blue moon (2)

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Engaging ©

Drama, drama, drama what would life be without it?

It’s true, we all try and stay away from it but the little fucker sneaks up on you when you least expect it.
Sometimes it’s not even your drama, it’s someone else’s and you find yourself ass deep in it and someone else is trying to shit out of your hole without your permission.
I figure since I have to deal with the “droids” I should be the only one allowed to crap out of it, so I take offence and besides they’re only making a mess out of my leg anyhow.

Now drama doesn’t start in a particular place, it could begin anywhere, let’s take the washroom since I have already crapped all over the front of this post.
BTW, do you know why the slang term for a toilet is “Crapper” and your stool “Crap”?
It’s because Mr Crapper invented the toilet.
Everyone made so much fun of his name he changed it to Wiper as he laughed all the way to the bank.
Umm that was a joke, the Wiper part at least so none of you go out there and start any drama because you think I’m right…

So you’re sitting on the toilet with a big smile on your face because you are loosing weight and didn’t have to exercise to do it.
You lie back against the tank, stretching your legs out getting comfortable when the phone rings.
It always does when you’re sitting on the toilet going for a good one when the fucken phone goes off and is usually a stupid telemarketer.
What do you do?
It could be important but it’s rude to sit on the “crapper’ and talk to someone on the phone.

No, grunt, no I ‘m not…doing....any…thing, Oh yeah baby!!!!!!
Oh, that was nothing
There was a cute chick walking past the window.
Yeah, I’m sitting on the couch in the living room.
Listen I got to go, I can’t find the remote

So you lie back against the tank and grab today’s newspaper and sit there on the crapper, reading and listening to the radio in the background when the news comes on and there is a live report going on.

The phone starts ringing again and you look at it and wonder if you should get up again and get it or just sit there.
You decide to sit there and keep reading the newspaper.
First the local to see if any of your friends got busted over the night.
Yeah, that’s how we kept track of us when we were running with the Wild Bunch.
Everyday we went to the same bar/pub/restaurant/strip club/whorehouse/drug store in town.
Saved on cab fares running to different places.
We would gather there and catch up on the night’s events.
After a couple of hours we would notice the missing guys.
Then we all started asking each other if anyone saw them the night before and start tracing their whereabouts the previous day.
When we finally can’t go back any further we open the paper to the city section and lo and behold, mystery solved.
It’s almost like Child Find where they put missing kids pictures on the side of milk boxes.
That is one of the best ideas I have ever seen.
We look in the city section to find busted friends.
But you know they could make life a little easier for worried criminals.
I think that they should put the pictures of busted criminals on the side of beer bottle so their friends wouldn’t have to worry about where their money was when buddy didn’t show up after the drug deal.

Letting the phone ring you keep on reading the paper and listening to the radio and see that the Prime minister is thinking of when to call the next election but needs to lower some taxes so that people with be temporarily happy to vote for him.

The phone starts ringing again
Persistent people, fuck em
Keeps reading, sports section is a bust because I don’t watch sports much.
Comics, yes my speed at this time of day.

You hear on the radio that there is a fire getting out of control and there are four fire teams out there fighting to get it under control.
Phone rings
Damn people, don’t they know people have work to do?

Now the radio is getting more interesting that the paper so you sit there straining your ears to hear what is happening.
It seems that a garage at 1326 XXXXXXXX St. is engulfed in flames and the fire department is trying to save the house directly behind it at 356 XXXX.
Wow you know that street it’s the same street you live on.
That’s your address.
You shoot forward so fast you launch a depth charge into the crapper and your butt is soaked from the backwash of the explosion.

Turning you grab for the toilet paper but you’re out, so you open the cupboard and there is none there because you forgot to get some like you were supposed to two days earlier.
You grab for the tissue paper but that’s out to because you used it the night before when you realized there was no more toilet paper.

What to do now?
You look at the shower and decide you will shower it off so you strip and jump into the shower and turn on the taps.
A drop of water drips out because the fire department is sucking it all away at the hydrant trying to save your house.
Now you’re screwed, so you sneak downstairs a bit to see if the anyone can see you if you ran by naked and sure as hell the curtains are open and there are 100 people out there watching.
What, nothing on TV?
So you grab the cat and use her for a thong and scoot to the kitchen to look for napkins.
Nope, none left because I used them two days ago when I realized I had no toilet paper the first time.

Now what do you do?
You are in the kitchen almost naked and your thong is getting restless.
You look on the table where the mail has been piling up and sitting there barely visible is a Kotex maxi pad sample.

