blue moon (2)

Friday, June 03, 2005

Yesterday ©

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed to come my way.
DoDo Doo Do Do Do Dooo Do Do…………….
This again is not the post I had for today. Today I will tell you about my day yesterday. I went out to do some shopping. I don’t have a car so I walk where I want to go. I don’t need a car, I live down town and everything is within walking distance.
If not for my early years of being apprehensive and cautious I wouldn’t be here today typing this. I would either be in the hospital or sporting a permanent hard on, as soon as Rigger Mortis set in.
Where ever I go or what ever I do, I’m always aware of my surroundings and the people in the immediate area. It’s from watching out for cops or someone trying to kill me, when I ran with the pack.
Yesterday morning I got up and got ready to go out. I had bought something for one of Sara’s friends the day before and they forgot to put part of it in the bag. So I had to go and get it this morning.
It was 8 blocks away and I got to the last lights before the store in 10 minutes. The light turned green and after making sure that all the cars had stopped I started to cross. Half way through the street my leg stopped in mid air, suspended in time and space.
At that moment a car driving up the street failed to see the red light and all the cars stopped and drove right into the back of a SUV, propelling it through the intersection and into the on coming traffic.
How close was I when the SUV went by me?
If my foot had completed the step, the SUV would have driven over my foot. Had the car hit the SUV 1 second later, I would have been plowed over.
The SUV driver and the little shitty car driver, (which is now a subcompact BTW) got out and ran to me as I was still in the street, with one foot in the air.
They were asking me is I was ok.
I was standing there in the middle of the street right then, wanting a joint and a bottle of bourbon.
I said "yes" and started walking away. The driver of the SUV said that I should wait for the police. I looked at the cars and the other witnesses and I said “why” and left.
It was odd, I didn’t even flinch when it happened, and my heart didn’t race off in excitement, no adrenaline rush, nothing at all. It was like, it was a normal occurrence, like this happens to me all the time, which it doesn’t.
Any how I went to the store and picked up what they forgot the previous day and headed off to the grocery store.
They have revamped the place I do my shopping. I have been going there for as long as I could remember. My mother used to take me there as a kid, shopping with her. The store is now 4 times larger than before.
As I was walking around gathering the items that I wanted, I noticed all the produce staff working, were wearing surgical gloves.
I thought how cool is that? They don’t want to get germs on the veggies and fruits from their hands.
Who thought of that?
Give him a raise.
Then I see the guy drop an apple on the floor.
He knelt down, put his left surgically clad gloved hand on the floor. The same floor that everyone steps on, including the people that step in dog shit.
Reaches under a counter and fishes out the apple and then places it on the pile with the other apples. Fire him NOW.
Scratch apples from my shopping list.
Why the fuck bother wearing the gloves, are they to keep his hands clean and poison us?
I got the rest of my items and headed off home.

Have you ever had any close calls with accidental death and what was your state of mind at the time it was happening?

Do you wash your veggies and fruits before you eat them? You better, unless you want to get intimate with Fido.

Here is my Friday Laugh for you.

Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play.
It was to be a Shakespearean play.
The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden.... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope."
The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark!, a pistol shot."
Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups.
The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up.
The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified.
They stood there frozen.
So the teacher whispered for them to begin.
The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words..... "My fair maiden.... I have come to kiss your snatch! And fill your hole with soap."
The second boy screams out....."Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit, bull shit.... I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway...
The audience left howling

Have a nice weekend smile


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