blue moon (2)

Monday, July 17, 2006

Window Pain ©

It’s been very hot here in the last week.
I have never seen it this hot in years and the humidity is brutal.
Sitting at the computer, I have a big fan in the kitchen blowing at me from there and a smaller fan in front of me blowing at high speed trying to keep me cool and I am still sweating bullets.
I don’t have A/C because of my windows but I have been trying to fix that slowly.
While I was lying on the couch the other day with both cats on the floor next to me spread eagle feeling the breeze the fan was making flow between their legs.
(Now I don’t know if they got that habit from me or I got it from them because I was pretty much in the same position) the phone rang and it was a telemarketer.
My normal response would be “does it come with free sex” and a click on the other end would signal a no but this one was different because she said they sell……… you guessed it……….WINDOWS.
So I agreed to a visit and a free estimate.
Nothing is free.
I know the visit will be in the price as soon as I say yes to the windows.

I have 4 windows to replace and one that needs to be repaired.
One of the windows is a basement window and will replace that one and the one that need the balance hooked back up I will probably do because these people don’t repair they replace.
I phoned my mother and told her I had someone coming over to look at the windows and she wanted some of hers replaced too.
So it was a plan.
He could give us an estimate on 7 windows and maybe get a better deal on the price.

The next day at 6 pm the doorbell rings and there is a giant standing before me.
The guy looked like he should have been a wrestler.
I’m 6 ft tall and 255 pounds and I was small next to this guy and he had quite the paw on him too.
He carried in two large cases that gave me the impression he was moving in rather than trying to sell me windows.
Strike one.

After the introductions he sits down and opens up his case and pulls out a catalogue about 3 inches thing and passes it over to me.
The fucken thing must have weighed 10 pounds,
No wonder they need gorillas working for them if they got to carry around these things.
He tells me that these were pictures of some of the houses they installed their windows in the last couple of years.
Leafing through about 20 pages or so I stopped and closed the book. I knew what this was.
He asked me what I thought and I told him that they looked great on houses I can’t afford to by or probably ever will and asked if he had any catalogues that had regular houses with their windows installed.
He just thought for a minute and said no.
Strike two.

We went around the house measuring my windows.
The ones I want changed are not that big.
I have already done the big ones 6 years ago.
Two were 64x34 and the other was not as tall but a bit wider.
Then we went over to my mothers and measured her four and they were about the same size as mine as are, both houses are connected and the same people built both sides.
He sat down and went through his book to find numbers referring to the size of my windows, which were then put into a calculator to be multiplied buy a secret number in his head because he didn’t need to look THAT up.
He hits enter and looks at the total.
“Let me get you a sample window” he says and gets up and goes outside to get his sample.
Hmmmm, I want to know what’s on the calculator so I turn it towards me to have a look.
Hmmmm, I see why he went to get the sample.
I’m sure he must have a bottle in the car because he’s going to need a lot of courage to try and talk me into paying what’s on this calculator.
I told my father how much and I swear I saw his knees buckle a bit.
He comes back in and shows us a small sample window and he had I dissected one for us to look at how it was made.
To be honest, I was impressed with the window it was well made.
After his presentation he sit back at his papers and calculator and tells us THAT sentence.
“I’ll tell you what”
This is where the Vaseline comes in handy because your ass is in danger.
When you hear that sentence, alarm bells should be ringing with you going to the nearest exit as fast as you can.
But I live here so I’m fucked.
He tells me the windows will cost $10,200.
I asked him if the come with a house.
He laughed
I was serious
But since they were new in my area and wanted to give us a break because they wanted their work to be seen and get more customers.
Oh, that was a nice comeback and might have worked had it not been for the fact that all the windows that we want installed can’t be seen by anyone other than the pigeon using it for target practice.
They are between two houses in a sealed ally.
His new price after his generous discount was $6,500.
That’s almost $1000 a window.
Now I want you sitting there to do something for me.
Hold your hands 21/2 feet apart, that’s how wide the windows are, now hold your hands wide apart come on stretch, that’s probably how high they are.
I am not going to pay that out and I don’t care if they are security windows and hard to break into.
There would be nothing in the house to steal after getting robbed installing the windows.
Then he tells me about the 25year warrantee and it passes from one owner to the other.
That’s nice but after I sell the house I don’t really care if the window falls out of the side of the wall and crashes onto the neighbor’s car, it’s not my house any more.
So I ask him what else does he have with a 10year warrantee.
With a grin he said Saran Wrap.
We all laughed.
Strike three

I thanked him for the presentation and walked him to the door.
My father was staring at the paper and I’m sure the numbers were swirling in his head making him dizzy.
I told him to file it in the garbage can.
The call I answered was aimed at my parents it just happened I answered the phone.
Hmmm…………. Sorry I just had a thought I may post about it one day.
Since that visit, I have gone to Home Depot (didn’t see Sally anywhere) and looked at windows.
I can get this done for about 3000 and me doing the work with a friend to call 911 if something happens.

Have a nice day.

Saran Wrap Pffffft


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