blue moon (2)

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Blinded By The Light ©

I’m blind, BLIND I tell you.
Well I was for a while anyway, eight hours to be exact.
Today I went to the eye doctor to get my eyes checked and its official.
I’m still blind.
After whacking the shit out of my finger while building the closet I decided it was time to get the eyes checked again.
Mike made and appointment to since he had to hold the nail after I hurt mine and whacked him with the first swing.

I was one of this lady’s first patients and have been going there and bringing all my friends and family to her for 14 years.
I know her as well as you can, seeing some once every two years but she always seems to remember me.
The first time I saw her she was about 7 months pregnant, two years later when I went back she was 8 months pregnant.
I assured her that it would be out within the next two years.
We both started laughing and she told me that her first was a girl and didn’t know what this one coming was.
Over the last 14 years I watched her little private business blossom from a receptionist to 4 office people, three doctors and an optometrist.
As the business grew the over the years, those that have been there the longest know me and what I am capable of, the new one’s well……….

I walked into the office and reported to the front desk.
I was immediately taken upstairs to the doctor Mike sat to wait his turn after me.
She came out and greeted me then took me into the office.
We sat there catching up as fast as we could in the short time my appointment allowed.
I told her I almost didn’t recognize her because she wasn’t pregnant.
She noticed I had lost weight and asked about my mother who sees her yearly.

While she was putting my eyes through a series of tests I informed her that my cousin Mike was her next patient and it was his first time there.
I told her he was 80% deaf in the right ear and 60% deaf in the left.
She thanked me for informing her and she kept on doing the tests.
When she had done what she normally does, including a glaucoma test she said she wanted to perform some test that will enable her to look deep into the back of my eyes.
I said to her if she was looking for any signs of brain activity she would need a proctologist because I normally sit on it.

I said ok to the test but she informed me that after she administers these drops I wont be able to see well.
I figure, how bad can it be?
Ok let’s do it.
She puts in the drops in the right eyes first and then in the left and asks me how I was.
“OMG, I can’t see”.
“Open your eyes Walker”
I had to go outside for half an hour and wait for them to get dilated.
If I knew that’s what she wanted I would have smoked a joint before going there, it would have achieved the same results and been happy about it.
I passed Mike on the way into the office and sat down to read a magazine while he was tested.

I was engrossed in this article I was reading, I won’t say what it was about because I will be posting it some time next week.
As I was reading the article I started noticing that it was getting a bit blurry.
At first it was a slight nuisance but then it was becoming a chore to focus on the page.
Then all of a sudden there was no way I would see any print that wasn’t at least an inch big.
I put the magazine down and decided to relax and wait instead of forcing myself to see when it was obviously impossible.
The door opened about fifteen minutes later and Mike walked out, she called me in to the office once more.
She made me look up, down and all around.
“OK Walker, now look into the bright light”
“Looking into the bright light is not like walking to the bright light, right”?
I looked into this blinding light that must have sent shards of light shooting out my ears.
Then it was over.
She said my eyes are fine.
“Umm, but I still can’t see”.
“That will wear off in eight hours”

I had one more appointment to go to and all I could see was shapes and bright fog.
Stumbling down the stairs to the front lobby where Mike asked me how I was.
In front of the other patients I told him that I came in able to see and was now leaving blind.
Mike said one of them just stared at me with a worried look.
I sat in a chair to talk to the optometrist and to find out how much the new specs would cost me.
I sat the staring at the foggy voice in front of me while she tried to explain why my new glasses are going to cost me $600.
She called them progressive glasses and I will be able to see everthing far, close and read without a worry and according to what part of the lens I look out of, I can enlarge things to.
Now she has never met me before so then next thing I said had Mike and the receptionist who has known me forever laughing.

“So what your saying is that if I look out of the top, things will be bigger”?
“Yes something like that”.
“So if I look at a woman that is a “B” cup through the top she would be a “D”
There was silence in front of me but I could hear the snickers in the back of me.
“UH yes, that might be possible”
“For $600 I should be able to see through clothes”
“From the stair the doctor sang out that those, cost $3000”
That’s why I like this doctor she has a sense of humor.
I told her I would think about the glasses, truth is I have a voucher I got in the mail that will probably save me 300 so I will probably get them.
The progressive ones that is, I’ll just have to keep on trying to talk a woman out of her clothes instead of seeing through them.
Besides, it’s more fun that way.

