A Tissue Please ©

What to write about today?
So much happens around here on a daily basis I don’t know where to begin.
I am still sick but not as bad as it was a couple of days ago when I was so congested and stuffed up I went through four boxes of tissue.
My ears must have grown from blowing my nose so much.

Speaking of nose blowing, have you ever seen people who blow their nose then look at the messed up tissue?
Maybe you’re one of them?
What are they/you looking for?
Can you read snot like tea leaves or coffee grounds?

Oh my, that’s kinda dark green with streaks of blood in it, I better get the snot reading book and see what that means.

“You will meet a dark stranger dressed in white and he will light up your life”

Later you find yourself in Emergency getting zapped by a black doctor with a paddle in each hand.

Or maybe you find a long lost item.

OMG !!!!!!!!!
There’s the quarter I lost up there 45 years ago.
I wonder if it’s worth something today?

Some of you who were with me last December may recall the problems I was having with my ISP going on and off all the time making me feel like a yo-yo and then the stink I raised with my provider.
They managed to send me a brand spanking new modem with a “we are sorry LCD 19 inch monitor” to ensure I don’t leave them for the competition.

I thought that was nice of them and I am easily bribed with electronic toys.
Well about a week ago my ISP went dead.
Kaput
DOA
Nada
Zilch

OMG, how will I see if anyone commented on my blog!!!?

I look at the modem and the lights are out.
I panic and look for the number of my Internet provider for ten minutes before I realize I know it off by heart.
Picking up the phone I call them up and ask for the technical department.

They know me real well now and call me by my first name.
“Hi Amanda”.
The Internet and phone are in my mother’s name, long story.
I tell them my Internet is down and I need a fix right now?

We go through a number of tests.
It’s routine for me I have done them so many times I could train their staff now but it doesn’t matter they never find anything.
They just end up sending me a new modem by courier every time.

“Is the modem plugged into the wall”?

I’m not crawling under the desk to see and how would it get unplugged where it is
“Yes it is”.

“Is the switch turned on at the back of the modem”?

DUH, I just hit it 1000 times trying to see if I could rev it up to life again.
“Yes it is”.

“Well Amanda, we sent a test signal through to your modem and it seems to be dead”.

You don’t say, if it was alive do you think I would be calling you?
“So what happens now”?

“We will send you a new modem to replace the one you have. You should be getting it ion about a week”.

“ARE YOU FUCKEN MAD”!!!!!!!!!!!!
“No Internet for a week, no no no that won’t do, you have to do better than that”.

“ I am sorry but that’s the best that we can do”.

“Well I am sorry to say that is not good enough”.

“Give me a second and let me go talk to my supervisor”.

That’s what I want to hear, ACTION.

“Amanda”?
“Umm yeah, I’m here”.

“My supervisor said that I could offer you our promotion for your inconvenience”.
We will send you your choice of a 17 in wide screen Dell laptop or a Compact desktop with a 17 inch LCD monitor and all for the same price you are paying now”.

“What’s the catch”?

“No catch, we will also double your maximum download to 60 gigs a month for the remainder of your contract and we will be sending you the new 7 meg modem instead of the 5 meg one you had at no extra charge”.

“What’s the catch”?

“No catch”.

“Do I get a car too”?

“Ha Ha Ha, maybe next time”.

“Sigh”

So I decided on the desktop since I already have three laptops and barely use those but only one desktop computer since my other one died in the middle of writing a Sex Talk.
He told me that I would be receiving it in about 10 days.

I hung up the phone happy to be getting a new computer but screwed for Internet until I receive my new modem.
Ten days no blogging “sigh”

Well I guess I will just have to watch TV and play with Frick instead, I look at Frick rolling around on the floor with the modem’s plug.

OOPS.

Well how the hell did I know the cat pulled out the plug, he never did that before.
Oh well, I guess I could use the new computer. HA HA HA
Frick gets treats ALL week.

Today was the big day, the doorbell rang and a opened it up and there standing there was a courier with a bog box in her arms.

“Amanda”?

“Err umm yes”

She gave me a strange look and passed me an electronic pad to sign for my package.
I sign her pad and grab my new toy and run inside to open it up and see what it looks like.
I unceremoniously tear the box open and look inside and start pulling out the computer from the box until it was empty.
Hmmmm?

I take the paper they included describing the contents of the box and take stock of what was in the box.
Hmmmm?

Take another look at the box and this time turn it upside down and shake it to see if there is a secret compartment.
You never know what these people think of when they make these things today.
Hmmmm?

I walk over to the phone and call technical support again.
“Hi it’s me......umm Amanda, I’m having a problem with my new free computer”.

“Oh, what’s wrong”?

“I can’t seem to see anything”.

“Is the computer on”?

“Yes it is”.

“Do you know where to plug in the monitor”?

“Yes I know where to plug in the monitor”.

“Did you check to see if it’s plugged in properly”?

“No”.

“Can you check please”?

“I am afraid I can’t”

“Why is that”?

“Because I can’t find the monitor, it didn’t come with the computer”.

Silence…………………………………….

“ I have to speak to my supervisor”.

Why did I know he was going to say that?
After a short time I was pleasantly surprised that they love my business and will be shipping me a 19-inch LCD monitor tomorrow instead of the 17 just to keep me happy.

What can I say; I’m a happy guy.

Have a nice day

Walker