blue moon (2)

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Holy Golden Calf ©

I have a post.
Really I do.
I’m just trying to find a way to write it.
I have explored many ways to begin and alleys to run down and I could make it any…way…I….fucken….WANT.
How cool is that?
It’s my blog and I’ll do what I want too….

Today’s topic it, religion, but I am not going to pick on religion per say.
I just may fuck with it a little.

How do I cum to this topic do you ask?
Well that’s simple you see I just found out that our priest just got a raise.
He actually asked for it indirectly.
It was something like this.
If you don’t give me more money I am leaving.
Subtle eh?
What happened to negotiation?
Well um let’s see ……. How about we throw in a couple of bottles of wine and another dozen loafs of bread you can feed the poor with?
Naw, he wanted money so they said yes.
So what, who gives a shit, how much can a priest make anyhow?

$200,000 a year




Our priest?



Fuck the mafia, these guys got them beat.
If fact they have the Mafia sucked in to.
Forgive me father for I have sinned.
Last week I shoot Salvador “Three Fingers” Ciccio for sitting in my favourite chair.
We now call him “One Ball Ciccio”.
I know father is was wrong but he has bad gas.

I have also been fucking the waitress at Luigi’s restaurant but only because Maria, my wife is to busy with the 5 kids and I don’t want to burden her with having sex with me with all the work she has now.

I understand my son.
Say 10 hail Marie’s and leave me a check in the box and you’ll be forgiven.

What the hell does he do for 200 grand?
I wanted to be an astronaut and with the help of some great pot I made it into space but if I knew about the $200,000 a year thing, I would have stopped at the stratosphere and praised heaven then become a priest.

What does he do, he wakes up in the morning says a one hour sermon to an empty house sometimes because who’s going to church at 7 am on a Tuesday except the drunk who finally woke up from the weekend and he is only there to use the washroom.

Now Sunday, he has a packed house of people there to get forgiven for their sins and to be blessed by god through the priest.
They pass trays around three times to make sure they get the money you held back the first times they came around.
Then they sell you a bottle of holy water for 5 bucks.
Next time I got to church I am putting a Mickey of vodka in my pocket so when he blesses the congregation I’ll walk out with some real Holy Water.

For $200,000 I can console you and more in fact a couple of priests ago, one was consoling the wives when the husband was at work.
Now where can you get door to bed door service but is that a fringe benefit or just a different type of blessing?
I would even wear the long black dress robe they wear for that kind of money, mind you it looks better on a nun, like the nun walking up and down my street.
She looks pretty good in that mini skirt habit with the fishnet stockings and she is a hard worker, she is always out there walking up and down the street asking for money for a good cause and men are always stopping and giving her rides to where she is going and bring her back, now how nice is that?
Another thing, do you think all nuns are virgins?
How do they know if they are or not just lying?
I can see the interview now?

Are you a virgin because we only want virgins here you know?
You know I am going to have to check so could you step behind that blind over there, pull up the skirt and lay on the couch.
No no, don’t worry I will forgive you later and you will be a virgin still.
Many are not I bet.
Somewhere in some convent resort there is an eighty year old nun watching porn on late night TV thinking, “I gave up sex for this”.

And fucking a virgin isn’t all it’s cut up to be either.
You’re on top looking down on a sobbing woman in obvious pain wishing you would hurry up and finish so the pain would stop and why the FUCK did she agree to this in the first place, she wouldn’t have if she knew it was going to fucken hurt.

But when it’s over she gets to take a shower and leave but the guy…….
Well he is stuck at home in a lot of trouble because NOW, there is this big red stain in the center of his parent’s bed and when he takes the sheet off the mattress it’s stained too so he flips it over only to find it’s soaked all the way through and they haven’t invented “SHOUT” yet.
The shouting comes later when you use the one and only excuse you have left under the circumstances.
“Well at least now you know I am not gay”.

I would rather be the guy after the guy the popped her cherry because that was the guy that hurt her I was the gentle one, the one that made it feel good and didn’t cause the mess the other guy did.
He must have done it wrong or something because it didn’t feel this good…..
But I must admit I have seen some hot nuns especially around Halloween.

$200,000 a year for a priest, tax free and then they went and hired another one to help him so he will have time to go out and spend his loot.
I guess we will be paying the backup priest some ridiculous amount as well.
If anything this tells us that priests are just people to, who want and need what we do as well.

Have a nice day.

Why can Greek Orthodox priests get married but Nuns can’t, food for thought.




patti_cake said...

I am with you on the overpaid thing. Our parish priest had a mercedes, a very nice free house and a hefty salary as well. I thought they were supposed to take a vow of poverty or something...

jules said...

Geeze Louise...I'd apply for the job but I like sex too much. Oh, and I'm a woman.

Miss Cellania said...

Thats an obscene amount of money. In my area it would be obscene for ANY job. The average full-time wage here is one-tenth of that.

hellbunny said...

I never realised they got paid that much.I was under the impression they lived in poverty.Ans as for the sex thing.Ive always thought it silly.Sex is a natural thing so why deny it

Dotm said...

My Mother was a very religious person who never missed a Sunday service unless she was real sick until a few years before she died. They got a new Minister and my Mother not onle put in money on Sundays, gave each of us kids money to put in, but she also gave a pledge every year. Then after paying her pledge money, she got a paper in the mail asking for more money. That changed her whole view of this new minister. They always live better than half the people who give the church money and if you ever noticed their wives and kids dress real well, better than most of the other families can afford to dress their kids. The poor5 get poorer and the rich get richer is how it looks.
As for Marriage, how can they push the Bible which speaks of marriage if they never tried it themself and therefore know nothing about what a Marriage requires to make it work. Thats how I feel.