blue moon (2)

Friday, April 29, 2005

Make Over ©

Ever have one of those days, when you wake up in the morning and look into the mirror and your reflection runs away?
One day I woke up, took one look in the mirror and this is what I saw.
A 36 year old man, six feet tall, with long curly hair down to my ass;
Being it was the end of winter it meant I had had a long beard down to my chest. I weighed about 300 pounds and most of it was in my chest and arms, but still sported a beer belly. Most people just viewed me as a wall, which made my life as a bouncer easy considering most drunks see things bigger than they are so I must have looked like a giant. Look its Grizzly Adams at the door.
I looked in the mirror that day and said to myself that I was ready to join ZZ Top.
I was tired of looking at the person in the mirror so I decided to do something about it. I showered and shaved. Yup took out the hedge clippers and cut off the beard and the mustache. Then I hopped into the car and went to the barbers for a hair cut.
I sit down and Frank the stylist, a fancy word for a barber that combs your hair, asks me what I want?
I ask him for an elastic band and I tie my hair together close to the scalp and I say, cut from the elastic up. The room went silent.
Are you sure he asks, I said yup cut it all off.
NOOOOOOOOO screamed the girls working there.
Yup, I said.
They took off bawling. Life’s a bitch, I had hair most women dream of apparently, but it was hell washing it.
Cut it off now Frank before I change my mind I said.
I can’t he said.
Oh gezzz I thought, give me the scissors and I cut my hair just above the elastic. There I told him now finish the rest. When he was done I looked into the mirror at the person I hadn’t seen in the better part of 7 years. I paid Frank and took off up the street the car and home.
I open the door and my dog runs to me and stops dead in his tracks and starts growling and snarling and fuck if he didn’t bite me.
The little bastard has been with me for 14 years and he didn’t recognize me. After some quietly spoken words, LET GO OF MY FUCKEN LEG SAMMY!!! He realized it was me and ran off to hide.
Next I went next door to my mothers to show her the new look. She hasn’t seen me with short hair in almost 20 years.
I open the door and walk in.
My mother was in the kitchen; she looked down the hall and says. Hello? Who you? (Mother’s English is broken). I said nothing; I just kept walking towards her. Next thing she says is. Get Out and there are utensils and cups flying at me. Shit, I start yelling back at her that it was me. She stops and takes a good look and was shocked. Then she starts laughing. She called everyone to come over and see me.
I went home after a couple of hours and the girl friend showed up after work and was also shocked to see me clean faced and my hair 36 inches shorter.
I still look that way to this day minus 40 pounds and the hair is a little longer, Sara likes grabbing me by the hair as she’s riding my face.
It’s a cow girl thing she says.

Have you ever drastically changed your appearance?




Walker

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