blue moon (2)

Friday, June 08, 2007

Near Misses ©

Let's see, what should I post about.
A Sex Talk........ maybe......I feel like talking about pussy.... naw, that's not true.
I feel like eating pussy.
OH NO not you Emme.
Damn, I scared the cat away again.
Maybe that's why Emme has lost so much weight lately , I keep saying I want to eat pussy so much she doesn't want to look as plump as she used to.

I think tomorrow we will be done at my mother’s house and then the work starts on mine next week, which means I may become scarce.
After seeing the work done next door I have started packing things away so I don’t end up with more work for my trouble than I bargained for.
To say it was smooth sailing next door would be a joke in the making.
The inside of the house looks like it went through a gun fight with all the holes in the walls throughout and all my brother says to my parents is that he will fix them but you could see the doubt in their faces , there are that many holes and not little ones, BIG gapping wounds.
Making those holes was necessary so that they could get all the new wires through and to remove the existing wires, not to mention they needed to find where the old wire were going.
Throwing in the fact that our walls are eight inches thick because they had plaster and ribbing which was later covered with drywall, it makes it hard to break through but does create clouds of dust.
Another problem was because the walls were so thick the drill bits were to short to go all the way through the walls and upstairs so what they did was drill up and then go from upstairs and drilled down hoping to hit the hole they drilled up.

Most times they miss making them try and try and try again, my parent’s walls and floors look like Swiss cheese but they don’t know it and I am not going to be the one to tell them either, they shoot the messenger first you know.
After a couple of days of trial error and holey hell, my brother went out and bought this special drill bit that’s 5 feet long and flexible so that they could be more efficient at drilling in the right spot.
Hmmm, who said they were efficient to begin with?

The first hole he drilled with this monster went well, straight up between the walls to the first floor.
After he went to the first floor and started drilling up and all of a sudden he got jammed and couldn’t go up or pull the bit back down.
After ten minutes of tugging, pushing drilling front and back we went upstairs and looked into the hole that was cut into the wall to see if the bit was anywhere in sight but we couldn’t see the drill bit at all and we should have.
It was three feet up and the floor was only a foot and a half thick so it should be right there in front of the hole in the wall.

I stuck my arm in and didn’t feel a thing, we went back downstairs where my brother turned the drill on once more to try to loosen it up but it was stuck there really good.
He said that it felt like it was stuck in some rags.
Rags, why the fuck would they put rags between the walls back when they built this house but you know, nothing would surprise me after what I have seen in these walls already.
This time I told him I would go upstairs then he could turn the drill on so I can hear where it was inside the wall.
When I got into place I told him to start it up and as the drill was labouring away I could hear the drill in front of me behind the wall but the funny thing was that it sounded like it was higher than where I was looking but I still couldn’t see it and I should have at least seen the shaft as it went by the hole.

I touched the wall and I couldn’t feel a thing and I should have been able to feel the vibrations at least with the drill bit spinning.
Weird I thought so I got up to go into the bedroom and the other side of the wall to see if I could feel anything from that side of the wall.
In the bedroom I bent down to look at the wall and that’s when I saw the drill bit and I can tell you this much, my brother was right, there were rags stalling the drill because he missed the wall and had drill up through the floor, the bottom of the dresser and was now waving my mother’s underwear around in the drawer.
I yell at him to stop and to come up stairs.
He looked at the drill bit going into the bottom of the dresser looked at me and asks what we were going to do.
Run, run fast because “I’m telling mom”.
He almost croaked when I said it.

I pulled the drawer open a little and with my hand I unwrapped the bit’s head so he could pull it out.
As soon as it was out I opened the drawer more and we could see this one inch round hole on the bottom of it.
I took out the underwear that was wrapped around the bit head and looked at them.
I hope my mother likes crotchless underwear because she just got her first pair at eighty years of age to bad they were a gift from her youngest son.
I put them back in the drawer and patted down the carpet so it wouldn’t look like there was now a nice big hole in it.

He went back downstairs and drilled a new hole, which went where it was supposed to between the walls and not my mother’s panties.
After we had pulled the lines to the attic we went back downstairs, me on the first floor and my brother in the basement where I stood at the wall watching while he drilled a new hole up from the basement.
As I stood there staring at the hole in the wall for the drill bit to make it’s appearance this small Tee Pee started growing in the living room, it looked weird at first then funny when the drill bit popped out from the top of it, another hole in the carpet.
Did I mention my parents paid five grand to have this carpet installed in their house and here was my brother pumping holes in it.
He came up when I called him and the look on his face when his eyes caught sight of the drill sticking out of the carpet made me laugh so hard I almost swallowed my tongue.
I asked him why he didn’t measure the distance from the far wall and he said he did but he didn’t add the fucken thickness of the wall, so he came up 3 inches short thus adding more holes in the floor than a colony of mice would have.
This time I went to the basement and pulled out the drill and drilled a new hole, which went where, it was supposed to.

The drill bit is a lot of help but because it’s long and flexible it has a habit of wandering sometimes and goes where you least expect it (This is starting to sound like a Sex Talk Post) like when they drill down from the attic and into the washroom.
My brother was safely in the closet while the other guy was in the attic crawl space drilling down so they could run I wire for the bathroom light.
The guy upstairs was yelling down if it came threw yet and my brother told him no but that he would hear that it was closer and getting louder when the bit went through the closet ceiling and knocked the hat of my brothers head, a foot and a half from where it was supposed to come out.
It was a good thing my brother was in the washroom so he didn’t have far to go for the toilet.

