blue moon (2)

Saturday, September 08, 2007

The Man A Cure ©

Let’s see if I can squeeze out a post today.
I have been really busy this week and had little or no time to do any writing or posting.
Couple that with a problem I have had with my shoulder.
For the last week I have been in extreme pain because of my right shoulder and I couldn’t understand why because I haven’t really banged it anywhere bad enough to cause this much pain.

Today I couldn’t take it any more so I headed off to a clinic to see what the hell is going wrong.
I’m one of those stubborn men that doesn’t go the doctor for just anything and waits until the pain goes away or the arm falls off but after taking two pain killers and still in excruciating pain I figured the arm was falling off so I better go have it looked at.

I go to the clinic and show my health insurance card and sit where they tell me to.
About thirty minutes later I get called into this room where a tiny little lady walks in and says she is doctor so and so.
I could barely hear her, her voice was so soft and a whisper.

I told her what the problem is and she asks me to take my shirt off and to sit on the stool in the center of the room.
With my shirt off and on the stool she starts yakking about my tattoos.
Well I am glad she likes them and she can play with them if she likes right after she fixes my fucken arm.

She walks around to my right shoulder and gently squeezes here and there, then probes where the joint is with her fingers; that made me flinch a bit.
Then while holding my shoulder she asks me to lift my arm, which only went waist high because it hurt too much to raise it any higher.

After she I had done what she asked she stood infront of me and told me to hold my arm out and to put my hand on her shoulder.
With my hand resting on her shoulder she started feeling around where the arm goes into the socket and without a word she yanks on my arm and twists it inward at the same time.
This sharp pain went through my brain and FUCK exploded from my mouth that was so loud I am positive the whole clinic heard it.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing and are you fucken crazy”?
I see her lips moving but hear nothing.
“I said you shoulder was dislocated and I had to put it back in place”.
Well you could have warned me first”.
“ I did”.
“No you didn’t”
“Yes I did, just before I put it back”.
“Well I didn’t hear fuck all, you talk so freaking quiet I can’t hear what the fuck you are saying.
“What do I got to do twist your nipple to the right to turn up the fucken volume”?

She said she was sorry; fuck that, when your job involves talking to people you should speak loud enough so they could hear you, especially if you’re planning on pulling someone’s fucken arm off.

She said I had dislocated my arm somehow and it wasn’t right in the socket, probably the way I sleep I guess.
I have had the shoulder damaged a couple of times, once when someone swung a baseball bat at my head and I didn’t move fast enough and got it in the shoulder.
So now it’s sitting right but I got to pretend I am a helicopter and makes circles in the air, I just have to remember not to do it while I am walking and end up hailing a bunch of cabs.

I came home from the clinic and I have to admit the arm didn’t hurt as much as it did before BUT she still pissed me off when she yanked my arm like that catching me off guard.
If I knew it was coming I would have prepared for it.
It only goes to prove that the quiet one’s cause the most trouble.

While I was settling myself in my chair the doorbell goes off and I go to see whom it was.
My friend Paul came over to help me move the couch from next door to my SIL’s place and move hers to my place.
I tell him I can’t because of the arm but he says this is the only time he will be able to stop by.

You know, I must be either stupid or a glutton for punishment.

I am on the phone with the SIL and she is telling me she doesn’t want the couch at her place.
I call the brother and he says to take it over there.
I call the SIL and tell her what brother said but she says it’s the wrong color and doesn’t want it.
I call brother and tell him that and he calls her and they fight over the phone for about thirty minutes because he wasn’t to bring a relatively new leather couch to her place but she wants to keep the phony ripped leather couch instead.

My phone rings and my brother tells me to keep the couch.
Cool, now where do I put another freaking couch?
I had this old love chair that Frick used as a scratch post once that I decided to throw out and put the new couch there.

