blue moon (2)

Friday, December 21, 2007

Slush Puppies ©

Good morning
Yes. I am up in the morning actually I have been up since 5:30 am. Usually I go to bed around that time but by some fate of pure luck you understand I fell and landed on a joint and the friction of the both off us sliding across the floor ignited it and I suffered total inhalation causing the world to spin and uncontrollable munchies then rendering me unconscious and imprisoned in a dream world where I was locked up in a woman’s prison until now.


Before I go into today’s post I would like to ask for a favour, actually I take that back.
I know most of you well enough not to make it a favour.

I would like to direct you all to Susan’s blog and ask you to add your words of support for a young lady that deserves it, especially during this time of year.
If there was anyone who needed or should I say, earned our support is this young lady, Kayla.

For the last couple of years I have been reading about her battle with cancer and trust me, it has been a battle, she has never come out of each fight unscathed but not ever did I hear her say I give up or complain.
Even when she lost her leg she came out of that fight will a smile and a joke on her lips.

For me she is one of the heroes against a disease that has been taking many of us before our time and she has barely started her life and she is in the throws of war when she should be out there in the throws of life not defending it.

After all she has gone through to be rid of it, it has returned and she is slated for surgery.
Her family hopes she could be strong enough to return home before Christmas, I know she could and maybe with our joint wishes we can help her find the strength to achieve what many of us take for granted being healthy once more.
If we could cheer our sports teams to victory, we could cheer the team of life to one as well.

For those of you wishing to stop by and leave a word of support, click on this part of the post and you will be directed to Susan’s blog.

I'll be keeping her in my thoughts this Christmas and wish good health to all of us.

Yesterday I went shopping and besides getting soaked from the knees down from all the slush and snow, I was disgusted with people’s attitude.

HELLO, TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY, NOT ASSHOLES!!!!!!!!

I saw on at least two occasions where arguments almost ended up in cat fights and that was the Nuns.
Did you know that nuns could say “fuck” they just can’t fuck?

My biggest mistake was starting from the wrong end on the shopping list.
I should have taken a taxi and went to the farthest point and then made my way back which would have meant I wouldn’t have had to lug around all the stuff I bought.

I started at 10 am and every place I went to, there was a multitude of people rushing around looking for those last minute items.
Half the people wandering around the store had what they wanted they were looking for a cash register that had less than 30 people standing in it but all that got them was more tired because every cash at every store had a LONG line in front of it.

I hit eight stores along a two-mile stretch and accumulated eight large bags that I had to drag along the sidewalk with me through the snow and slush, which had crept up the legs of my jeans and all the way to my knees making them heavier than usual.
It was about here than I had enough.
I was tired and getting a little frustrated not to mention a bit cranky to so I decided I would just take a taxi to Archie’s place and walk home from there after a visit with him.

First I went to the bank to get some money from the ATM to pay for the cab then I went outside to the street and waved down a taxi.
The cabby did a U-turn in the middle of the street and stopped infront of me but as I was opening the door I heard the lady calling out to me that it was her taxi.
I turned and watched this woman in her mid forties waving her hand at me telling me that that was her taxi and they had been waiting twenty minutes for it and I could have the next one.

There were three women one short one, a tall and skinny one and this one, Ms wavy hand in my face with the big boobs.
They had been waiting at the taxi stand for a taxi to come by and when they saw a taxi pull up for me to get in Chesty Morgan decided it was her taxi.

Normally I would have just given them the cab and wished them a nice day then took the next one but this fucken hand, finger waving in my face thing and me being a tad FUCKEN grumpy didn’t mix well and I told her I waved the cab down so it was mine and if she wasn’t so fucken scared of crushing her short friend over there with her boob when it popped out of her bra if she raised her arm up over her head to hail a cab she would have had this one.

I don’t know what made her shut up, the reference to her boob or the look on my face.
Maybe she was visualizing her friend being crushed by a giant boob landing on her.
I opened the door of the cab and asked the driver whom he came for and he said I hailed him so I got in.

Like I said, after all the lines, bumping and waiting, I wasn’t in a mood to be scolded by some lazy person who would rather steal someone’s cab than to go to the side of the road and hail one down.

I was carrying eight heavy bags and managed to go into a bank for money then walk out to the street and while still holding half the bags in my arm I raised it and hailed the cab.
The only thing she was carrying up high was her nose and was too lazy to walk to the curb and get a taxi.
Waving her finger in my face, Pffffft.

It doesn’t take much to have a little patience.
If people took their time when picking things up to buy and checked to see that there is a FUCKEN price tag on it, then the cashier wouldn’t have to call for a FUCKEN price check.

But they aren’t the worse ones, it’s the ones that meet friends in line and stop to talk trying to blend in, like the 400 people standing behind them aren’t watching and don’t know the you are trying to FUCKEN sneak into line.

