Friday Afternoon ©

I guess I could take a break from my endless pile of Christmas cards to write a post.
On the subject of Christmas cards if anyone would like one from me, just drop me an email and I will send one your way but hurry these are going out Monday.

I remember last year when I went and dropped off my cards at the post office I realized something for the first time.
Do you realize it costs more to mail a card than it is to buy one?

You could buy a box of 25 greeting cards for $7.
To send those cards to the US would cost $23.25
To send them to Europe, it would cost $38.75.
Good thing I don’t have friends on Mars; I’d be fucked.

I don’t want to say that postal employees don’t deserve the money they get because I know first hand most of them don’t get enough but you got to wonder that someone sat down and designed the card then someone else had to think up the greeting on the inside and we all know how much of a headache it is when you desperately need to think something up to write and you can’t.
I am saying there is a lot of talent put into the making of just one card and it sells for pennies compared to what it costs to send it.

Anyway, where was I here, oh yes, how I got to be taking a break and writing this short post, which will probably be a long post by the time I am done.

I was sitting here writing out a card when the coursed phone rang.
It was a collection agency that I have been playing with for the last three years.
I think they call about three times a week and bug me for a hundred dollars for a ticket I supposedly got in January 1 1990 2:30 am.

It is alleged that I attempted to escape police only to get stopped and a fined for speeding.
Supposedly.
Now this is something I would have done way back in the late 80s and early 90s but I’m innocent I tell you.
Really
You, you can take my word for it.

Here, let’s look at the day and evidence.
It was a cold crisp night and I had been out with the gang drinking at the regular hangout bringing in the New Year.
The party had started earlier and we had been drinking and running outside to smoke joints all night long.

The last time that night I stepped out for a toke a cruiser pulled up right infront of me and I was pulling on the joint and the cop saw me.
He said something to his partner then waved me over.
Half drunk and stoned, not to mention the mountain sized chip I had on my shoulder for cops, I swallowed the joint, gave them the finger then walked back into the bar.

Back then two cops wouldn’t walk into a bar filled with drug dealers without another 50 cops backing them, up so they left.
I would have.

After we all brought in the New Year, everyone started going home.
When almost everyone was gone I got up to head off, it was about 2am.
I had managed to talk two cashiers from the local market I met at the bar that night to come home with me to keep on partying so we left the bar and headed off for my car which was parked around the corner.

After the car was warmed up I headed off down the road for about six blocks and then turned west for about another ten blocks where I had to turn south down my street but as soon as I made the turn I drove into a trap.
There were three cruisers waiting for me and another two pulled up from behind boxing me in.

Ten cops rushed the car with their hands on their guns ready to pull and shoot then ordered me out with my hands where they could see them.
I just grinned at them as I got out of the car.
They grabbed me and put me on the front of the hood and began checking for weapons, finding a only a knife in my back pocket.

They searched the girls and tossed the car looking for drugs but didn’t find any.
I only had what I needed for the night, why carry more.
Not finding anything, they wrote me three tickets for not having my license, insurance and ownership papers with me then let us go.

That was at 2:30am according to the ticket.
So if I am spread across the hood of my car at 2:30am, how the fuck can I bee 5 miles away in a police chase in a totally different car?

Back then they didn’t have pictures on licenses so people could pretend they were someone else if they were driving while suspended and the police couldn’t prove you were lying.
They just gave you a ticket to produce your license within 72 hours to cancel the ticket.
Many of my friends have used my name in the past to get out of trouble.
I never did that of course.
I didn’t need to, I had more than one set of IDs under various names all legally illegal.
In other words they were legally issued by the different government departments.
They never checked anyone’s background back then like they do now.
You could get your freaking dog a driver’s license.

One time my Hindu friend used my name when he was pulled over while driving under suspension and the cops believed he was I.
When’s the last time you say a Hindu with a Greek name.
Just call me Mahatma Ghandi.
Cops are fucken dumb sometimes.

Then I had to go pick him up from the cop shop and on the way out the desk cop asked me what my friends names was and I looked at him and said “Walker something, I couldn’t pronounce his weird long last name” then walked out with buddy in tow.
I wanted to drive him out in the woods that night and leave him out there to freeze to death.
He managed to loose most of the points on my license with that stupid stunt.
Damn friends.

It wasn’t that night though but I do know who it was and he never paid for the ticket and I am not going to either so I guess I will just keep getting my buddies calling and listening to their frustrated voices as I keep telling them that I wasn’t going to pay the ticket and that I don’t care about my credit rating because I didn’t have one anyway.

Today when they called the man asked me if I made it a habit of not paying fines and I told him only the ones that weren’t mine.
He said I should go to the courthouse and fix it and I did tell him I did.
That’s when he said then I must have gotten the ticket because they don’t make mistakes and should pay it.
What a moron to think the system doesn’t fuck up.
If there weren’t a way to punch holes into the system they wouldn’t be changing it all the time.
I told him I wasn’t going to pay the ticket so no commission for him.
I could hear his disgust by the tone of his voice as he told me I wasn’t being a responsible person, I wished him a Merry Christmas and hung up.
Someone new should be calling on Tuesday, ha ha ha.

Ok back to my cards

Have a nice weekend

Walker