blue moon (2)

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Sniff Sniff ©

Have you ever run into that person that smells like the crawled out of a shit pile?
Well before today I thought the skinkiest person I had ever met was a guy on the bus in 86.
It was July and was hot as blazes.
I hate taking the bus but I had to because I was in a rush and when I got on the bus this stench almost slapped the nose off of my face.
I immediately started breathing through my mouth to avoid gagging.
Looking around at the other passengers I could see the sour looks on their face and one woman’s eyes had welled up with tears.
The bus I was on we call an accordion bus because it bends in the middle when gong around the corners because they are so long.
Up one side and down the other I looked but couldn’t see the cause of the paint peeling smell.
The guy across from me noticed I was looking around and he said “the guy at the back”
I turned and look back.
Way, way back sitting at the very back of the bus was a homeless person.
He was wearing white pants and a t-shirt but was the most noticeable part was the fact that he had shit and pissed himself.
Why did the bus driver even let him on I have no idea and leaving him on to boot?
By the time the bus went five blocks I thought I was going to pass out from the smell and the heat.
Why someone hadn’t died already was amazing.
We got to the mall, which was half way to my destination and the other passengers were fighting each other at the door to get off the bus.
Almost everyone got off but me and three or four other passengers and you know whom?
Well I couldn’t take it any more.
The windows on these buses don’t open because they have A/C.
I pulled the cord then walked to the back of the bus.
With every step that I took taking me closer to him the smell got worse.
It was like pushing my way through thick sewage with the muggy heat and the stench.
When I got back there I told him his was the next stop.
He said he wasn’t home.
You know, life’s a bitch I dragged him kicking and screaming to the front and tossed him out the door and asked the driver if he had a problem with it.
He said no so I went back and sat down.
I should have tossed the driver out the door for letting him on the bus to begin with.
I had never EVER come that close to throwing up my insides before, until the other day at Archie’s place.

I had gone for my walk and as usual I make sure I go by to see Archie since it’s on the way home.
Coming around the corner I noticed the faint scent of cat spray.
You know how it smells when cats are marking off their territory.
The closer I got to Archie’s place the stronger it got.
When I was almost there I could see someone sitting on the porch but no one else was in sight.
I walk up the stairs and say hi to the guy sitting on the chair and just inside the door were the guys in the kitchen.
I walk in and greeted everyone.
I ask Archie if he could smell the cat spray because it was stronger here at his place.
He looked at me and said it was the guy sitting outside the door and that’s why he was there.
I looked at him and he looked clean but that smell.
I asked if he got sprayed by a skunk?
Archie said he always smelled that way.
When he came in to get a beer was when I really noticed it coming off of him.
He took a beer and went back outside.
I asked Archie if the guy worked at the Human Society cleaning out the litter boxes or something because Whoooa he smelled like one.
He said no that he smelled because he had 20 cats at home and that he let them do what they wanted.
It seems the cats spray his clothes and he just wears them.
He doesn’t give a fuck what he smells like.
To him it was like perfume.
Gezz, Pepe Le Pew would have fainted walking by him.
Then Archie told me he worked at the bakery as the baker.
OMG I buy bread there.
How can people work with this guy.
Tears were welling up in my eyes.
I don’t understand how people could stand being with themselves when they stink like that and don’t they have any respect for the people around them.
I have read stories where in the 14th and 15th century France that the nobility only took baths twice a year but instead used to put white powder on themselves to look clean and perfume to mask the stench.
Talk about a crusty bunch of people.
I don’t want to even imagine what sex was like back then but I bet with every thrust a plume of white powder went up like a white cloud and piss, sweat, perfume and sex must have filled the air.
Personally I have to shower if I smell or not but some people don’t care it seems.
I saw someone who reeked of stale sweat take a shower and then PUT ON THE SAME FUCKEN SMELLY CLOTHES.
Why shower if you are going to do that?
When I commented that he smelled he said he showered.
I told him to shower dressed next time.
Then I watched a program that said how some people get turned on by someone else body odor.
I can see it  now, guys running around smelling women’s arm pits, trying to find the future Mrs  B.O.
Umm buddy, you’re sniffing the wrong end.

I don’t see why people can’t smell themselves and see how fowl they smell, you would think the fleeing people and dieing flowers as they pass by would be an indication that there is a problem.
Just think what some of these people are touching.
I got to find a new bakery

Have you ever run into Stinky?


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