blue moon (2)

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Confusing Days ©

It’s been an interesting three, four days.
Filled with thoughts, emotions and just plain confusion, lots of confusion.
I am having a hard time digesting a lot of it.
In a lot of ways it’s a good thing but being the cautious person that I am and knowing whom I am dealing with contributes to that.
Or maybe I’m analysing everything too much.

I try and be as honest as I possibly can.
I’m not perfect, I have never claimed I was but when it comes to serious matters I am a serious person and I am honest when I deal with those issues.

Today I get a phone call at ten in the morning and my brother tells me to get out of bed and shower because he was bringing my youngest daughter to see me.
I lay in bed thinking.

I haven’t seen my daughters in over seven years now thanks to my EX.
It’s a long, long story but I did have visitation rights every second week and at one stage could have had her arrested but it was my decision to make and I made it.
I spent years and a small fortune getting those rights, not to mention having to do some other stuff required of me by the courts.
Like peeing in a cup for 52 weeks straight and see a shrink for a mental evaluation.
For two years I went through the courts and my kids were dragged through as well.
In the end I got what I should have had but she skipped town.

I did track her down six months later and took her back to court for another year only to get what I had been ordered to have from the last time.
That lasted a few years until she disappeared again with the kids.
There is some stuff missing in between the lines but the subject is private but it was because I said no to an offer she made.
The punishment was not being allowed to see my kids.

A number of years ago I managed to track her down again but instead of hauling her ass into court again I decided to do nothing.
When I thought back to all the trouble I had gone through and not only in the courts.
Four guys met em in the parking lot one afternoon, her Bill’s relatives.
They told the police they only wanted to talk.
When I see four guys I don’t know making a bee line straight at me in a wide open parking lot, I don’t have time to chit chat while I could knock one or two down before they finish a sentence.
Or when the cops showed up to arresting for trying to break into their house in the middle of the night.
Only problem was I was at the Police fundraiser and won the bowling tournament.
She set me up once and was almost beaten to death by the cops.
Thousands of dollars damage, four cops went to the hospital and me with 19 charges and a cracked skull.
You should have seen how mad the cops were when they found out they were dooped.
Like I give a fuck if they were tricked, I was beaten half to death.

So having all of this rattling around in my head I decided to leave them be but just keep track of how the kids are doing through friends the EX didn’t know I had.
I didn’t want to drag my kids through the courts again disrupting their lives and in the end only have the EX disappear again.
This way I at least knew they were ok.

Well as luck would have it my brother was watching his stepdaughter on the computer and asked her what she was doing.
She showed him and told him that everyone was on this new site.
Being curious he typed in my daughters name and found it.
He called me right away to tell me what I already knew.
I told him to leave it alone but he didn’t listen to me.
Over the next couple of days he investigated and connived information from one place or the other and this morning I get the phone call.

It’s not like I don’t want to see my kids or that I am afraid of my EX but I have to look at the consequences especially when my family is involved with an unpredictable EX.
I got out of bed; he had told me they were fifteen minutes away.
Not much time to shower, shave and get ready.

The last time I saw her she was almost eight years old and sprout that used to dress Frick in a cabbage patch doll dress then run around the house with the strolling and Frick in it.
I wonder if Frick remembers her?

The phone ran about half an hour later and it was my parents to tell me that she was there and to go next door.
I was nervous to say the least.
It’s not like I was walking into a knife fight, that’s a piece of cake compared to this.

I walked into the door and my eyes picked out every person and put a name to each one except the one sitting at the end of the table in my normal chair.
I am ashamed to say I wouldn’t have recognized her is I saw her on the street.
She is almost as tall as I am at six feet tall and she has this big beautiful face crowned with blue hair.
Yup, from golden blond to blue but that’s cool.

My parents were happy as hell and beaming.
I talked to her a little bit but my brother and SIL were hogging most of the conversations and things were looking good until I asked a question.
That’s when I quickly became uncomfortable.
It seems my EX didn’t know she was here and assumed she was in school.

It seems that my daughter got back to my brother and asked to meet him without telling her mother any of this.
My brother being who he is went and picked her up and brought her over.

As a parent I don’t approve of this and I told her them and my parents in all the languages concerned that I wanted my EX to know she was here and I didn’t make it a request.
I do believe I was stern enough.
I know the headaches I have had in the past but then again they didn’t have to go through the courts, I did.

