Mine, you don’t really want to know about mine?
My life is just, fucken weird lately.
First, I took my mother shopping and while we were out there I wanted to look into this new furniture clearance center I heard about from one of my cousins.
All the area stores get together in this one place and sell all they’re damaged and showroom stock at some really good prices, so they say.
Remember I had never been there yet.
I have been looking for some end tables for my living room and the cheapest I found up to date were over 100 each.
Following t he directions that were given me I accidentally found the place in the opposite direction of where I was told to go.
Some people need to learn the difference between east and west.
My mother went in with me and I had to drag her out an hour later.
She wanted to buy everything and bring it home; the prices were insanely cheap.
I walked around looking at everything from bed to stainless steal fridges.
You think of it and it was there.
I don’t know how many times I had to tell my mother, “Yes that’s the price”.
She found this couch she became attactched to and was rolling around on it while I looked around.
Well, I though she was rolling around on it.
Later I found out she was stuck in it because it was to soft and bulky but while my mother waded in the couch I did find three tables I liked and I think I robbed them.
I got these two for $28 each from $179 each.
They were on sale because the front had some stain worn off.
This one I got for $10 from $210 because in of the legs had been scared.
With the tax it all cost me $74.
That’s one dollar cheaper than it would have cost me for each of the crappy tables I was planning to buy.
Makes me wonder, if the could sell them that cheap with a minor scuffmark how much profit do they really make on this stuff?
After buying the tables I ran into a small problem.
This was a cash and carry store and wasn’t sure if they would fit in the car.
I was told to drive around back and someone who help me load the car so I took my mother by the arm and pulled her out of the couch and headed for the car.
We drove around back to the loading area and met the guy waiting for me with the door already open with the tables at the edge of the loading dock.
I picked up the first one and it wouldn’t fit through the door unless I put the passenger seat down flat and slide it in that way but to get the second one in I had to push the drivers seat forward and put the passenger seat down then lift it up when it was in to move the seat again.
The third table was not going to fit in the car and would have to go in the truck.
I got a Styrofoam blanked from the guy to wrap around the table and carefully put it in the trunk and used some bungee cords to secure the truck lid down as closed as I could.
With the trunk secured I jumped in and started the car and looked over my shoulder to pull out.
This is when I saw my mother standing outside still.
I looked at the empty seat to make sure that was really her standing out there and put the car back in park and got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side to fix the seat.
“You forgot me didn’t you”?
No, I was just pulling the car back to make it easier for you to get in.
“You forgot me”
No I didn’t
“I’m telling your father”.
Stool pigeon.
“What”?
Nothing
The drive home was uneventful as I drove as slow as the speed limit would let me so I wouldn’t hit a pothole and have the table in the truck pop out.
When we got home I had a hell of a time getting them out of the car because they had shifted during the drive home and now I was stuck in the cramped confines of the back seat trying to wiggle them out of the car.
After about twenty minutes of tugging back and forth I got the first one out and the second one was easy after that.
My father walked out the back door and started telling me how I was treating his car like a truck when he saw the tables until I unwrapped one t hat is and found out how much I paid for them.
My parents can’t resist a bargain.
I could be in the worse trouble I could get into and with a mention of a sale they forget it all.
After getting the tables in the house I brought them to where they will remain permanently and fix them later when I get what I need.
After getting them place I went to put away my groceries before I finally got the chance to crash down on the couch for a rest.
As I lay there watching TV the phone rang and it was one of the people who find weird antiques for me to use for some of my short stories
She said she had something for me and if I like I could come over tonight and get it.
I told her was kind of tired but as I was saying that I liked the idea of getting out of the house and going to the market where she lived above her store.
I told her to give me an hour and I would cab it down there.
She asked me if I would stop by the wine store and pick up a couple of bottles of Bordeaux.I told her it wouldn’t be a problem and hung up the phone.
I ran upstairs and took a quick shower just in case I decided to hit a couple of the bars before I went home.
