Pumpin It Until It Hurts ©

I got hummer of a headache and haven’t slept at all for the last two days.
Mother’s day went well, we had a Bbq where we ate to much and then after clearing the dishes we fell back and vegged out for a couple of hours.

I got my mother a massive gardenia that pretty much fills up her whole front window.
My father freaked out that it was to big.
My mother said it was perfect as she swung from limb to limb.
It has a three feet diameter canopy of flowers and leaves at the top but the bottom it’s kind of barren.
When I went into this store that supplies everything farm to the farmers in the area to buy some plants for the front I saw that they also sold houseplants so I wandered on over there to see what they had and saw that a lot of their plants look bad.
In fact they looked so bad that if they were dead and buried they would probably come back to life.

I looked down at the price and it was on sale from $79.98 to $29. 98.
As many of you know plants are kind of a hobby with me and I have about 60 potted plants from around the world in my house now so I know a little about them.
The leaves were turning black and drying off by the hundreds and the bottom was already filled with thousands of dead dry leaves.
It’s that big.
I stuck my finger into the pot (if you want to know how something feels you have to stick your finger in it) and it was soaked.
Being soaked is good for some thing but for a plant, especially a gardenia it spell death by drowning.

I looked around the section looking for someone to talk to about the gardenia but there was no one in sight so I went off to the front where they directed me to the back where I was told to go outside to the garden center where I was told I had to go inside to talk to the lady that sold saddles, who brought me to the lady who sells pet food because she used to be in charge of the plants before she got promoted to dog food.

I asked her what she could tell me what was wrong with the gardenia, not like I didn’t already know that it was in need of a new pot and no water for a couple of weeks.
She said she knew nothing about it or any of the other plants in the houseplant section and she was the expert on the section.
There must be a lot of dogs out around here eating cat food if they shop at that store.

I told her I was interested in the plant but I wasn’t willing to risk loosing 30 bucks on it and another 10 for a new pot to put it in but if she went half off I would buy it and the new pot.
She agreed so I picked it up and left a path of falling leaves all over the store as I went around to find what else I needed before I cashed out at the cash.
At home I filled a garbage bag with the dead leaves I took off of the plant and when I hauled out the plant from it old pot a river of water started pouring out of it and onto my kitchen floor.
Normally I would have done this in my basement where I am set up for transplanting plants but it was to big to get through the door and I couldn’t do it outside because my mother would have seen it before hand and I wanted it to be a surprise.

I went down into the basements and found and old strainer I had down there and put the plant in that for a couple of hours to let as much water drain from it as possible and then I added new soil to the new pot as it was bigger than the one it had been in and I was done with that until I gave it to her the other day.

Personally I like giving something that will last longer than flowers in a vase.
My brother spent 20 on a gorgeous bouquet of flowers that will die in about a week.
I paid 25 for a plant that will be blooming for years to come.

After the food had digested a bit I came home to watch TV then went to bed about 2 am and tried to sleep to no avail and found myself downstairs at 5 am watching TV again while my head thumbed.
At 5 am there are only three things on TV, news, Infomercials and those programs where the try and get singles to spend a fortune to meet other singles for a price of course.

Tough choice, so I watched the news and what’s all over the news?
Is it the Clinton, Obama campaign?
Yes that’s there but it’s not the biggest thing in the news.

Is it the battle being waged in Lebanon right now?
Yes it’s in the news but it’s not the biggest story.

Was it the Bush wedding that had banned all reporters from attending?
Yeah, the no news was in the news.

No, the biggest thing in the news is the gas prices soaring upward.
It’s so big now that all the candidates in the States are jumping on the same wagon and saying how they will freeze prices for the summer.
Sure they will and when Fall comes they will be doubled to catch up I bet.
Did you hear how Chrysler is offering to pay for anything over two dollars a gallon ion the U.S. for the first three years that you own a new car that you buy off of them.
Yeah, they are finally making fuel efficient cars and can afford to do that now.
Where the fuck were they years ago?

