blue moon (2)

Sunday, January 21, 2007

Shithead Ache ©

Have you ever walked into a room and find your kids sitting there looking innocent and you just know that they aren’t.
It looks to fucken good.
They are usually fighting or arguing about something small, insignificant but now….they have teamed up and are partners, best buddies.
You look around the room to see if anything has changed but no it all looks, as it should.
You gently take a sniff………………..
Can’t smell any cigarettes, pot, sex or even a fart.
Now you’re scared.
Fucken right you are because you have tuned yourself to their brain waves and were always one step or two ahead but NOW………….you’re in the dark.
Your heart starts beating faster your brain moves quickly back trying to remember if you have paid up the insurance on the house.

So what do you do now?
Do you attempt trying to pry out the truth or do you grab your coat and run for the door and dear life?
You give them that stare hoping they would crack.
You know what stare I am talking about?
The, I know what you did while I was gone stare but am giving you the chance to fess up stare hoping it might fool them and spilling the beans.
They of course counter with the, I have no idea why you are giving me the, I know what you did while I was gone stare but am giving you the chance to fess up stare, when we haven’t done anything wrong, “Blink”.
AH HA!!!!!!!!!!
I got them.

I walked into my parent’s place the other day and as soon as I walked in they both went silent.
Now that is an alarm bell if I ever heard one, I could tell they had been arguing, their eyes were still bulging.
I asked them what was up and they both said nothing, they were just watching TV.
It would help if it was on, don’t you think?
So I asked them again what they did and my father said he didn’t do anything that it was my mother’s fault.
She looked at him and said it wasn’t her fault.
It was my brother’s fault.
Hmmmm, if he is involved in this to I should start running.
So I probed some more until I got the story.

I had gone to the pharmacy the other day and got my mother some meds the doctors prescribed.
They have both been sick and both of them have pneumonia but my mother is constipated as well, so she got prescribed a stool softener.
My mother has her ways of doing things couple that with the arthritis she has in her hands and she kinda takes the pills she gets and puts them in other bottles she can open and writes on the front with a pen what’s inside.
Sounds simple enough right?

Like I have been telling you all here that everyone has been sick around me with a stomach flu and headaches, I got I taste of it but it seems my voodoo is to strong so it went to look for someone a little more susceptible to it, like my brother and SIL.
Now my brother, being the cheap little fuck that he is, he went to my mother's house and poached her extra strength gel caps.
Not one or two but the whole fucken bottle the greedy fuck AND he didn’t ask, he just came and took them.
He didn’t even think if they, my parents still needed some, turns out they didn’t but that wasn’t the problem.
The problem was that my mother, didn’t have any Tylenol gel caps.
She used to, but now she didn’t.
What she did have was stool softener in green gel caps that she kept in the Tylenol Gel caps bottle.

My parents didn’t think it was funny but …….. yes it is LMAO!!!!!!!

I asked them when this happened and they said a couple of days ago.
That was so funny, so what did my brother say when you told him?
What do you mean you haven’t told him?
It seems they were to scared to tell him he has been taking stool softener for the last two days because he would yell at them.
My jaw was sore from laughing so hard and so much.
Ok, so I had to deal with this obviously because as funny as this is, it can’t be a good thing, even though my brother is full of shit most of the time.
So I call my brother up to see how things are going.

So how’s it going?
Bad, my head is pounding and this stomach thing is fucken crazy.
I am always hungry but I go to the washroom almost as soon as I eat and that’s only if the bitch isn’t in there already.
She is in there more than I am.
I keep taking these Tylenols and they aren’t helping my head any or hers either.

How many did you take?
I took four yesterday and I just took three at once to see if it works better.
Oh man.

Maybe the pills have expired and they don’t work any more.
That’s possible, they are green and but the ones on the bottle are red and yellow.
I wouldn’t take any more, in fact I will bring you some I just got and you can try those and see if they work better.
Yeah ok.

Can you believe that?
He noticed the color difference and determined that they date expired and they changed color, now that’s logic.
I went over and got the stool softener from him and gave him a bottle of Tylenol gel caps
The first thing he noticed was the fresh red and yellow color, so the must still be good.
I brought back my mother pills and told her to put them somewhere safe, out of the reach of GROWN children.

In reality this was my brother's fault for taking something without asking first and my mother shouldn’t be keeping different meds in other bottles, it could have been a lot worse.
And that…….. was part of my weekend.

Have a nice day



Random Reflections said...

So, I guess your brother, quite literally, got a taste of his own medicine.

Poetic justice...

jac said...

It is a real LMAO.......
Have a nice week end buddy.

Peter said...

Hi Walker, we'll stick to that... less confusing, got your email about the blog post obviously, I thought bloglines must have thrown a fit when the wrong post came up.
"Blink" can be a killer eh?
As could the meds in wrong containers.

Walker said...

Random Reflections : He got what he had coming to him. But you know he will never learn because he doesn't know about it LOL

Walker said...

Jac: Yes it is Jac LMAO
You take care buddy

Walker said...

Peter: I was surprised to see the post that was up there since it wasn't the one I posted and then your comment came in lol
Yes you blink sometimes and you're screwed

hellbunny said...

I bet your brother will be telling you next he has stomach flu lol

Lora_3 said...

So you take after your Mom.LOL
Be safe...

Walker said...

hellbunny: Lets hope he doesnt have to lol

Walker said...

Lora:Yeah think I dont know her taste in dresses and mine are so way off.

patti_cake said...

Bwaa haa haaa that is the funniest thing i've read all day... well next to Hellbunny being serenaded by a Grease wanna-be :)
I'd say your bro definitely got what he deserved!

Walker said...

patti_cake : Ok now i have to run over to hellbunny to see this LOL

Nan said...

This so could have been much much worse but it's funny just the same.

Lindy...The Alien Keeper said...

I laughed so hard I just about shit myself! As my family would say, 'stupid, stupid, stupid!'.

Walker said...

Nan: Yes it could have and its a good thing we can laugh about it :)

Walker said...

Lindy: I can understand I almost pissed myself when i first heard it

craziequeen said...


oh man, that is gross....and is a lesson to never borrow drugs.....


Walker said...

CQ: Well there really isnt a lesson for him because we never told him, but my mopther now keeps her meds in her room so hopefully this won't happen again