As I was pulling on my shoes I doorbell rang and it was one of my friends who stopped by but I told him I had to go.
He offered me a drive in his new jeep.
I told him sure no problem and locked the door behind us and followed him to a dark colored Jeep.
Nice one.
He asked me where I was going and I told him to drop me off at the wine store in the market and that would be good enough.
I pulled out ten bucks and gave it too him for gas and he thanked me saying he didn’t have any more money for gas.
I commented to him that I can see why, this Jeep must have cost him a pretty penny.
That’s when he looked at me and said the Jeep didn’t cost him anything.
Huh?
Come again.
“It’s like this”.
“I was walking through the gas station and this guy finishes purtting gas in the Jeep and goes inside to pay for the gas”.
Yeah and?
“Well, he left the keys in the ignition so I got in and drove off”.
And this is the Jeep.
“Yeah”
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKEN MIND?!!!!!!!
Pull over and give me my ten bucks back you fucken nut.
“Don’t worry”.
What do you mean don’t worry?
I’m driving around in a stolen vehicle with a bag of pot in my pocket.
“Really, roll a joint”.
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!
Pull over, NOW!
“Relax”.
Relax, how am I supposed to relax and WHY AREN’T YOU WEARING YOUR SEATBELT.
Are you trying to get me arrested?
“We’re not going to get pulled over”.
The first cop that runs the plates on this Jeep is pulling us over.
“No they won’t”.
You’re pretty damn sure about that?
“Yeah”.
“If they run the plates it will be ok”.
The owner of the Jeep must have called it in by now.
“I’m sure he has but I stopped by the mall earlier and found a jeep the same color and switched plates so these are clean”.
PULL THE FUCK OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He drove me all the way to the wine store in the market and the whole time I was looking out for the cops.
Un fucken believable.
He’s not 20 years old.
He’s 52 and still snagging cars.
Fuck.
I don’t know what going to kill me first, women or my friends.
I walked into the wine store and picked up two bottles of wine and headed out to the antique store.
This is the old part of town.
Once upon a time this was the most dangerous place on the earth.
When I was a kid the bikers ran the area and hookers walked the streets.
Today it filled with these trendy bars and Bistros but where I was going was still like the old days and spooky.
The place gave me the creeps and always did.
It wasn’t safe at night no matter who you were.
I walked the five blocks from the wine store and down the dark alley to the store.
Pausing for a bit to look around to make sure there wasn’t a surprise waiting for me in some shadow.
Ten years ago some freak came at me not far from here with a baseball bat with six in nails driven onto the head.
I knocked on the door and stood there in the dark alley waiting for her but she didn’t show up.
I thought maybe she didn’t hear the door so I knocked harder this time creating a racket loud enough to wake the dead but ten minutes later I was still standing on the street so I pulled out my cell phone and called her.
There was no answer.
I figured she might be drunk, stoned or both, these witches are weird when they get stoned.
I rapped on the door once again and this time I saw movement in the back of the store through the window so I stepped closer to the door and waited while straining my eyes to catch a glimpse of her inside.
Just then I could see something bright flickering inside as it moved towards the door.
Stepping back a bit from the door I waited for it to open and when it did I stood there staring.
Holy Fuck………………..!
Have a nice day
Walker
That’s one dollar cheaper than it would have cost me for each of the crappy tables I was planning to buy.
Makes me wonder, if the could sell them that cheap with a minor scuffmark how much profit do they really make on this stuff?
After buying the tables I ran into a small problem.
This was a cash and carry store and wasn’t sure if they would fit in the car.
I was told to drive around back and someone who help me load the car so I took my mother by the arm and pulled her out of the couch and headed for the car.
We drove around back to the loading area and met the guy waiting for me with the door already open with the tables at the edge of the loading dock.
I picked up the first one and it wouldn’t fit through the door unless I put the passenger seat down flat and slide it in that way but to get the second one in I had to push the drivers seat forward and put the passenger seat down then lift it up when it was in to move the seat again.