Mike and I went to the car (he was driving) to drop me off at my next appointment.
He kept asking me if I would be ok walking around down town after my appointment half blind.
I told him it wouldn’t be a problem.
How bad could it be?
On the way to my appointment I asked him how he liked the doctor.
He said she was fine but she talked loud and was practically shouting when she was on his right side.
Hmmm strange;
He dropped me of at the front door and took off to where he had to go and I was supposed to meet up with him an hour later.
I got into the building and found the elevator with no problem but seeing the numbers of the floors was another matter.
I stood there squinting at the panel and then I lucked out.
You see, this is what’s great about progress they have Braille under the numbers.
Now if I only knew how to read Braille.
Just then a guy stepped in and I asked if he would hit the third floor for me.

Getting out of the elevator I hugged the wall to the counter and told them I was there, then I went and sat down opposite an old woman with big boobs, well I thought it was an old woman.
When they called my name, I stood up and walked past her.
It turned out to be two skinny guys with caps on, good thing to because they had long noses and I thought they were…...
After taking care of what I went for I left and slowly walked the 10 blocks to where I was to meet up with Mike.
It must have taken me 20 minutes to get there and went straight to where he was supposed to be, I couldn’t see him anywhere I couldn’t see anyone for that matter.
Everyone walking by looked like a ghost unless I squinted and twisted my eyes in some painful, manner.
I walked into the nearby bookstore to kill some time.
I tried to look at some of the titles but they were to blurry still but it didn’t stop the guy from walking over and ask if he could help me with anything.
I asked him if he had anything with 3 inch type, he said no.
So I went back outside and found Mike waiting for me.
At the car we found a parking ticket on the windshield and Mike started freaking out.
While in the car he passed the ticket to me to read because he can’t see without his glasses.
What do you mean read, I can’t see shit and …..
What do you mean you can’t see without your glasses and why are you driving?
Great, the blind are driving the blind.
Mike drove towards home and I sat in the back seat with the right eye closed, squinting with the left at the ticket and using my glasses like a magnifying glass for about 5 minutes before I made out $90.
Mike almost drove into the car in front of us.
Mike had put money in the meter but the sign said you can’t park there between 3:30 and 6:30 pm.
Man was he pissed.
He dropped me off at home and took off.
That was 12 hours ago and at the moment I could see as bad as I used to before I went to the eye doctor so I guess that’s good.
I was told by the doctor it will probably take me a month to get used to the new ones when I get them, great gonna be blind again.

Have a nice day



Peter said...

Hi Walker.... no over here.. to the left a bit... Ah forget it, I'll come over to you.
Good to hear that your sight is as bad as it was... but not worse.

Monica said...

If you start raising money for a charity on here and it just happens to be 3000.00, you're busted. Just so you know.

patti_cake said...

OMG Walker you had me laughing so hard at this post. Nothing like the blind driving the blind! Have a wonderful day Hon!

Schotzy said...

Walker my friend you can make an adventure out of any mundane chore or errand. I can only imagine what and how a true quest would turn out. ((((HUGS))))S

Lora_3 said...


Be safe...

elvira black said...

Another Walker classic...I haven't had the drops but I do have the kind of glasses you're getting. It does take awhile to get used to--be careful on stairs.

BG and his brother both found a twenty on the street awhile back. Thing is, BG has eagle eyes, while his brother is almost blind. They joke that if his sight gets worse he can still walk with a cane with a spike at the end of it and he'll nab the twenties sight unseen. These two have a knack for spotting dollars on the street.

If they find some more, I'll send the money along to you to help you pay for the new specs. Wear them in good health.

Walker said...

Peter : Ha ha ha You're such a funny guy lol

Walker said...

Monica: Well when we meet and you notice me constantly staring at you just slap me quick LMAO

Walker said...

patti_cake : Well if i made you laugh with this post then you made me smile with this comment

Walker said...

Schotzy : Nothing is mundane if you dont want it to be.

Walker said...

Lora_3: Hi I will be safe and you to, ok

Walker said...

elvira black : LOL thanks.
I never find more than a dime and it usually costs me to find it LOL
Nice to see you back :)