What do you think we are lady, stupid?
We have been standing here for so long we can see the air move when someone farts and you think you can get your sorry butt an hour ahead in line because you know someone standing in it.

“Excuse me but the end of the lines is down this aisles, around the men’s jeans, straight for about twenty feet then hook a left and stop next to the tissue paper and blow your nose there”.

“Huh, say what”?
“Oh, she was holding your place in line because you forgot something, I see”, I got something for her to hold right about now too.
“So I guess the, Hi Betty it’s been awhile, how are the kids act was for our entertainment”?

“I know it’s Christmas lady or do you think I buy Christmas decorations for Easter”.
“Hey I have the Christmas spirit but if I let everyone cut infront of me I would only end up back at the racks where I got all this shit that I don’t really need and I might as well not even buy them now”.
“Oh, I should only let you in, I see”.
“You special are you”?
“Well it’s like this, if there wasn’t a gazillion people behind me I wouldn’t say much but you see there are and even if the both of you bent over for me I’d still have to say no because I would have to bend over for that giant of a man standing behind me and he has been scratching his knee for the last thirty minutes which has me worried so why don’t the two of you go to the back of the line so you could catch up”.

If we were all patient and didn’t try and rush, shopping would go a lot smoother but who can really think when you are being trampled.

The taxi let me off at Archie’s place and he was screaming my name through the door and laughing.
I stumbled into the kitchen and dropped into a chair.
The first thing he asks me is what I did to Chris.
Chris?
Oh Chris, dickhead.

I have a number of pet peeves one of them is people talking in a language you don’t understand infront of you so you don’t understand what they are saying about you.
In this case it’s the other way around.
I walked into a store and Chris was there and he said hi to me.
He is not one of my friends but one of Archie’s.
As I was picking up a new lighter, I lost mine somewhere and a couple of lotto tickets the door opened and someone came in.\

Chris mumbled something to me but I wasn’t paying attention to him, I never do, he is not my type of person, kinda creepy if you ask me.
The in Greek and much louder he tells me to look at the woman next to me.
I turned to see the person who had walked in was in fact a woman in tight pants and a thin tight blouse.
The first thing I thought was why isn’t she freezing.

She was a good looking woman in her twenties I guess and her figure was proportional until you got to her hips and then something had gone wrong or right if that’s what you like but her butt was wide.
How had did the doctor slap her ass when she was born?

Other than that she was a hot chick that could hip check you through the boards if you pissed her off probably.
Chris started making cracks about her ass to me in Greek and it was starting to bug me and I am sure she knew he was talking about her and every time he said something she looked at him.

After I paid for my things I said goodbye to Chris then I looked at the girl and said hi to her she said hi back.
I told her that Chris really like her butt but I preferred her boobs and thought she had a beautiful face, and then walked out of the store.

Archie was howling as I was telling him.
He told me Chris had been by earlier and told him how I embarrassed him at the store and even the girl at the cash was laughing at him.
Oh well, he isn’t one of my friends now is he.

That was yesterday, right now I have to go get ready to take my mother out shopping, when does it end.

Have a nice weekend

Walker

6 comments:

patti_cake said...

Walker I did go by and leave a commment for Kayla and her family. God bless them. What a time they have been having.
LMAO at you embarassing Chris, sounds like he deserved it. I can't stand it either. Around here it's the mexicans that do it. Argh.

Susan said...

Hi Walker,
Thanks for the mention. We can always count on you for some cheerleading. Did I ever tell you you look great in that short skirt and pom-poms!

Holties House said...

Hi Walker, here in Aussie it ends in about 60 hours, you have to wait a bit longer than that because you live on the back side of the world.

Gypsy said...

Hi Walker,
I still have shopping to do and it looks like it will be Christmas Eve before I get to do it. I will take a couple of valium and a healthy belt out of a bottle of wine before I will tackle the hordes. It's for their own protection I promise you.

I will now go over to Susan's blog and add my wishes to everyone elses. Life is sometimes very unfair.

gab said...

OMG LOL LOL LOL... I can actually picture you( even if I dont know what you look like) Telling that woman just that. And people who speak in a different language if front of others and who are talking bad about others welll let me tell you I would probably clobber them, weather or not I knew what they were saying. I too have a friend who looks ok top side but bottomside she is extra wide.....funny thing when she was 5 she looked like any normal person butt small top small. I dont know what happened. But she is the sweetest person and she is my friend. Now I must go to bed. I have one more day t go out and prepare to shop for gifts for people who dont deserve them and I will be one of those bitchy people who will glare at the first person who tries to sneak in line or steal the last item on my list and its the last one available!

nachtwache said...

Yep, I encountered some impatient and impolite Christmas shoppers, one backed off after I shot daggers from my eyes. Apparently I can do that :) Thankfully I bought a few items last year during the after Christmas sale and we draw names in the family, that means less shopping.