blue moon (2)

Sunday, April 17, 2005

100 Things Not True About Me ©

1. I am a woman.
2. I am not 6 feet tall.
3. I have 4 brothers.
4. I have 6 sisters.
5. I have a car.
6. I don’t like kids.
7. I ‘m not in Love with Sara.
8. I don’t love my mother.
9. I hate my father.
10. I respect my brother.
11. I love Brussels sprouts.
12. My daughters are pests
13. My sister in law has real boobs.
14. I love rats.
15. I don’t like the taste beer.
16. Cats don’t like me.
17. I love snakes.
18. Spiders are cool.
19. Spiders are not cool in someone else’s house.
20. I like small tits.
21. I think all women should be silent and passive.
22. I don’t like sex.
23. I think it should snow everyday.
24. I am a skinny wimp.
25. I am married.
26. I am not 46 years old.
27. I want to jump out of a plane.
28. I want to go to war.
29. I want to wear pink every day.
30. I want to eat bugs.
31. I think Carrot Top would make a good president, oh god that might be true.
32. I was born on New Years Eve.
33. I won the lottery.
34. I have 200 pairs of shoes.
35. I live as far from my parents as possible.
36. I love to floss my teeth.
38. Sara is not helping me.
39. My house is empty.
40. I live with 100 people.
41. I am gay.
42. I am lousy at backgammon.
43. I am a virgin.
44. I have 1 computer.
45. I will never get married.
46. I am an astronaut.
47. I think Prince Charles should be King.
48. I think Camilla is hot……………………………. Running to puke.
49. I know nothing about computers.
50. I love to clean.
51. I do not like to cook.
52. I hate smoked salmon and cream cheese on a toasted bagel BRB.
53. I have never had phone sex.
54. Dirty sheets are the best.
55. I don’t wear underwear.
56. I wear underwear.
57. I live in Greece.
58. I don’t wear a size 14 shoe.
59. I am uneducated.
60. I have never died.
61. I sleep 12 hours a day.
62. I never had a dog.
63. I will never eat another donut.
64. I never ate alligator meat.
65. An alligator never bit me.
66. I have no tattoos.
67. I wear women’s underwear.
68. I bought a $600 dollar sex doll.
69. I don’t wear black running shoes.
70. I wear a thong to the beach.
71. I don’t like people.
72. I am not a bouncer.
73. I never listen to music.
74. I don’t know how to read.
75. I love to type.
76. I don’t like to blog.
77. I never owned an animal.
78. I’m a geek.
79. I never raced a car.
80. I never got a speeding ticket ………..Ha Ha Ha.
81. I have never owned 14 cars.
82. I never road a motorcycle.
83. All my socks have holes.
84. I never have cyber sex.
85. I always go to bed before 6 am.
86. I listen to Yoko Ono’s records daily.
87. I have never broken a keyboard.
88. I have never been arrested.
89. I have never smoked pot.
90. I have never broken a bed during sex. It was Sara.
91. I am terrible with plants.
92. I have never traveled.
93. I wear suits everyday.
94. I never get on the scales.
95. I am terrible at fixing things.
96. I never fell off a cliff.
97. I am a farmer.
98. I am a butcher.
99. I am a candlestick maker.

After going nuts trying to find stuff for this list, and finally getting the 100 things together, wouldn’t you know it I came up with 50 more?
Don’t wait for that list.


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