The third table was not going to fit in the car and would have to go in the truck.
I got a Styrofoam blanked from the guy to wrap around the table and carefully put it in the trunk and used some bungee cords to secure the truck lid down as closed as I could.
With the trunk secured I jumped in and started the car and looked over my shoulder to pull out.
This is when I saw my mother standing outside still.
I looked at the empty seat to make sure that was really her standing out there and put the car back in park and got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side to fix the seat.
“You forgot me didn’t you”?
No, I was just pulling the car back to make it easier for you to get in.
“You forgot me”
No I didn’t
“I’m telling your father”.
Stool pigeon.
“What”?
Nothing
The drive home was uneventful as I drove as slow as the speed limit would let me so I wouldn’t hit a pothole and have the table in the truck pop out.
When we got home I had a hell of a time getting them out of the car because they had shifted during the drive home and now I was stuck in the cramped confines of the back seat trying to wiggle them out of the car.
After about twenty minutes of tugging back and forth I got the first one out and the second one was easy after that.
My father walked out the back door and started telling me how I was treating his car like a truck when he saw the tables until I unwrapped one t hat is and found out how much I paid for them.
My parents can’t resist a bargain.
I could be in the worse trouble I could get into and with a mention of a sale they forget it all.
After getting the tables in the house I brought them to where they will remain permanently and fix them later when I get what I need.
After getting them place I went to put away my groceries before I finally got the chance to crash down on the couch for a rest.
As I lay there watching TV the phone rang and it was one of the people who find weird antiques for me to use for some of my short stories
She said she had something for me and if I like I could come over tonight and get it.
I told her was kind of tired but as I was saying that I liked the idea of getting out of the house and going to the market where she lived above her store.
I told her to give me an hour and I would cab it down there.
She asked me if I would stop by the wine store and pick up a couple of bottles of Bordeaux.I told her it wouldn’t be a problem and hung up the phone.
I ran upstairs and took a quick shower just in case I decided to hit a couple of the bars before I went home.
As I was pulling on my shoes I doorbell rang and it was one of my friends who stopped by but I told him I had to go.
He offered me a drive in his new jeep.
I told him sure no problem and locked the door behind us and followed him to a dark colored Jeep.
Nice one.
He asked me where I was going and I told him to drop me off at the wine store in the market and that would be good enough.
I pulled out ten bucks and gave it too him for gas and he thanked me saying he didn’t have any more money for gas.
I commented to him that I can see why, this Jeep must have cost him a pretty penny.
That’s when he looked at me and said the Jeep didn’t cost him anything.
Huh?
Come again.
“It’s like this”.
“I was walking through the gas station and this guy finishes purtting gas in the Jeep and goes inside to pay for the gas”.
Yeah and?
“Well, he left the keys in the ignition so I got in and drove off”.
And this is the Jeep.
“Yeah”
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKEN MIND?!!!!!!!
Pull over and give me my ten bucks back you fucken nut.
“Don’t worry”.
What do you mean don’t worry?
I’m driving around in a stolen vehicle with a bag of pot in my pocket.
“Really, roll a joint”.
FUCK YOU!!!!!!!
Pull over, NOW!
“Relax”.
Relax, how am I supposed to relax and WHY AREN’T YOU WEARING YOUR SEATBELT.
Are you trying to get me arrested?
“We’re not going to get pulled over”.
The first cop that runs the plates on this Jeep is pulling us over.
“No they won’t”.
You’re pretty damn sure about that?
“Yeah”.
“If they run the plates it will be ok”.
The owner of the Jeep must have called it in by now.
“I’m sure he has but I stopped by the mall earlier and found a jeep the same color and switched plates so these are clean”.
PULL THE FUCK OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He drove me all the way to the wine store in the market and the whole time I was looking out for the cops.
Un fucken believable.
He’s not 20 years old.
He’s 52 and still snagging cars.
Fuck.
I don’t know what going to kill me first, women or my friends.
I walked into the wine store and picked up two bottles of wine and headed out to the antique store.
