield so I never watched them the first 10,000 times......but on t other hand Mr Gab is getting tired of me watching Charmed 6 million times over and over again!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hey Walker, Happy New Year!

Sorry to hear your bones are giving you problems...wait till you're my age...heheh!

Weather is getting weird everywhere. Half of Australia is getting flooded and the other half is in drought. I reckon it's the same idiot as who's playing with your weather.

As for the question...hmmm, let me think. I know...can you touch your nose with your tongue?

Gypsy said...

I cannot believe I missed the part about being able to ask you a question. I think my dream just came true. Now I will have to go away and think about this because this opportunity may never come again.

Kathryn Magendie said...

Here on the mountain the weather has been strange too - our earth is changing - breathing in and out; aging, too. Earth adjusts and creaks and breathing.

So, last week it got too 3 deg on the mountain with a high of 11, and today it will be in the 60's!

Tornado in winter

But how you describe things! I just love it.

nachtwache said...

Here it's pretty typical, rain, rain, a bit of snow, more rain, a little sun, more rain. Everything seems gray out here at the we(s)t coast.
Question: since you like to cook and eat, is there anything you won't eat? As not liking it or finding it gross.
I'm grossed out by lots of meats.

Blazngfyre said...

Global warming is the culprit.
I say we all write some letters on eco-friendly paper to AL Gore to complain.


How about we just light up, get baked and ponder the issue further.
(Much better plan)

So, um ... does lil' Walker hang to the left or to the right?
(You said we could ask ANYTHING!)

Anonymous said...

I'll just get to the point---with all things on go for the visit in March---will there be more fu@*ing or eating going on?

Be careful when you open the door---you never know who might stop by and what she might say----

BTW---I know you still love me anyway sweetie. :)

Gypsy said...

Ooohhh who's coming to visit in March? Sounds interesting.....

That wasn't my question just so we're clear....My question is:

I know you don't believe in having a chance to do something over, but humour me and let's say you do. Is there one thing that you regret doing that you would like to have the chance to put right?

Patti said...

Walker I agree the weather has been just CRAZY. Back and forth, back and forth. Scary! I hope you are feeling better. It's no good on my old bones either (old broken leg injury).

That's sweet that Frick has taken over some of Emme's duties. :)

Hmmm a question for you. What is the one thing that you remember made you laugh the hardest in your lifetime?

muse said...

Didn't those winter tornadoes hit Arkansas? Enough Said.

BikerCandy said...

I hope it's not too late to post a question. I've been busy...

So, if not, here is my question?

If you could do anything you wanted to do, what would it be? This is in regards to a career.