So we go to the shop and clear the area to take out the couch, I had my father hold the door open and we tried to get the couch out but we were having a hard time of it because he is the first apartment there and his door is at the junction of the enclosed stairs leading to the second floor, the hallway and the front door.
The wall was only six feet from the door to so we couldn’t figure how the hell to get it out.
They brought it in so it had to go out.
I was cursing at the thing, it seems me and couches are only meant to lie down together because when it comes to moving them I am cursed by the couch gods every time I have to move one.

My arm was killing me but I was more mad that I was being outsmarted by a fucken couch I ignored it.
This way or that, from the top or the bottom it wouldn’t go.

My father said that he saw them bring it in and it was easy.He just likes to piss me off I think.

If there weren’t bars on the window I would have tossed it out and run if over with the truck at that stage.
We removed the legs and it was still tight and now stuck in the doorway.
That was the last straw, I told buddy to push it through and I didn’t care if it shattered into a thousand pieces at that point and while he pushed, I pulled and you could hear the wood under the leather creaking as it was about to snap then it popped out into the hallway on a upward angle because the hallway was to narrow.
From there it was easy getting out of the building and next door to my place where I had made room for it but not enough it seemed, I had to remove a shelve unit to make more room for.
So now I have a brand new used red leather couch.

The week has been really busy around here to because of my uncle; my parents have been going to the hospital every day since he had his heart attack.
On Wednesday the told him that he could go home so he called my aunt to tell her that he needed her to pick him up from the hospital at noon.

My aunt is a nice lady and one of my favourite aunts but she was always short a couple of marble for as long as I could remember her.
I was in Greece when she married my uncle and I was there when he took her virginity.
That was a very confusing night, especially for an eleven year old but two years later I found out what it was all about.
Yeah, after the wedding we left to come home and we shared the same hotel room and they hadn’t had the opportunity yet but let me tell you, it didn’t sound like fun with all the crying and noise happening and that was my uncle, you should have heard her.

Anyhow, my uncle called her to pick him up and she decided to go to the mall first and drop off some dry cleaning.
At noon my uncle is at the hospital waiting for her to show up because they were not releasing him unless there was someone there to take him.
He calls home but there is no answer so he figures she is on her way.

My aunt is walking back after dropping off the clothes and sees the salon and remembers she broke her nail and goes in to get it fixed so she could look good.

It’s 2pm and my uncles was getting mad and worried as were the staff because they had a patient in the hallway waiting to move into his room.
My uncles decides to call his son and tells him that his mother was two hours late coming to get him.
The son first goes by the house to make sure nothing bad has happened and then took the route she would have taken to the hospital so he could look if there was an accident anywhere but here wasn’t.
He got to the hospital and picked up my uncle.

My aunt looked at her nail and it looked like new compared to the others so she decides that she might as well do them all because she looked funny with one good nail and the others not so new.
3 pm my uncle and his son are getting worried about her and are calling around to see if she had stopped somewhere.

My aunt walked out of the nail place and looked down at her shiny toenails, glistening fingernails and loved the way they looked.
She got into the car and started driving home but there was something bugging her, like something she forgot to get.
Oh well it can’t be that important.

My uncle and his son were in the kitchen when the door opened and she walked in and when she looked at him, she remembered.

Have a nice weekend



Gypsy said...

A little while back it was your knees I had to kiss better, now its your shoulder. Really Walker, you're pushing the friendship a That sounded excruciating and I hope you haven't made it worse by moving bloody furniture right after its been put back into place.

Your Aunt sounds a lot like me. I forgot to pick my kids up from school once and the office had to ring me up. How embarrassing!!!

Peter said...

Hi Walker, I've never had a dislocated shoulder, but I sure as hell ain't going to a Canadian clinic to get it fixed if I ever have one.

Lindy said...

So sorry for your ouchie! You need to take better care of it if for nothing else than to continue that awesome story!

PBS said...

A dislocated shoulder sounds horribly painful and I bet moving the couch didn't help. But a new, red leather couch! That would make it more worthwhile, sort of.

patti_cake said...

Take care of that shoulder Walker. You're going to end up in a wheel chair at 60 at the rate your going. Not a good thing

Anonymous Boxer said...

You are one tough, fucker.


I'm impressed.