You look around the room to see if someone is around to see you, you never know, walls have eyes they say.
You pick up the package and read it.
It’s says its absorbs well and doesn’t leak.
What the hell, you sneak back up stairs and you use it.
You notice how soft it is, not like that sandpaper toilet stuff I had but not as soft and the tissue, it had lotion in it.
The napkins were cuter they had Santa on the front.

After you use it you toss it in the toilet and flush then run to get some clothes.
The phone rungs and you answer it.
Your mother is on the other side freaking out asking where the hell you were when she was calling and then says you were in the washroom again weren’t you.
Moms know their kids well don’t they.

She tells you the place next door is on fire and to get out.
You hang up and run for the stairs and notice the water in the hallway.
You walk up and the toilet is over flowing and water is rushing out of the door so you run in and try and get the toilet to stop running but you can’t and the valve is way behind so you have to knell in all the pissy, shitty water to shut it off.
You get on your knees and shut the valve off and run downstairs, grab two cats and hit the door.
You stand outside with the rest of the onlookers watching the show and the guy next to you asks if you smell something.

See you don’t need other people’s drama to have drama in your life but other people like dragging you in like this.

My aunt came by the other day to tell us about what is going on with the engagement party we are going to next weekend, I thought it was this weekend, so no panty on the head dancing for me.
I posted about having to buy presents for it last week.
Now in all fairness, yes we spent a lot of money getting stuff that they asked for BUT I do want to point out some of what I have recently learned.
The bride to be has spent a lot of time and effort making the 300 gifts for each person attending, for them to bring home with them after, at a cost of $100 each.
The dinner is a $200 a plate affair with an open bar until closing.
So we are getting our moneys worth but still, it didn’t have to be expensive on anyone’s part and I think it’s too extravagant.

It seems there is a war brewing and it my aunt’s daughter who is in the center of it.
My aunt says she doesn’t want her brother to marry this woman because she is fat.
HA HA HA!!!!!!!!
This is like the Hippo calling the piggy fat.
I have met the bride to be and she is a beautiful woman who smiles all the time.
Well educated and always happy.
She has a thyroid problem and my cousin who works late feeds her pizza at midnight almost every day.
He loves her to bits,
Her family loves him to pieces.
It’s like on big salad.

My cousin doesn’t come from a rich background and what they have they have worked hard to earn.
He works 12 hours a day.
Her father’s is loaded, I mean really loaded in the hundreds of millions but he doesn’t care.
He offered the future SIL a job where he didn’t have to work as much but he said no he like what he was doing and wanted to make his own way.
They go on trips and he has to stay because he works but when they get back there is a truckload of gifts from her family for him and her family.
They are easy people to sit and talk with and don’t throw their money in your face.
All in all they are good people you could call friend or family with pride.

My aunt’s daughter is not as enthralled with her brother’s decision to marry her and I don’t think it’s because she is fat as I told my aunt.
My cousin is a greedy little bitch who wants everything and only the best for her.
She thinks she is better than everyone else and the truth be told she doesn’t have it and never will.
When she married her husband they agreed they would live in t he house his parent’s owned and she said yes.
They live next door to his parents.
His father borrowed and spent a hundred thousand making it even bigger for them as he said he would and they started having kids like crazy, three so far in 5 years.
Part of the deal was that her husband would inherit the house they lived in and the one her husband’s parents lived in.
Sounds like a good deal to me.

So while she is pumping out kids she is getting her brothers who are single and have lots of spare cash to buy her expensive gifts for the kids and stuff for the house.
Her house looks like an over stuffed mausoleum of crap as far as I am concerned, but that’s me.
But now her oldest brother got married and he is building himself a four-bedroom 2400 square foot house and has no time or money to spend on her because he wants to start his own family.
She was still ok because she had the youngest and most generous one, but wait?
What’s that?
He is getting engaged, oh oh.
Now she sees all the wells drying up and has attacked the woman to her face and called her a “Fat Cow” because of her wait.
Or is it, could she be maybe let’s say, JEOLOUS.

So she has insulted the girl and now her brother told her that he is going to marry her and he didn’t give a shit if she showed up or not.
Her mother and father, my uncle and aunt have told her she will go because she not only insulting the bride family but her own and she owed her brothers a lot for what they done for her.
She still said no and didn’t go to a dinner hosted by the bride’s family at their home.

