blue moon (2)

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Will The real Santa Please Stand Up ©

Beware, semi drunk blogging.

I am sitting here thinking what life would be like for Santa Clause (Saint Nicholas, Saint Nick, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle) if he really existed and in this period of time.
Just think about it?

When Santa first appeared the world was a different place.
In some cultures he was around before Christ himself which might make you start scratching your head a bit.
It’s true.
Father Christmas (Which is how he was known in the U.K., Ireland, Australia and New Zealand) had roots in Paganism.
If we go back to Norse time it was a custom that an elder man dressed in furs would go around each house and was given gifts. It was thought that he represented winter and to be kind to him was to bring hope of a nice winter. (Sounds more of a tax collector to me)
This is the Father Christmas that the U.K., Ireland, Australia and New Zealand first knew.
As time went on he started loosing his appeal.
Let’s face it, how exciting could it be to give some old guy presents for free and he gets to go to all the houses he can and probably be wealthier than anyone else.
Interest in him didn’t start building up again until the 1700’s.

In many European countries (Germany, Russia, Netherlands) he is based on folklore and referred to as Saint Nicholas.
He lived in Turkey and was a notorious secret gift giver.
He is considered the patron saint of seamen, merchants, archers, children, prostitutes, pharmacists, lawyers and prisoners. (May explain the secret gift giving a little bit)

Now, to avoid going down the whole freaking list and creating a post so big that even “I” wouldn’t read it, let’s just save the rest and put all these mythical and true figures in a blender and mix them up. Thus giving us our present day Santa and probably the reason why he wears a red suit. (Think blender)

So basically he was a giving figure in times of need and hope.
It gave people reason to be generous and happy.
Gifts were given to people and gifts were received thus causing lots of happiness.
Then times changed.
People were making more money to spend and it started becoming commercial.
This was created in the North America market and was brought to Europe and it caught on in a flash.
Why wouldn’t it?
It was a great way to make money and people were keen on making money and it wasn’t long before the whole globe was in on the act.
In fact it has reached the point today where it’s not about religion anymore but about spending money and giving what you spent your money on to someone (Thus making money for the large corporations)

It has actually gone back to it origins.
We have even stopped calling it the Christmas Holidays and are saying stuff like The Holiday Season and Seasons Greetings instead of Merry Christmas.
You can’t get a Jewish person or a Muslim person to buy gifts on a Religious holiday it does not believe in.
So they have been slowly making it non denominational for the money.
BUT, that’s another post in itself.
What I want to talk about is what it would be like if Santa showed up today in some of the cities we live in.

Imagine if he landed in a section of L.A. that is predominantly black.
He parks his sled on the street and walks over to a corner occupied by 3 lovely black women talking about the party they went to the night before.
Santa: HO HO HO
Woman at the corner: Who you calling a HO, you fat piece of shit?
Pulls out a gun and shoot him dead.
There goes Santa.

Imagine if Santa lands in down town Montreal and parks in the handicap spot and runs to the metro to go to the washroom. Then when he comes back there is a BOOT attached to Blitzen’s hoof with a number on it to pay the ticket, before it can be removed.

Santa takes off from the North Pole and NORAD goes on high alert and sends up fighter planes to knock down the possible Russian spy plane.

Santa gets caught by the Prime Minister of Canada in the PM’s house and is begged to help him win the up coming election.

If Santa lands in Jamaica, forget about Ho Ho Ho , it will become “EH Man” real soon.

Tell me, what would Santa think or see when he lands in your city?

Walker

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