blue moon (2)

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Royal Flush ©

I decided to stop over at Archie’s the other day; it’s been a couple of days since the pants episode.


Hi Arch
Hey kiddo
No hard feelings about the other day eh?
Oh no no no, don’t worry about it.
Grab that chair and sit right there.

Hi B, umm nice pants.
Yeah Archo bought me a new pair yesterday.
Hey that was nice of him. (Considering he ripped the last pair off of him)

So, Walker we were just talking and well we thought we would play poker on Christmas Eve and I was wondering if you would like to play.
Yeah sure Arch, I have nothing to do.
What time do you want me there?

We’ll be there at about 6pm.
Be where?
Your place, that’s where the game is, I have already told everybody.
Ummm so what if I said I didn’t want to play
You don’t have to play.
But the game is still at my place?
Right, ummmm so I guess I’m playing.

You don’t have to do nothing except cook.
I see, (So cooking is nothing)
K will bartend and serve us while we play.
Mike an I are going shopping on Friday and will pick up 3 cases of beer, 10 pounds of chicken wings and 10 pounds of Italian extra hot sausages.
We might get French fries to.
I will bring 3 bottles of Metaxa to wash the mouth after the wings.
I see you have it all arranged
Oh yeah you will have almost nothing to do but sit around and have fun loosing your money to me.
Yeah you said that on Thanksgiving and you lost.
I had a sore tooth that day.
I see, umm hey Archie…… do you think I can come inside now?
It’s getting kinda cold sitting out here talking through the screen.
No not yet, I’m not ready to be in the same room with you.
Oh, I see, well no problem.

I sat there until my fingers went numb and told him I had to go.
So it seems that I have a poker game at my place on Christmas Eve.
I don’t mind really, I usually have an open house with food and drinks for anyone stopping by.
I find this is a lot better than going out getting drunk and driving home.
When I was younger I was guilty of that many times until I woke up one day and had to look outside to see if my car was there or if I was smart enough to cab it.
My stupidity was parked right outside so ever since I don’t drink and drive.
Cab is cheaper or just party at home.

So I sat down thinking what I would need.
Mike was there half drunk staring at the TV.
I was thinking paper plates and plastic forks would be easy to clean up after.
I could boil the meat the previous day and let it soak up the sauce before I broiled the wings and grilled the sausages.
I have a big fridge so it will take four cases of beer without a problem.
There’s going to be a lot of pissing with that much beer.
Thinking back to Archie’s place, I remember him screaming at everyone for pissing all over the washroom walls when they are drunk.
No I mean shit.
No ...... you know what I mean, I don't want my walls pissed on or anywhere else for that matter.
So I sat there for a bit thinking and then it came to me.
I left Mike in his fog and went to the basement for almost two hours banging, sawing and cursing up a storm.
The basement is low in most places and I must have smacked myself in the head a dozen times.
At one stage I looked up the stairs and Mike along with the two cats were at the top staring down through all the saw dust at me.
When I was done I went back upstairs and dropped in my chair.
All three ran to the basement to see what I did.
Right down in the center of my basement is a toilet now.
There used to be one down there once that broke.
I have one I was going to put into the new washroom down there so I decided to use it for now.
I built a platform to get it higher than the drain and then put the toilet on top.
So not only is there a toilet in my basement but its so high it will feel like you’re sitting on a throne.

Mike came back up laughing.
He couldn’t believe I did that so fast.
He didn’t have the vision of 10 drunks hosing my washroom upstairs down with beer pee, that’s why.
But he said it was lower on one side.
I went down and damn if he wasn’t right, it’s off by about half an inch on the left side.
Oh well they can’t piss straight anyway so this might help.
I am putting up a wall on the left side just incase someone slides off of it.

That’s one problem solved but how many more will I come up with before this comes to be.
I hope all of your Christmas plans are moving smoothly as we close in on that big day.

Have a nice day


Lindy.. The Alien Keeper said...

HAHAHAHA! I think you should paint a bullseye around the seat. That'll give them something to aim at.

Walker said...

Lindy: It probably wouldn't help.
May explain why they have always been single to LOL

Peter said...

Good luck with the cards and the aiming, have a great Christmas.

Anonymous said...

Great Idea

Merry Christmas
I.P. Freely

patti_cake said...

I sure wish I lived closer to you, you always have something fun or a funny anticdote to share. I'm working on Christmas plans, go to MIL's or not.... ? That is the question..