Last night after dinner I wandered next door to see what they were up to because I could hear banging on the wall.
My brother was still at it alone with my father helping.
My old man has done a lot of work because of this work that’s being done, he is tired all the time and passes out asleep as soon as he sits in his chair.
They called me up to help them pass a wire down between the walls from the attic to the second floor.
My brother was in the attic, I was to feed the line up to him and he would in turn feed it downward to my father who was standing there waiting for it to come out of the hole.

So I start feeding up the line and my brother in dropping it down to my father.
My brother asks me if the old man has it yet, so I ask my father who says it hasn’t come out yet.
Telling this to my brother, he puts more line down the hole and I ask the old man again and he still said that no line has emerged yet for him to grab.
We had already fed about forty feet down the hole for it to go eight feet.
My brother kept dropping more line down the hole and just then my mother called up asking why there was wire all over the downstairs hallway.
I stopped what I was doing and went to see what she was talking about with my brother now behind me.

Do you know that look people get when they do something stupid and they know they did it and there are witnesses so denying it, is futile.
Yes you do.
We all have done it and more than once.
Well here is my father with that look on his face, standing there all red faced and embarrassed.

This is what happened.
My brother and I fed the wire through and my father was watching the WRONG hole as the wire came out where it was supposed to…..
At the bottom of the wall.
Not at the top where my father was looking.

The wire snaked out of the hole
Between his legs
Across the hallway
Through the banister and now was collecting on the hallway floor in front of my mother.
I think my mother laughed the hardest.

Next week they start here……..oi vay.

Have a nice weekend and remember if I am not around a lot in the next few weeks, it’s not because I don’t love yeah.



Angel Without Wings said...

LMAO...its like watching the 3 stooges imagining all the goings on at your construction site. I'm glad it was funny because here I was sitting here all ready for sex talk and it didn't come. Oh well, a good belly laugh was probably what the doctor ordered anyway.

Are you seriously going to let your brother anywhere near your house? He's ONLY JUST far enough away from mine for me to feel safe.

Have a great weekend Walker and please be careful. Will miss you in the coming weeks so try to visit won't you?

Lora_3 said...

I hope a hundred women show up at your house with signs that say "Eat Me"!


Be safe...

Nan said...

This is too funny!

nachtwache said...

I'd be worried to, if I was a cat and my human said that ;)
Funny, funny, funny! Yeah, you're letting your brother in your house with power tools? Better move your underwear. Good luck!
Have a good weekend :)

Sally said...

Hope you report sooner than later that after all this work is done, ya'll are all in one piece!

Take care! :)

hellbunny said...

My god that bit about your dad looking in the wrong place for the wire was so funny.I had to have my new place rewired before i moved in,so i have a good idea of what your talking about.

gab said...

I know about holes.....When the police called to tell us to bring a camera and get here quick I was scared so bad that I made my sister and her hubby come with me. Holes in every damn wall in this place and its not a small house. So here we are stuck here trying to fix this up so as to sell it while our other house is falling to pieces. More work to do. Well ok maybe not as we might just sell it with the intent that the new owners have to tear it down after they buy it or hell we may tear it down ourselfs then just sell the garage and land. Im beginning to think houses are a pain in the you know what! Live in an apartment let them do all the work! Ah but I know its not all a bed of roses there either. So your damned if you do and damned if you dont!

Shaz said...

That is so funny that poor cat and your mumma, the pussy's scared of being eaten and ya mummas undies are getting drilled.
Now that does sound like a sex post LMAO.

On a serious note thankyou so much for your comment it made a lot of sense.
I also like the fact that I am getting talked about in the way you describe, it humbles me as immensely.
I dont like to come off as a whiner so its nice to know you can see past that and I really do appreciate the compliment. Especially from you my friend. xx

Be careful but ay, you dont know where the hell you'll hit with a 5ft drill bit, you really don't want to be screwed by your brother I wouldn't reckon. lol

Peter said...

Hey Walker that's got to be one of the funniest posts I've ever read (mind you it wasn't my underwear that was being converted to crotchless) I,m thinking that I would never be game to turn on a light switch after your brother had worked on the wiring... electrocution just doesn't have that much appeal.
Stay safe.

Monica said...

I'm telling mom?

As my boys attest to, that phrase just never ends no matter what age.

You two try not to hurt yourselves playing construction workers and macho men.

Blazngfyre said...

It's like a train wreck.
You know you should say something, and you really can't bear the thought of anyone getting hurt .... but you CANNOT TEAR YOUR EYES AWAY!

Dotm said...

Your holey walls remimded me of what our other house looked like after one tennant with three small kids moved out. She was forever asking for paint to re-paint a room. I kept telling my Husband to check the house as I feared they were destroying those walls. He disagreed and kept trusting them and kept giving her money to re-paint. Well, to make a long story short, after they moved out, we did need to re-paint the dirty walls and it seemed like every few paint brush strokes hit another place where there was nothing felt under the last paint coat-- turned out she just pasted pieces of paper over huge holes and painted over the paper so it didn`t show. We had to remove and replace all the wall sheetrock before painting. Hubby felt stupid seeing it and said he should have listened to me. A few years later her husband left her and she called us looking for good references for a place she wanted to rent. I said No, I couldn`t do that to another human being. She told me Walt would do it for her. Was she ever surprised when she showed up at our door to hear him tell her absolutely not.
Good luck whemn they help with your home.