blue moon (2)

Friday, August 05, 2011

What Century Am I In? ©

You know, life always has its surprises
At times I think I have seen it all then something blows me away and I wonder what’s next.
Over the years I have come across people in compromising positions, most of which didn’t surprised me but some stopped me dead in my tracks.

I have walked in on high ranking politicians doing their assistants, one on the carpeted floor and another has his bent over across his office desk.

I know a former nun who became a hooker and a hooker who became a nun.
Gives real meaning to the term “Holy Fuck”.
Two nuns who feel in love and left the convent at the age of 70 to get married.
What would they call a gay nun, “a Gnu” or a “Lesbinun”?

I have known cops who bought drugs to trade for sex.
There are more.
I traveled in circles that put me in the middle of a lot of this kind of crap.
So for the most part, thanks to my past, nothing really surprises me, much.
Much anymore but sometimes…..eeeyeahhhh, sometimes I get caught flat-footed for a split second but being a man of action and highly fond of his non existent butt that I want to keep safe, I tend to recover pretty fast.
Well fast enough to get the hell out of Dodge if I have too at the blink of an eye before a Buick runs over me.

Friday was a pretty hectic day what with my mother and D2 wanted to go shopping early in the morning the day before a long weekend and I have my own things going on.
I am one of those people who plans everything so that I can maximize my day for the usually twelve hour shopping spree I take at the end of each month.
Twelve hours of high speed shopping with an eighty some odd year old grandmother tit hooked to the handle bar of the shopping cart while surfing the aisles like a blind heroin addict while the semi adult peels off in the other direction battling her childish urges against her new found desire to eat healthier.

I just make sure my feet aren’t in the way and go around apologizing to all the people my mother runs over with the cart.
After four hours of this I get them home and prepare to take off to do my errands when I find an email from one of the people I had to see postponing our business for a few hours.
I hate when people change the schedule but shit does happen so I look at my afternoon and decide to move a couple of things up.
I had a stop not far from home so I called buddy up and said I would be there two hours sooner.

Well, he wasn’t happy to hear that.
Normally he would give me a headache so that things could be done faster but today he was finding every fucken excuse for me not to go there.
In fact he wanted to see me at 4pm.
That wasn’t possible because I had the other idiot to see that changed things all around causing all this shit.

I told him it wasn’t possible and that I was busy all the next day.
I told him I would get back to him and hung up.
Usually I have everything set up to go smoothly but that day everything seemed to be falling apart.

Stuck in limbo I decided to do some shopping close by to get that put of the way and after it was done it was only 2:30pm.
I still had an hour and a half to kill so I said fuck it and drove off to buddy’s without calling him.
If I called he would have only given me the run around anyway and what was that important that I couldn’t go by.

You know, you have walked through the fires of hell in life.
You take no shit from anyone, except maybe MOM.
Just go over there and take care of business then get the fuck to the next stop to you can get back home for dinner with D2.
Yup, I talked myself into it so off I went.

I should have called first.
Really, I should have.

Over the years I have walked in a room and surprised people and myself on occasion.
One day I walked into a room and found one of my business partners getting a blowjob from one of my aunts for a couple of lines of coke.
That was awkward.
It was my coke.

Another time I was so drunk I decided to sleep in the back seat of my car outside a friend’s place until I sobered up.
In the middle of the night was woken up by two large breasted black chicks making their way into buddy’s place.
Buddy was a biker and their club had this rule about not fucking colored chicks.
If you were caught it meant a sever beating before you were tossed from the club.

Still drunk I passed out again until morning when the same two chicks woke me up as they were leaving buddy’s place.
That’s when I spilled out of the car in front of him and the girls.
You should have seen his face..
Sheets can’t get that white.

He rudely shoved them down the street and said they stopped by a few minutes earlier to pick up some dope.
Yeah, a few minutes ago.
Me, I didn’t say shit, I never do.
It’s none of my business.
Personally it’s just all that, B.S.and the only way you get it off of you is not to stick your finger in it.
But sometime the finger has to stick out and push the buzzer.

“It’s Walker, let me in”.
“What, FUCK”?!!!!


Hmm, he didn’t sound to excited.
I walk through the hallway and give the camera on the ceiling the finger as I know he is watching me through it.
Stepping into the elevator o head up to the eighth floor then halfway down the hallway to his apartment where I found the door slightly ajar.

Pushing the door open I step in and see buddy in the living room wearing a robe open wide and a pair of bikini briefs.
I take one step into the room and from my left come, “Hi Walker”.
I look over to the kitchen and I swear it was buddy in his open robe and bikini briefs but looking towards the living room I saw him sitting there in his chair but he was in the kitchen too.
My brain was quickly spinning and in no time determined that buddy was in the living room and there was another guy who looked like him wearing the exact same robe and underwear making eggs in the kitchen.
Yeah, I should have called first.

I didn’t want to know nothing, I mean nothing.
I have known this guy for a LONG time and it’s none of my business.
All I am going to saw is I wish I knew this last year so I could have talked him out of that vasectomy.
He wasn’t going to be knocking anyone up but the turd that comes between him and the pleasure he’s seeking at the end of his dick.

Great, one more thing to lock up in the vault, like there isn’t enough in there already.
Hmmm, times sure are changing.
Better watch my ass HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a nice weekend



BlazngScarlet said...

Well, you ARE Greek! :D

I personally think the matching briefs and robe are ADORABLE! lol

shaz said...

Well a dose of Walker was exactly what I needed today, its been a long time old friend and I have missed reading about your days even at my lowest points you make me smile (a lot) I am trying to find time to come back to blogging im missing it and stories like yours. Its nice to see that somethings stay just the way it always was and thats comforting to me right now.Lots a hugs....Shaz xxxx

Peter said...

Jesus Walker do you sneak up on people??? you sure catch a lot of them in compromising circumstances!!!!

Walker said...

BlazngScarlet : I am not Greek I am a Spartan and i don;t care what they did 5000 years ago, I don;t need to see that sort of shit first hand lol

Walker said...

shaz: Surprize surprize and a pleasant one at that.
You have been missed and always welcome.
Not that i have been a regular blogger lately but i try :)

Walker said...

Peter: So what are you saying, should I wear a cow bell?

Susan said...

He didnt have to let you in! He must have wanted to give you a shock! Maybe hoped you would join in the fun!!!!!

Boxer said...

hey, how did I miss this post?

are you going to post about the BBQ?

Walker said...

Susan: Umm joining?
I don;t think so.
Shock me, i think he was more shocked than i was for showing up

Walker said...

Boxer: Well you have been a busy lady its easy to miss this.
I am still recovering from the bbq but i will post about it later :)

Siren said...

Ok i need to either learn to be sneaker or get a more exciting life. Enjoyed the post!

Walker said...

Siren: I am happy you enjoyed the post.
I don't really try to be sneaky but i have been told i am light on my feet.

Shana said...

Interesting to say the least!!