I ordered some pizza for lunch then I went next door to my place for a little while to talk but it wasn’t long because my brother and SIL had to show up.
I did get a little private time and we talked a little.
I did tell her she was welcome to come by or call me any time, as was her sister before the other showed up.

After that they took her shopping at the local mall where they stocked her up with goodies before the brought her back here.
I think everyone slipped her a wad of money to which I don’t agree with.
I did give her some money and a bunch of movie passes I had here for her to use but I don’t want her to get used to it.
I don’t want her to come here for money but because she wants to see us and to meet the rest of her family.
Again, maybe I am over reacting but I am tired of fighting all the time and just want things normal for a change.
My family is no picnic and demanding who see what they want and what is right.
My Ex, nothing would surprise me that she does and I don’t know how this will play out by the end of the day.
My eldest has said she wants nothing to do with us and I respect that.
We all have the right to say yes or no.

All of this is still fresh in my head and heart and don’t know how to digest it yet, I guess I will have to wait and see what comes out the other end.
I know this is making my parents happy and I want it to work out for all concerned but I will have to keep a close eye on it all to make sure everyone is playing fare for the right reasons.

It was nice seeing her again

Have a nice day



Anonymous Boxer said...

((hugs)) to you Walker - what an intense day ... for you, your daughter and your family. I can't imagine what it would be like to go through such a reunion. I am speechless.

Beautifully written and I hope the future brings you more visits and peace.

Dotm said...

Glad to hear you had a nice visit with your younger daughter. How old is she now? No matter what confusion her mother uses, at least you now know the daughter does care about you enough to gamble getting in trouble with her mother for skipping school just to see you. That should bring some pleasure to you. Sounds like once she is of age you might see a lot more of her. I wish you many more visits in the future, but not during school time as that just gives her Mother more ammunition to use. She now knows how to get to your home, so you`ll probably see more of her.Don`t be surprised if her mother grounds her for skipping school, but they are never grounded for too long. I could sence the smile on your face while you were talking about your daughter.

Gypsy said...

I can't even begin to imagine what is going through your head at the moment and I can certainly understand your caution in light of what has happened in the past. That being said, I am so happy that you got to see your daughter again. It must have been a helluva shock. I know you don't agree with what your brother did to make it happen but for once, maybe he did a good thing. I'm absolutely thrilled for your parents too.

I wouldn't be too concerned about your oldest daughter at the moment. Like I have said to you in the past, you have no idea what BS their mother has been feeding them all these years. Maybe once she talks to Tina and finds out a little bit of truth, she might see things differently. I sure hope so anyway. What a beautiful early Christmas present. The best that you can hope for is that your Ex has mellowed a bit and now the girls are older she won't have control for too much longer anyway.

All in all, I think its fabulous news. You've just made my day :)

Lynilu said...

Wow, Walker! I haven't been around to read your blog for a few weeks, and what a cool time to get back here! I always hate hearing about parents who keep children away from the other parent without good reason. It is good that you had this time with your daughter. I hope that you are able to keep contact with her. Good luck!!

itisi said...

I only hope that this leads to more happiness for you and not more heartache sweetie.

Gypsy said...

I just had to come back and read this again Walker. I am always blown away by how life can change with just one random event that you don't even see coming. You must be feeling so overwhelmed right now. Hope it turns out for the best, no-one deserves that more than you :)

Anonymous said...

yeah it must be an understatement to say that it was overwhelming..i dont have any words, but glad that you did get to see your daughter...even if it was under circumstances that are less than perfect.

BikerCandy said...

I can't imagine all the emotions you are experiencing right now. I'm speechless. I'll just say I hope this visit is just one of many, many more you will get with your daughter...and I hope the older one comes around too.

patti_cake said...

Wow I am getting all emotional for you Walker. You are very very wise to play it close to the vest but I pray this works out well for all of you and eldest daughter comes through as well. Children should know their parents if at all possible, especially when the parents are as awesome as YOU.

Lora_3 said...

Dads and or Fathers teach their daughters how men should treat them in this world.

Fight for your right to be the teacher.

Be safe...

nachtwache said...

Wow, that's certainly a concern, when the ex is so unpredictable and vindictive. Your daughter should be old enough to make her own decision about seeing you and your side of the family. Kids eventually get wise to the fact that they've been used by the one parent against the other and cheated of years they could have spent with the other, the grandparents and other relatives. It's a shame when that happens.
They might turn against mom in the end.
Your ex sounds scary! Take care, I hope everything turns out well and you get to see them both; sisters talk. :)

Lindy said...

