blue moon (2)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Buckle Up ©

You know when you walk into a room and it goes silent they were either talking about you or your zipper is down and seeing as I was wearing joggies I don’t think it was my zipper.
In fact I know they were talking about me because I was listening to it before I walked into my parent’s kitchen through the back door.

My mother was reciting something that happened a month ago when we had gone grocery shopping together.
Something always happens when we go out together.
I don’t know what it is.
Maybe it always happens but I never notice it because I am going to fast and only see it when I slow down to shop with my mother.
I don’t know?
Maybe

My mother is standing in the middle of the kitchen, her 85 year old brother by the table and my father in his recliner and she is telling them the story.
“We were standing in line at the cashier, he shoved me ahead to be out of his way”
“He’s always shoving me aside”.
“So he’s standing in line behind this woman who just finished paying for her things when Walker takes something out of the shopping cart to put on the moving carpet”.
“As he put it down his belt buckle popped off of his fat belly and whacks the lady in front of him in the ass as she was bending over to pick up her bags”.

I can hear all three of them laughing a diaper full.

NOOOOOO no that’s not all, his pants fell down and the lady who was standing behind him grabbed them and was holding them up from behind”.

I could hear my father choking on his dentures.

“Then the cashier looked at him and asked if he needed any bags, they were five cents each”.

I wish I were wearing my joggies that day.
Weirdest thing, the back of the buckle snapped and the heavy brass buckle flew off smacking the woman in front of me.
The only thing keeping them from completely falling to the floor was the lady behind me holding them up from the back and the cashier’s cleavage holding them up from the front.
I am going to need a new belt buckle before I go Christmas shopping.

Have a nice day

Walker

9 comments:

itisi said...

LMAO!!!


Only you, Walker..
only you!!!

I know you will probably smack me in the head for this, but
maybe you should wear

suspenders!

Boxer said...

classic Walker. :-) Itisi is right... suspenders!

your parents did their own reality show, btw.

Skye said...

Yeah, you may be right. He is getting to that age afterall.

Bet ya a store employee uploaded the security video tape of that incident onto youtube. I gotta go check :)

btw...hiya buddy

Walker said...

itisi: I don;t need suspenders i need a better belt buckle.
Oh and i do have suspenders if i need them when i am wearing my suit but i just don't for everyday use.
They would be more a a nuisance to me that anything.

Walker said...

Boxer: Yes i know, its the Walker family variety show between news broadcasts.

Walker said...

Skye: Great, i never thought of that.
Fuck now i got to go check youtube.
Oh and what age is that where you have to wear suspenders?
Um do you wear garter belts and stockings now that you are a little older and if yes where are the pictures eh eh .LOL

PBS said...

lol, bet that livened up a boring grocery trip for all the shoppers!

Walker said...

PBS: It would have been funnier if it happened to someone else but i am game for a little fun at my expense

Peter said...

I have long held the opinion that your family was an untapped source of income for the nation Walker.
Maybe even the solution to the problems of your last post??