blue moon (2)

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Beached Whales ©

D2 is back in school; Inia is home or will be by the time I post this, which means life will go back to crazy from insane.
The girls and I spent a lot of time together, especially D2 and I.
She fancies herself an “Emo” who dresses like a “Gothic” Sailor moon.
If you want me to explain all that to you then you’re shit out of luck because I don’t know how to understand it myself.
She thinks I’m a whacked out gangster but it doesn’t detour her from pulling pranks on me like hiding all the toilet paper from the washroom before going to school.

The other day a male friend of hers asked her if she would like to join him and his family at their cottage for the weekend.
She says to him, “You met my father, what do you think”?
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Gezz, knock out one kid and people assume you’re a hardliner.

Now she is back in school and she is happy and it’s a lot quieter here now.
Maybe a little to quiet.

The fucken weather, what’s up with that?
It finally gets better when life gets back to abnormal.
Where was the sun last month when I was at the beach?
Have you been to the beach lately?
First of all, don’t go on the weekend, hell no.
IF you find parking, you will probably drown in the ocean of people before you even got to the water.

There are so many people there, you start off from the car with four kids and your old lady but by the time you get to the sand you have seven kids, none of which were with you at the start and woman next to you is not your old lady but a large Jamaican woman with big tits and a funny look in her eyes.

By the time you round up the scattered kids from their new families and pry the old lady from some beach bum you’re lucky to find a spot to spit on let alone lay out a blanket to sit but with some luck and a little shoving, it’s possible.

Once you’re settled is when all the horrors start.
To the right there are a bunch of teenagers trying to look tough and cool.
To the left was a Muslim family wrestling with a flock seagulls for their baby as the birds were trying to eat their meal.

Inia and the kids took off for the water while I lay back a bit and surveyed the beach.
I used to come here as a kid, forty some odd years ago.
I remember almost drowning a couple of times.
Back then things were different.
Women wore one-piece swimsuits, now they can go topless.
I don’t know if I am better off now or back then, not that you’re going to see any topless women at our beaches even though they can if they so choose but most women prefer not to.
The ones that do are usually the butt ugly ones.
The second they take their tops off, slabs of fat flap around scaring kids and blinding their parents and that’s the guys don’t get me started the woman.
One took her top off while standing knee deep in the water and we all heard the two splashes while sitting on the beach
Then her sumo size husband takes his pants off to display his thong before running to snorkel for his old ladies tits deep down in Davy Jones Locker.
He should have just worn a strap on instead and really made his wife happy.

The punks next to me were horsing around and smoking a joint while smack each other with the BMX bikes.
When I was their age I was parked here in my Mustang among the other vintage cars my friends had bought or restored.
Besides it was easier picking up chicks when you can give them a ride.
Do they make sidecars for BMX bikes?
Maybe a tiny trailer hitch for the skateboard to pull a little red wagon.

I sat there watching D2 rub baby oil all over her body, about half a bottle of it then she got up and walked to the water.
She had so much oil on her the water just parted as she stepped in.
She slowly walked up to Inia’s oldest son and shoved him into the water head first and waited.
When he got up he grabbed her arm and it squirted out from his fingers.
He shoved him back in and swam off.
For the next fifteen minutes we watched her torment him.
It’s ok, he got even of dry land but in the water, she was slick as a eel.

After a bit I got up and took me shirt off then made my way towards the beach while hearing the punks behind me whispering about my back as I walked down to the water’s edge.
On the way D1 joined me and she chased a wave out then it chased her all the way back, past the sand up the grass and to her towel.
I think she’s scared of water.

I walked out to the waters edge where the water crawled up the sand over shells and pebbles and around infants in puffed up diapers that dotted the beach.
Easiest way to slow them down with forty pounds of water wrapped around their butts.

Going out until the water reached my waist I slowly pushed out.
When at the beach that’s full of people you NEVER dive in because you might find your head up some thong wearing hairy sumo ass Italian then have to wait for the tide to go out to get your fucken head back.

Spreading my arms then pulling myself under as deep as I could go.
Rolling to my back I slowly floated back up to the surface where I lay with my ears under the water listening to the distorted sounds of motorboats going by and the 500 people pissing in the water just up river of me.
Sounds like a tornado coming at you.

Yeah, if the weather had been this nice last month I would have gone to the beach more often for some sunshine and reality.
There are few places where everyone from every walk of life, belief, appearance or mode of transportation, can go to enjoy the same thing, at the same time, for the same reason.

Oh and I found out I really love beach volleyball.
Watching that is “Wink”

Have a nice day



Leah said...

You should see the beach at Coney Island on a midsummer day. I often think it's the last bastion of democracy in NYC.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Thanks've really put me off the beach for good...especially the bit about the people pissing upstream of you...eeewww!

I hope life gets back to normal (whatever that is in your world) soon.

Have fun...

Peter said...

Your topless beaches sound a little scary Walker, I think ours are better.

Just telling it like it is said...

Don't ya know kids are like gremilns they just keep multiplying...don't ad water that's your problem...Miss you

Walker said...

Leah: When we are left alone we are blind to prejudice and where better than a place where families gather to be family.

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: But it's true and you always knew it lol

Normal is crazy around here.

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: If you don't add water they smell worse than the cat.
Aw I missed you to but I'm back now and i will be by to oogle your boobs ;)

Walker said...

Peter: I am sure they are and when i was there, there were a few I wanted to see topless LOL

BlazngScarlet said...

Crazy is the new normal you know.
Why do I get the feeling that you had more than enough boobage to keep you occupied?!

Glad you're back, and in one piece too!
Miss you .....

BikerCandy said...

Thanks made me laugh out loud at the tits hitting the water part. I just love to read your perspective on ordinarily mundane things such as going to the beach. Only you can make something so ordinary, very extraordinary!

Monogram Queen said...

Hi Walker! Just stopping by to check up on you. I leave for a few months and you get a new GF and go to the beach (well i'm assuming about the GF as I haven't backread yet). Hope I didn't put my foot in my mouth!
LMAO at the topless women - you are right, the ones who SHOULDN'T DO!!!!

Just telling it like it is said...

Thank goodness they need some attention

Boxer said...

glad you're back too! You've been missed.

Walker said...

BlazngScarlet: I always get more boos than the average boobs lover.
For some reason large round objects naturally gravitate to my hands

Walker said...

BikerCandy: But its true we just never really talk about it.
I know i would look pretty fucken stupid in a speedo or a thong so why wear something that will make me look like a beached whale caught in a fisherman's net

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: Yes I found someone who is as bad as me LOL

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is : I am going down my blogroll one at a time and when i get to yours i intend to give them their well deserved attention

Walker said...

Boxer:L I am happy to be back but i have alot to catch up on.
At least the kids back to school and i have a little more time to do things like catch up on cleaning and blogs