Walker, I hope this works out for you. I have to admit I cried for you while I read this post. I can relate. I stayed away from my mother for several years due to the brainwashing bull crap that goes on. Good luck.

gab said...

First off {HUGS}
Now....I'm glad yu got to see her again, but I agree with you they shouldn't have done it behind your Ex's back. Thats what usually causes problems. I also agree with the fact that they were all giving her money like they were trying to buy her love. I for one for your sake as well as hers hopes it turns out ok. We too have this kinda sh*t going on here with the baby. The daddy is only fighting to have custody of him because outta 6 or so other kids tis is his only boy. He doesn't give a rat's azz about his girls but damn he's going to fight for his son. And that in itself is very sad.

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: Thanks but i see it getting more intense with some of my brother BS rising to the surface.

Brian said...

Walker, I had no idea. This must have been very painful for you over the years. I am glad you got to see her and sad that you have been forced to be apart for so long.

Your kids are getting to the age when they can make their own choices. I sincerely hope those choices include a role for their father in their life.

Best wishes my friend.

Walker said...

Dotm : I enjoyed my time with her what little time I had alone.
She is 16 now but she is a tall girl.
I have a feeling that her mother doesnt know about it and I think she has missed alot more than just this day

Walker said...

Gypsy : My head is a mess of alot of things right now but the one thing that is at the top is protecting my kids from my family and the zealous desire to see them.
My beother is a arrogent fuck who goes over board and I see a big fight on the horison between him and I.

Walker said...

Lynilu : Time will tell how this plays out. I hope its for the better what ever happens.

Walker said...

itisi : I hope it does to but I see a storm on the horizon.

Walker said...

Gypsy : My life will not change it will just have a little mnore in it.
Like I needed more lol

Walker said...

JYankee: A moment is a lifetime to some creatures and that in itself is precious as was this visit

Walker said...

BikerCandy: Trust me I was speechless to for awhile.
I hope it all turns out good to but that will depend on my ex and how much interference my family puts in.

Walker said...

patti_cake: Aw thank you Patti I hope it turns out to and I don;t take things for granted. I will take this as slowly as I can make it even if i have to trip a couple of people up to slow it down.

Walker said...

Lora_3: I ahave always fought for what I believe is right and always will but sometimes its a different type of fight that is required so this may take a bit of planning

Walker said...

nachtwache: The last thing I want is to turn them against their mother. I don't like it being done to me and dont want to do it to them.
I have always believed in being supportive and not finding ways to divert blame to the other parent.

I am not happy with what she has put me through but I have to put what is important to my kids not me or my family

Walker said...

Lindy: I am sorry you went through that.
I don't think a parent should turn the kids against the other because of their own personal shit.

Walker said...

gab: I hope it turns out good to.
I don;t want to buy my kids love and I can;t.
I don;t want then expecting money when they come here or hundreds of dollarsz of gifts for no reason other than its Tuesday.

I think he should take all the kids not only his son if he cares for one he should for all.

Walker said...

Brian : I would like them to make their choice with their mothers blessing.
I have not or ever will forgive my Ex but I am willing to put some things aside for the benefit of the kids something she has not thought about over the last 14 years

PBS said...

Wow, what an awkward situation for you! And despite everything you did one has to wonder what your children know/think about all of it. They've probably received a very different story about you! But maybe by actually meeting you they can find their own conclusions about you.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Just stopping by to check in on you Mr. Walker.



Walker said...

PBS : I can just imagine what they have been told but I am trying not to dwell on that past and trying to find a lolution for the future

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: Aw thanks but you don;t have to call me Mr Walker but you can call me any time ;)

Peter said...

Hi Walker, I don't know whether to be sorry or glad for you today, I'm sure glad that you had a chance to see your daughter again after all this time, I'm sorry that the way it came about wasn't quite to your liking.
Having been through the process too I can understand some of where you are at, my only thought is, take the good part from this meeting and let the rest simmer slowly, hasty actions are so often regretted.
NOW I must go read your next post I would normally have read it too before commenting but wanted to say this before I read anything that might change my mind.

Sally said...

I admire you not putting down the children's mother; that cannot be said for a lot of people. Hang in there, and for goodness sake tell your bro to buggar off; he's likely to make things worse than they already are even though his intentions were good (?).

Take care, Walker.