Earlier in the day I was watching another program where there were interviewing a Democratic senator who just published a book.
The guy asked him about the war in Iraq and then jokingly asked when they will be able to flip Iraq for a profit and laughed while telling the senator he was joking.
Hmmm, I wonder.
Any how the senator had a snicker with him then leaned over and said, ”The war in Iraq costs $5000 a second”.

GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!

$5,000 a second, that’s $300,000 a minute or 18 million dollars an hour?!
So when’s the last time you made 18 million dollars an hour?
No wonder gas is going up and up, that money has to come from somewhere and it comes from us.
Yes I mean US because what Americans do affects Canadians because our economy is so intertwined.

I bet many people don’t know that we have the second most oil in the world and we supply most of the oil imported into the States along with Mexico close behind.
So if we have all this oil, why are we paying as much if not more than other people?
It’s the refinery costs and taxes that are greasing ALL of us.
Gas prices are going so high that people who used to sniff gas are now getting high on crack because it’s cheaper.

I got my first car when I was 16 and gas was $1.20 per gallon.
Our gallon is bigger than the U.S. gallon.
See not everything is bigger in the States; even our hookers are bigger because we feed them.
We don’t want tourists to be scared away by emaciated Hos besides they need the extra beef to keep them warm in the winter months but that’s another post.

Oh and another thing.
What’s the difference between a Hooker and a Ho because there is a difference?
I thought there wasn’t but recently I have found out the truth about where the term Ho comes from.
You see a Hooker, is an educated whore where as a Ho hasn’t gone to school and can’t spell hooker when filling up the welfare form where it says “Last position held, ”and bent over the hood of a car doesn’t count unless you have a credit card receipt so they just write Ho.

Thirty-three years ago I went to the gas station to fill up my first car for the first time and stood there for ages to fill my car with ten bucks.
I stood there staring at the pump reading the instructions.
I could have gone to a self-serve place but I wanted to do it myself.
Taking the nozzle in my hand I went to the back of the car and pulled down the licence plate to expose the pipe for the gas tank and put it in and squeezed the nozzle, nothing happened.
I pulled it out and looked on the thing to see if there was a safety on it but there was none so I shoved it back in and squeezed again, still no gas.

Just then a voice from above called down to me.
I looked up at the sky a little puzzled at hearing a voice wondering if I was hearing things.
Then the voice came back and said “Turn on the handle at the pump”.
I looked up at the sky and slowly walked back to the pump and saw a handle you are supposed to drop across the cradle where the pump rests when not in use.
I turn the handle down and walked back to the car and squeeze the handle and could feel the fuel rushing through the hose.

I slowly looked up and stared at the sky and said thanks and the voice said “you’re welcome”.
Still looking up and said, “God”?
The voice said, “No moron, I’m the guy in the booth”.
Guess whom I had to see to pay after?

Remember going to the gas station and watching the numbers slowly going up.
$0.01, $0.02, $0.03…………..
Ten minutes later its getting close to the magic number and you get ready to release the lever at the right moment to stop the pump.
$9.97, $9.98, $9.99, $10.

WOOOOOO HOOOOOO

Nailed it right on the money
How could you miss, it goes so slow.

Today I went to the gas station to put ten bucks in and let me tell you, the pump they have today are nothing like they used to be.
Now they will take any kind of payment, credit parts, debit cards and if the gas prices keep going up they way they are they will soon be opening a pawn shop section for you to trade your shit for fuel.

I stand there pressing button after button until I understood how I was going to be raped by the gas company, then chose which grade of gas I wanted.
They have three grades.
Regular or bronze as they call it.
Super or silver
High octane or gold
They should just call it, expensive, really expensive and I can’t afford it, instead of bronze, silver and gold.
Wait when they come out with platinum gas.
You fill the tank and then go inside to sign over your ownership to the car to pay for it.

After choosing the grade of gas I want I put the nozzle into the gas pipe and squeeze the nozzle and get ready to count up to ten buck.
$0.01, $10,23.
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Food for thought

Gas is really getting expensive, the question is, why and where is that money going?

You can get more mileage out of a hooker for the same money it would cost to fill up a tank of gas.
Twice as far with a Ho.

Have a nice day

Walker