This is the old part of town.
Once upon a time this was the most dangerous place on the earth.
When I was a kid the bikers ran the area and hookers walked the streets.
Today it filled with these trendy bars and Bistros but where I was going was still like the old days and spooky.
The place gave me the creeps and always did.
It wasn’t safe at night no matter who you were.
I walked the five blocks from the wine store and down the dark alley to the store.
Pausing for a bit to look around to make sure there wasn’t a surprise waiting for me in some shadow.
Ten years ago some freak came at me not far from here with a baseball bat with six in nails driven onto the head.
I knocked on the door and stood there in the dark alley waiting for her but she didn’t show up.
I thought maybe she didn’t hear the door so I knocked harder this time creating a racket loud enough to wake the dead but ten minutes later I was still standing on the street so I pulled out my cell phone and called her.
There was no answer.
I figured she might be drunk, stoned or both, these witches are weird when they get stoned.
I rapped on the door once again and this time I saw movement in the back of the store through the window so I stepped closer to the door and waited while straining my eyes to catch a glimpse of her inside.
Just then I could see something bright flickering inside as it moved towards the door.
Stepping back a bit from the door I waited for it to open and when it did I stood there staring.
Holy Fuck………………..!
Have a nice day
Walker
Posts
17 comments:
I don't get it. What was it?
----and there she was with an old pepper grinder strapped on like a great big penis. she threw me against the wall, ripped my pants down and----
oh wait a minute this is your blog! my bad.
The Troll: I will post about that on Friday.
My posts are getting long in the tooth as it is but lets just say it had alot to do with voodoo type crap.
INNER VOICES: Hmmmm not quite but almost as scary and you go ahead and write my next post if you like and I would be happy to post it lol
I adore you. I worship your writing. Your stories are phenominal! But if you don't quit leaving me hanging I'm gonna come to you. I'm gonna invade your world so I know how things end. I'm gonna make your life a living hell! Then I won't have to wait till Friday.
hey walker. just popped over to say hello. hope all is well with you. sounds like you had a good day with your mom. parents are nice to have around aren't they? take it easy...poet
That sounds most intriguing, Walker. I guess that life around your way isn't really that boring...borrowed jeep, hahaha!
Damn you to the pits of hell Walker.
FIRST for snagging such a bargain (though i'm proud of you!)
THEN for leaving me hanging. You know I live for spooky stuff!!!!
Just a few hours of your life is 10 times more interesting than 10 years of mine.
I'll be back Friday, 'cuz I love the voodoo schnizz.
"Classic" Walker - Thanks!
Lindy: Aw thank you very much but you still have to wait LOL
Truth is I can only write so much and its going t o be a three parter :D
poet: Hey, nice seeing you. Its always fun shopping with my mother plus she likes getting away from Hitler, aka My father
Puss-in-Boots: I don't get a chance to be bored I guess because of ouside influences.
Don't we all wish we could just borrow a Jeep like that lol
Monogram Queen: It's going to get spookier ;)
Anonymous Boxer: I think your life is interesting as I do the lives of many of the others who read here.
I think we all crave a little change from what we do day in and day out
Sometimes it's good to get here late because I didn't have to wait for the next part. However, I am waiting for part 3 now.
Love the story about the jeep. What a classic!
I think I would walk if I had to take that kind of chance. Glad no cop pulled you over. I knew a man who when stationed in Germany when he was in his early 20`s and was walking towards town when another fellow driving a jeep stopped and offered him a ride to town. Turned out the driver took the jeep without permission and they never believed the other kid didn`t know it was stollen. The lad told me that this fellow was always driving the higher ups around in that jeep, so he thought he had permission. Both got kicked out of service. Guess the other lad told them his friend never knew he stole the jeep, but they just accused him of covering up for a friend. Glad the cops didn`t catch your friend while you were still in the vehicle.
Whatdya mean Holy Fuck, was it the virgin Mary????? now I'll go read the next episode.
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