Busy Busy And Crazy ©

Ever have one of those days where everything goes absolutely right?
From the moment you wake up the sun is shining, the birds are singing and their frozen crap is tapping at the window on it’s way to the ground.
I can sense some of you laughing.
Those of you that live in regions where the temperature goes below freezing and there is snow all over the fucken place, when the snow melts and is gone, do you notice the little dents on the hood of your car, the little tiny ones that you can barely see?
Yeah those, the ones you can never figure out where they come from and end up attributing it to stones on the road.
Well those are made from stones but by high velocity frozen bird shit, even in the winter the little fuckers get you.

Anyway, back to my perfect day.
The birds are singing and the smell of last night’s dinner is finally dissipating from the washroom.
Have you ever finished in the washroom then stood there wondering ”WTF did I eat last night that smells that bad today”.
If food smelled the way it does when it comes out before I ate it, I’d be skinny.

There were no early morning phone calls to drag you out of the dream you were enjoying.
The whole day falls perfectly in place the way you want it without any unpleasant events to ruin your day.

Have you ever had one of those days?

What’s it like because I really would like to know how it feels?
5am, my phone is dancing off of the hook.
5am.
Any phones call between midnight and 7am, are usually the phone calls you don’t want to get unless it’s New Years Eve.
I answer the phone; it’s my crazy friend S.
He is the prime example of a drug burnout.
Once a successful businessman with three houses and GF to twenty years down the road living on welfare and calling me up at 5 am to tell me something stupid like, “Do you want to fly down to Jamaica for the weekend” when he can’t afford smokes.
I am the last of his friends who hasn’t thrown him out, punched him out, stabbed or shot at him yet.
That reminds me, I got to try and find the key to my gun lock, that’s why I can shoot him but I suppose I could beat him with it.
Makes less noise that way.

He calls me at least three times a week like that.
Last year he invited me to his birthday and even though I protested vehemently I went because I didn’t think anyone else would.
My other friends think I am a glutton for punishment, they may be right.

He wanted to tell me that he was going to give me the twenty he owes me next week then hangs up without a goodbye like he always does.
He tells me he will pay me back at the end of every month at least once a week and he borrowed the twenty bucks nine years ago.

I fell back into bed and no sooner had I passed out the phone rings again but this time it was someone calling to ask me if I wanted to subscribe to their newspaper.
I looked at the clock; it was about 7:10 am or something like that, who the hell can think this early.

I told him I was blind and couldn’t see to read the paper.
He apologized for disturbing me and said it was to bad because they had some good stories and articles.
I told him I knew and I used to read it.

That’s when he asked me if I had just recently lost my eyesight and I told him yeah.
I told him it was sudden and complete shock.
He asked me what happened.
I said it-started way back when I was a little tyke, about eight.
I was rolling around at night in bed and I had an orgasm, the first time I ever masturbated.
From then on it was a common practice and then three months ago it happened.
I went blind.

The phone went silent on the other side for a little bit and he came back and said that her had heard that masturbating to much made you go blind but thought it was just BS.
I told him that I thought the same thing to until two months ago I was in the shower jerking off and slipped banging the back of my head then POOF, blind.
But hey, when you guys start printing in Braille, give me a call.

Around 9 am my mother called to tell me that my father wanted a new mattress and she wanted me to take her to get one.
They were having a sale one mattress that used to be in the showroom.
$500 for a $1200 dollars mattress set is a good deal so after lunch I took my mother and off we went.

I found a queen size for them for $399 and the box spring for another $69 for a total of $528 after taxes, which was a great deal.
I paid $1000 for my king size twelve years ago and am thinking of coming here just to get the mattress next time.
When we had bought the stupid thing and asked how much the delivery was going to be we were told that they don’t deliver the stuff in the reduced section and it was cash and carry.
They had someone but he quit.
Well now what?
I don’t think it will fit in the Buick’s trunk.
After a little though I came up with an idea and told the people at the furniture store I will be in to pick it up on Saturday.

Next on the list was my niece’s birthday, which is on Saturday.
I went to the mall to pick her up some Barbie running shoes that tie with Velcro and have blinking lights that go off with every step so she can stare at her feet as she is walking into a wall.

My mother suffers from osteoporosis and can’t walk to much so I usually park the car in the handicap zone as we have a handi-cap pass for her and I strap her to a shopping cart and let her loose of the unsuspecting crowds.
Actually it works out pretty good, she cleaners a path for me to follow.
But as it was there was no parking in the handi cap zone so I let her off at the door and went to find someplace close.
As luck would have it an elderly couple well into their seventies if note eighties were behind their car with a shopping cart with a huge box in it they were having trouble getting out.
I put the car in park and my indicator light showing I was going to be turning into the parking spot I was stopped infront of then went out and help them get the box out of the cart and into their truck.
I have no idea how they are going to get it out of the car and into their house because it wasn’t light.

After the box was in their car I got into mine and waiting for them to pull out but as soon as the pulled out another car slipped into the spot.
I got out and told the lady nicely that I was waiting to go in with my signal light showing my intention and she told me that I should have moved faster.

Excuse me?

There is an unwritten rule that when you are first and are showing you are going to park here you don’t steal that parking spot like an asshole.
I was pissed, more than pissed.
As she walked away she had this smug smile on her face that made me want to turn the wheel and drive over that little piece of shit, she called a car.
I found a spot that was fairly far from the door but it was the best I could do then went back passing her car and found my mother waiting just inside the door.

My mother was showing me shoes, I was thinking of going out there and giving her car four flats.
I wish it had been a guy so I could have knocked his fucken teeth out of his big smug mouth and watch him smile through the gaps of his teeth.
I found the running shoes the niece wanted and bought them for her then led my mother by the arm past THAT car to our car.

Told me I should have been faster; then laugh at me, pfffffft.
She is right I was to slow and a windshield costs $350, the average deductible is $500, my mother said she isn’t going shopping with me again and my right hand hurts like a son of a bitch today, but I feel good.
Don’t you just want to sometimes.

I brought my mother home and had to sit there eating lunch and listening to my mother telling my father how I drop her on the ground and beat up a car.
Hold on, she slipped and I only hit the car once and it might have been because she slipped and knocked me onto the car accidentally.

Around 5pm Mike came over and we went and moved the boxes from his old place to the new apartment.
Saturday is the big day.

9 am I have to move Mike then after that I have to take the truck and one of my friends to go pick up my mother’s mattress and box spring and deliver it to her then go next door to my place and load up a big screen TV, an entertainment center and a chest freezer and deliver those to my Ex’s place.
With that done I have to get the truck back to the rental place before 6 pm so that I can to too my niece’s Birthday party.

Today another friend is coming by so that we can bring the projection TV from upstairs down and the one I have downstairs up then go next door and bring the big one to my place.
Then we have to bring up the chest freezer and have it ready for Saturday.

The following weekend I have a big Super Bowl party at my place, the boys were nice enough to invite me too

So if anyone has had a perfect day can you tell me about it because I need to know that they do exist?

Have a nice, if not perfect day

Walker