blue moon (2)

Friday, December 14, 2007

Friday Afternoon ©

I guess I could take a break from my endless pile of Christmas cards to write a post.
On the subject of Christmas cards if anyone would like one from me, just drop me an email and I will send one your way but hurry these are going out Monday.

I remember last year when I went and dropped off my cards at the post office I realized something for the first time.
Do you realize it costs more to mail a card than it is to buy one?

You could buy a box of 25 greeting cards for $7.
To send those cards to the US would cost $23.25
To send them to Europe, it would cost $38.75.
Good thing I don’t have friends on Mars; I’d be fucked.

I don’t want to say that postal employees don’t deserve the money they get because I know first hand most of them don’t get enough but you got to wonder that someone sat down and designed the card then someone else had to think up the greeting on the inside and we all know how much of a headache it is when you desperately need to think something up to write and you can’t.
I am saying there is a lot of talent put into the making of just one card and it sells for pennies compared to what it costs to send it.

Anyway, where was I here, oh yes, how I got to be taking a break and writing this short post, which will probably be a long post by the time I am done.

I was sitting here writing out a card when the coursed phone rang.
It was a collection agency that I have been playing with for the last three years.
I think they call about three times a week and bug me for a hundred dollars for a ticket I supposedly got in January 1 1990 2:30 am.

It is alleged that I attempted to escape police only to get stopped and a fined for speeding.
Now this is something I would have done way back in the late 80s and early 90s but I’m innocent I tell you.
You, you can take my word for it.

Here, let’s look at the day and evidence.
It was a cold crisp night and I had been out with the gang drinking at the regular hangout bringing in the New Year.
The party had started earlier and we had been drinking and running outside to smoke joints all night long.

The last time that night I stepped out for a toke a cruiser pulled up right infront of me and I was pulling on the joint and the cop saw me.
He said something to his partner then waved me over.
Half drunk and stoned, not to mention the mountain sized chip I had on my shoulder for cops, I swallowed the joint, gave them the finger then walked back into the bar.

Back then two cops wouldn’t walk into a bar filled with drug dealers without another 50 cops backing them, up so they left.
I would have.

After we all brought in the New Year, everyone started going home.
When almost everyone was gone I got up to head off, it was about 2am.
I had managed to talk two cashiers from the local market I met at the bar that night to come home with me to keep on partying so we left the bar and headed off for my car which was parked around the corner.

After the car was warmed up I headed off down the road for about six blocks and then turned west for about another ten blocks where I had to turn south down my street but as soon as I made the turn I drove into a trap.
There were three cruisers waiting for me and another two pulled up from behind boxing me in.

Ten cops rushed the car with their hands on their guns ready to pull and shoot then ordered me out with my hands where they could see them.
I just grinned at them as I got out of the car.
They grabbed me and put me on the front of the hood and began checking for weapons, finding a only a knife in my back pocket.

They searched the girls and tossed the car looking for drugs but didn’t find any.
I only had what I needed for the night, why carry more.
Not finding anything, they wrote me three tickets for not having my license, insurance and ownership papers with me then let us go.

That was at 2:30am according to the ticket.
So if I am spread across the hood of my car at 2:30am, how the fuck can I bee 5 miles away in a police chase in a totally different car?

Back then they didn’t have pictures on licenses so people could pretend they were someone else if they were driving while suspended and the police couldn’t prove you were lying.
They just gave you a ticket to produce your license within 72 hours to cancel the ticket.
Many of my friends have used my name in the past to get out of trouble.
I never did that of course.
I didn’t need to, I had more than one set of IDs under various names all legally illegal.
In other words they were legally issued by the different government departments.
They never checked anyone’s background back then like they do now.
You could get your freaking dog a driver’s license.

One time my Hindu friend used my name when he was pulled over while driving under suspension and the cops believed he was I.
When’s the last time you say a Hindu with a Greek name.
Just call me Mahatma Ghandi.
Cops are fucken dumb sometimes.

Then I had to go pick him up from the cop shop and on the way out the desk cop asked me what my friends names was and I looked at him and said “Walker something, I couldn’t pronounce his weird long last name” then walked out with buddy in tow.
I wanted to drive him out in the woods that night and leave him out there to freeze to death.
He managed to loose most of the points on my license with that stupid stunt.
Damn friends.

It wasn’t that night though but I do know who it was and he never paid for the ticket and I am not going to either so I guess I will just keep getting my buddies calling and listening to their frustrated voices as I keep telling them that I wasn’t going to pay the ticket and that I don’t care about my credit rating because I didn’t have one anyway.

