blue moon (2)

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The Pearly Whites ©

I remember when I was a kid how it used to be a chore to brush my teeth and I did most of the time, never as much as I should have with all the crap I used to eat.

There was plenty of incentive to brush my teeth living around me in the form of family.
Most of these people lived at a time when a toothbrush was a pick carved out of an olive tree branch and sharpened with a razor sharp point at one end.

The pencil sized tooth pick would be rams between the teeth to extract the lamb leg that was lodged there for the last week and when you are done you just wipe the pike on you pants and put it back in your pocket for the next time when you need it, maybe for a sore tooth.
Just jab the pointed end between the gum and tooth and push down like a lever and the tooth will pop right out.

Man am I happy they invented toothbrushes when they did.

When they got cavities they would travel great distances by donkey to the big city, usually about 500 people and go see a dentist and have gold fillings and teeth in.
Where do you think rappers got the idea from, old toothless Greeks?

The practice of putting in gold teeth stopped when the price of gold hit the roof and muggings along with it.
People were being held up at gunpoint and liberated of their wallets and teeth.

The Nazis took gold teeth stealing to the extreme.

Hey, speaking of Nazis and such, did you see the skinheads arrested in Israel?
Jewish Nazis, go figure.
Why not, it’s another form of suicide isn’t it and today’s youth looks for new ways to kill themselves.

WTF are they thinking, do they know how to think?
They were going around beating people up and saluting each other like Nazis.
With so much in the news and history books about the holocaust you would think they would realise that they are supporting their own annihilation.

You know how stupid I think this is and people like them are.
I am willing to bet that somewhere out there, there are Neo Nazis Skinheads whom are offended that there are Jews that support their cause.

Nuts.

Not wanting to end up looking at my teeth in a glass next to our beds we began a regiment of brushing our teeth on a daily basis and more than once a day at times.
No sooner than we get into the brushing of the teeth our dentists spring something knew on us that will help our teeth last longer.
Flossing.
I hate flossing and have looked for other ways to get around it but I am still stuck with flossing for now.

So every morning you got to get up and brush you teeth then floss after which you wash your mouth out with mouthwash that also helps fight in the war against gingivitis.

A couple of years later you are at your dentist and she tells you that you should invest into a water-pik.
Will it get rid of the hated flossing, no but it will add one more task to the morning washroom ritual.
BUT, it’s for the teeth, the pearly whites.

Wake up in the morning
Stagger to the washroom fall on the toilet seat and watch the cat pretend he missed you all night while you slept and he cause who knows what damage down stairs.

With half close eyes you stumble to the medicine cabinet and grab a tube and fill your toothbrush and start brushing your teeth.
The whole time you are hoping that wasn’t the tube of haemorrhoid cream you grabbed instead of the toothpaste.
You stop brushing, open the door again and right there in front of you both tubes are laying side by side.

Oh well, you keep brushing but you have to brush a certain way, from top to bottom or you will hear from the dentist next visit.
After that you rinse and then start flossing.
Have you ever notice that the floss you buy and the floss the dentist uses feels different in your mouth.
The floss I get, which all people get, slips through your teeth effortlessly but the dentist floss is like a big fucked rope that they struggle to get between your teeth and when you ask them about it they same, “No, it’s the same floss”.
The hell it is.

After flossing then rinsing your mouth out you bring out the water-pik and fill it will one cap of mouthwash and the rest water and then begin hosing down the inside of your mouth.
They even have a tool for your tongue so you could make it squeaky clean to.

This takes about forty minute just to take care of your mouth, you haven’t even showered shaved or dressed yet and most ladies have to put on makeup.
You need almost two freaking hours in the morning just to get ready to get out of bed and downstairs.

Where is this post going or coming from you ask.
I was sitting watching TV the other day and a commercial came on and was advertising Crest daily whitening stripes.
The guy said it only takes five minutes a day.
ONLY!!!!!
You leave it on for five minutes it takes you ten more to put in on and take it off that’s fifteen minutes.

Only

Bah
But that’s not the kicker.
Here is the kicker, they are talking about cosmetically coloring teeth.
Yup
Red, blue, pink any color you want, yes even yellow.

It makes me ask myself

WHY THE FUCK AM I BRUSHING MY TEETH AND TRYING TO KEEP THEM WHITE FOR!!!!!

That damn glass on the nightstand table is looking good.

Either the world is going nuts or I am.

Have a nice day.

Walker

6 comments:

Shaz said...

Well walker this definately caught my eye as I am phobic about clean teeth and gums and I brush after every time I eat and floss and carry a tooth brush in my bag for when Im out. Now I know this is excessive but I smile all the time even when Im sick and Im not getting any younger so the wrinkles are coming thick and fast but I have always believed that a nice smile brightens evry ones day. So I nearly have a heart attack if there is a piece of parsley lodged and know one tells me. Do you think I have a problem? lol Keep on brushing Walker its good for the soul ;)

nachtwache said...

It's the world that's nuts. See? Who has time to work at a full time job?? Today I just slept, well, mainly. You're so right on about some young people. If someone was trying to kill them, they'd want to live. Maybe they need to be sent to North Korea, or pretty much anywhere in Africa, Iraq is a place where you have a good chance at getting killed.....our youth have it too damn good! Those young nazis in Israel were from Russia and except maybe one, aren't Jewish. Pretty twisted!
Colgate total has an ingredient like dial soap, that's good for oral health. I read a story about a woman who's teeth looked like she flossed well, she said she didn't, the dentist got her to tell him what she did, she brushed with dial soap, maybe the folks at Colgate made it up, but I like the idea. :) Take care!

Anonymous Boxer said...

I'm still a little grossed out AND fascinated by the above comment about brushing teeth with Dial Soap.

Hmmm - and I oddly need to go brush my teeth.....

patti_cake said...

Oh now colored teeth? That's taking it too far

Gypsy said...

Personally I'm looking forward to just popping my teeth in a glass. I agree with you about the dentists floss - it is like rope and your whole head bobs up and down when they yank it between your teeth. I badly need to go to the dentist but I keep putting it off....thanks for reminding me.

Dotm said...

Walker, you work too much. Hope you take a rest and enjoy your company when they arrive. The work won`t go anyplace, so let it wait till you get more rest.
Tell your Mother I wish her a very Happy Birthday- a little late, but that is me, always late.
Hope you got the cake ok- what kind was it? Now, I shouldn`t be asking that. Going to exercise places 4 times a week and thinking of cake? I`m really not a big cake eater, but go for the ice cream that usually accompanies Birthday cake.