To make matters worse her husband’s brothers have now built new large single homes for their families that are beautiful and now she wants the same and says that she will buy one next year but doesn’t have the money to do it.
She thinks she will rent out the one she is living in and use the rent to pay the mortgage on the new house but…….there is always a but.
You see she doesn’t own the house, it belongs to her FIL who got a loan to do the new renovations for them and they don’t pay rent or taxes or anything other that the heat and hydro.
The FIL even throws her 100 a week just like that for her to get stuff for her and the kids.
But if she moves out I don’t think he will let her take the rent money and still have to pay all the bills and the mortgage so she could live high like a hippo hog.
So now because of this woman’s greed people are not happy.

Next weekend is going to be very interesting, almost like a running soap opera.
Drama Drama Drama it’s everywhere, that’s why I like Sci-Fi so much, I know it’s not real.

Have a nice day



Lindy said...

And god forbid someone dies. Then the drama really gets going. Aren't families fun?

Peter said...

Is it your family that are irrepressible or is it your story telling ability that makes them seem so??????

gab said...

yeah that was funny. But then again not so funny when it actually happens to you. Almost the same way fire next door yadda yadda yadda. only it wasnt a maxi pad it was paper towels and I swear I did not drop it into the toilet.
We had a metal stand with just a toilet seat on it out at our farm that we all call the crapper. Why? well yes its is a toilet..but see we only go # 2 using the crapper. For #1 the guys just let it hang.... us girls go into the travel trailer and use the bathroom there. Why dont we crap in the trailer? No water.

Gypsy said...

LMAO...Only you could turn a stressful drama filled situation and turn it into an hilarious story. As I was reading I was watching the whole thing unfold in my head, thankyou so much for the good laugh.

Now I was looking forward to you getting into a panties on the head situation. We haven't had a sex post in a while and I thought that might inspire one. (I do understand why you haven't been in the right frame of mind btw).

If this is how extravagant the engagement's going to be, I suggest you start saving your butt off for the wedding my friend. Personally, I think its ridiculous but each to their own. They're nice people by the sound of things and if they've got it they may as well spend it on something that makes them happy.

One more thing, does Frick now need therapy after serving as a thong?????

Walker said...

Lindy: Life is full of drama, the thing is do we let it take us over or do we just deal with it accordingly and brush it off instead of letting it consume us.
But yeah family does have a bit in it especially if there is someone wanting something

Walker said...

Peter: Maybe a little bit of both.
I do have a large family ith hundreds of coucsins in the region so there is bound to be something. Then there is the cultural thing and what trdition dictates people should do, like the wedding extravegance for instance and then there is my flare for expressing how these people make me feel when they act a certain way.

Walker said...

Gab: when the place next dorr was ablaze and the phone ringhing I didnt even know until I answered the phone but not having toilet paper to wipe I refused to go out until i did.

Walker said...

Gypsy: If I could make a negative into a possitive then get people to laugh in the process then I have achieved my goal.
I rather have smile lines etched on my face than worry lines on my forehead.

Ha, I got the suit this time and the envelope is getting $150 and that's it :)

patti_cake said...

I think it's a crying shame that girl can't be happy for her brother but some people are so selfish.

You are right about having smile lines instead of frown lines!! I second that emotion!

Walker said...

Patti_Cake: Yes it is and I never thougght she would turn on her brother like this but as it stands now they may not be talking to each iother for a long way as the war has escalated and hard words have been exchanged by all parties.
I hope they manage to get it together at least by the wedding.

Blazngfyre said...

Maybe it's because i'm scared to death of something like that ever happening to me, I NEVER run out of TP!
In fact, I stockpile the stuff, and have several "emergency" rolls stashed in various places in my bathroom.
Can you say anal (LOL) retentive much?!

That's horrible the way she's treating her brother & his betrothed. Someday, she may live to regret her selfish actions and her greedy ways.
I wish them all the best, with NO DRAMA on THEIR day!

Just because there's no scheduled party doesn't mean you can't still wear knickers on your head.
I have a nice yellow silk & lace pair if you're interested.

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: I have since kept a 36 roll reserve and another 36 roll I use.
When that is done I go for more from costco.

I think one day her big mouth will bite her in the fat butt and she will regret it.
All I see is a user and no one wants a user around.

Now if you can get them to me while they are still steaming then I would wooo hooo
That should curl my curls LOL

Monica said...

It's good to see you posting funny stuff. I hope everything is well with you. Continued prayers.

Take care of you.

Walker said...

Monica: Just keep it up, you need all the help you could get