Today when they called the man asked me if I made it a habit of not paying fines and I told him only the ones that weren’t mine.
He said I should go to the courthouse and fix it and I did tell him I did.
That’s when he said then I must have gotten the ticket because they don’t make mistakes and should pay it.
What a moron to think the system doesn’t fuck up.
If there weren’t a way to punch holes into the system they wouldn’t be changing it all the time.
I told him I wasn’t going to pay the ticket so no commission for him.
I could hear his disgust by the tone of his voice as he told me I wasn’t being a responsible person, I wished him a Merry Christmas and hung up.
Someone new should be calling on Tuesday, ha ha ha.

Ok back to my cards

Have a nice weekend



patti_cake said...

I want a card! Have you got the one I sent yet or do I have to email you? You kill me but I wouldn't pay the damn ticket either if I weren't guilty.

Walker said...

patti_cake : Your's is already written up ;)

I know if buddy would pay it would go away but I'll be damned if I pay a ticket because the cops can;t figure out it wasn;t me even with the evidence I have already given them.
What do they want victoms to do, go out there and do their work for them.
Not that I am much of a victim but there are others out there who have been screwed like this to.

BikerCandy said...

You know I make my cards and this year they were a little thick. After I included my Christmas letter they were VERY thick. I went ahead and put 2 stamps on all the cards with a letter but only put one stamp on those that didn't have the letter. (I only send the letter to people out of town that I don't see). Anyway, I got about half of my single stamp cards back the next day saying there was not enough postage. Apparently I needed 17 more cents so to mail one of my cards cost 58 cents. What is so strange is why did half of the cards go through without needing extra postage but half did not? If you are going to screw me at least be consistent! I worry now that the people that didn't get returned to me are going to have to pay postage just to get my damn card! Ugh...I don't think 58 cents is reasonable to mail a card though. I mean come can't take that much more effort to put it in a mailbox than another card of the same size.

Oops...sorry I got a little wordy there.

Anonymous Boxer said...

You swallowed the joint??


Gypsy said...

Keep your eye on your letter box for your card Walker. I finally got them all written.

When you swallowed the joint, it wasn't lit was it??????

nachtwache said...

ummmmh. You my friend have lots of time on your hands, care to give me some? I could use it, thinking of canceling cards this year, but I guess I can't, sigh.
That card you send gets handled by lots of people! First someone empties all the mail boxes and brings it to the nearest post office, from there, the bags get put into momotainers, truckdrivers pick them up, somethings also get shipped by air, from all over, mail gets sent to the nearest, large postal plant, forklift drivers unload the trucks and load the mail on elevators(if the plant is more than 1 level) and take them to a presort area where employees open the bags, empty them onto a belt that takes the mail through a sorting system. More workers separate non-machinable and oversize items from the letter sized mail. A lot of that larger items go to the area where mail gets sorted manually. Letters get stacked in the machine and a worker removes the stacks and places them in a container, someone else picks up the full containers, that are placed on a 5 level rack on wheels, takes the rack to the machine that sorts by code, to cities and countries, 2 people work on that machine, one putting the mail in, the other clearing the full slots, putting the sorted mail in a container below the slot, marked by destination. Full containers again get put on racks, some all local towns, another rack for international, one for US, one for mail to be rerun and one for rejects, different employees pick up these racks to be further processed or labeled and shipped to the US and international areas, US gets weighed and put in shipping containers, international as well, but lots gets sorted manually. It goes on and on. If you consider how many people handle your card before your mailman delivers it, postage is a bargain! Really. :)

Blazngfyre said...


But it's already Monday ....

Peter said...

Don't think we have time to exchange cards between Canada and Australia this year Walker, tough luck.

having my cake said...

Im with AB and Gypsy... more about the joint!!!!

I enjoyed the postie comment from nachtwache, it made me think of a poem by John Betjeman called the Night Mail I think.

In the New Year, I have to write a grovelling letter for Ruf. He drove a hire car for a friend recently and managed to rack up two speeding tickets in one day. The first earned him a spot penalty of 3 points and a £60 fine for doing 91mph on a clear motorway (70mph), the second for being clocked by a camera at 99mph on a clear motorway 20 minutes earlier has been deemed worthy of a summons. I fear his previously clean licence of over 20 years is under threat. Anyone got any salient points that I should be putting in the letter begging them to be lenient with him?