Marketeers ©

Did you know if you are talking to a telemarketer and another telemarketer calls you while you are still on the phone with the first one you could put one on hold and bring the other one into the conversation then you can go watch TV while the two of them are surveying each other?

They are driving me nuts.
Window sales, I have windows
Lawn care, what fucken lawn
This survey, that survey every where there is someone with a survey.

Hello

Hi I am calling from Acme Surveys and we would like to ask you a few questions.
How old are you?

48

Oh sorry you are too old for this survey.
I’m sorry for bothering your.

Huh, what I failed the fucken test already?!
Who the fuck are you calling old anyway you ungrateful dildo?
You call me, take me away from my TV while I’m watching Family Guy, right when Stewie is dancing around the stage with a bunch strippers (he vaguely reminds me of someone) only to have you call me so that you can tell me that I am to old.

I didn’t want to imply that you were old sir.

What do you mean you didn’t want to imply that I wasn’t too old, you said “Oh sorry you are too old for this survey”, that’s implying that I ‘m to old.

I didn’t mean that you were old just that this survey was meant for younger people.

What is that supposed to mean, the survey is for Pepsi drinkers not coke drinkers.
Pepsi sucks anyway.
Coke goes better with whiskey anyway and you can clean your car rims with it too.

Hold on someone is at the door, what’s your name anyway?

Dave.

I’ll be right back , just a second Dave.

Who the hell are you now?

I am with Energy Save and we want to sign you up thus locking your gas prices in for five years.

So you want to lock me into a five year contract at 26 cents for five years?

No, 32 cents.

Let me understand this, you want me to sign a contract with you so that I will have to pay more than I do now to you.
Does it say stupid lives here on my mailbox?

You see sir this ensures that if the gas prices do go up you will be safe because you are locked into a contract.

Hmmmm, that might work but if the gas prices go down I would be stuck with the high price.
So it’s a gamble either way.

Let me think about it for a minute hold on I’ll ask me buddy on the phone, umm what’s your name.

Paul

Paul, I’ll be with you in a second here, you can look at my gas bill while you’re at it and see if you could make some of those numbers in the amount due section disappear.
No don’t laugh Paul, I’m serious.

Dave you still there?

Yes I am here.

Hey Dave there is this guy here who wants me to sign a five year contract to lock my gas rates at 32 cents when I am paying 26 now, what do you think?

Wow that’s crazy, I wouldn’t do it, it sounds like a crooked deal.

Yeah I was thinking that way to but what if the rates go up, what then and these are crazy times, maybe acting crazy is the way to go.

You may be right but what I do know is I got to go and call other people.

You mean people that are not old like me.

I didn’t say you were old, I said the survey is geared for a younger crowd.

I’ve always considered myself part of the younger crowd until you phoned me and made me feel old.
Hold on, let’s ask Paul if I am old.

Who’s Paul?

Hey Paul, talk to Dave while I roll a joint, he says I am old and you are a crook.

Hello Dave, he is not old and I am not a crook.
He said you said he was old.
26
I guess it would be Ok, he’s rolling a joint I think he said
I’m not going to say anything, he’s twice my size

College
No
No
Yes
Y105 fm
Pepsi
Molsons
Yes
Sometimes
Oh I’m sorry, then yes
Toyota…….

Would you like a toke Paul?

No thank you I’m working.

No you’re not, you’re talking on my phone with Dave.
Here have a toke and who knows, maybe we’ll both hallucinate that I signed the contract.

OOOOO I wouldn’t inhale that much, that’s pretty strong stuff.

“cough” “cough” cough”

You ok Paul.

“COUGH” “COUGH” “COUGH”

Can I get you some water

“COUGHCOUGHCOUGH”!!!!!!!!!!

You going to live?

Hello Dave, I got to go, I think Paul is dieing and I might have to hide the body but thanks for the call
Click

Paul… pass me the joint Paul

“COUGHCOUGHCOUGH”

No Paul just give me the joint, yes that’s it.
You were wasting it while you’re choking to death

Here have a beer

I’m “cough” “cough” working “cough”

Yes I know your working but you’re already getting stoned so what’s a beer.

Ok

So let me see this contract.
If I sign this then we are married for 5 years, is there a way I can get a divorce if you start stinking up the bed?

Only if you move

Or if I have the bill put in another name

I guess that would work to.

Ok, you talked me into it, where do I sign.

First I need to see one of your bills so that I can get your account number.
This bill says your name is John.

Yes, it does

But you said your name was Walker.

Yes it is but for now my name is John.

Who is John?

I am John

But you are Walker

Sometimes I am

What do you mean, you’re not Walker either

Come on, who calls their kid Walker?

So what’s your name?

Most People call me Peter

So Peter is your real name?

Well kind of, that’s what my name is in English
My mother calls me Taki

So your name is Taki?

Everyone else calls me Panayioti

So it’s Panayioti

On paper it’s Panayiotaki

I’m calling you Walker and I don’t want to know who the fuck John is.
Now just sign here

With what name?

Whichever one you want.

Now you're learning

These are your copies to save and someone will be calling you to confirm that you agree to our terms and your account will be activated.

That’s cool, so when do I get the fifty bucks?

What fifty bucks?

The fifty you are going to give me for signing the contract.

We don’t give fifty bucks for signing up.

Yes you do, you just don’t know it.

No, really we don’t.

Here’s the phone, call your boss and tell him I’ll sign for fifty bucks.

Hi, this is Paul I have a customer who says he will sign for fifty dollars.
Really, I’ll tell him, bye.
How did you know?

I didn’t.

Paul left shortly after but a couple of hours later the doorbell rang and it was Paul and he wanted to know if I knew where he could find some good pot like I had.
I told him I have no idea what he was talking about and closed the door.

Have a nice day

Walker