blue moon (2)

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Naked Reality ©

They say that if you stand in one spot long enough what you’re looking for will fall into your lap or the unbelievable will show up.
I usually get shit on by a bird.

For the last few months I have become a bit of a hermit because of work in my parents place and my psycho zeal trying to desperately pay off my bills so I can save up to go to the UK in the spring, that’s still up in the air depending on what shape my house is in but it’s a good chance I may be.

So being the hermit I have been, life has been quiet, well quiet for me anyway but the other day while I am sitting in my chair the doorbell rings.
I look at the clock and it says 1 pm, it’s been one pm since the battery ran out 3 months ago, but the clock on top on the front door said it was 1 pm to and it’s battery only ran out last week so it must have been 1 pm.

I open the front door and there is this beautiful oriental woman stand there in this white dress and a big smile on her face.
She looked like she was about 25 but what do I know, oriental people look younger for some reason, she could have been 80.
The first thing I thought was “OMG LOOK WHAT VICKIE SENT ME”!!!!!!
That bubble burst when she asked for Tina.

Hmmmm
What do I say to that?
I can lie, “yeah Tina just stepped out but she should be back soon, why don’t you come in and we can wait together”.
No I can’t do that.
I could tell her my name was Tina, I know my mother wanted to call me Tina.

So I tell her the truth.
I told her I wanted to pretend I was Tina to get her in the house but if she wanted to come in I would answer to Tina.
She laughed and said she didn’t think Paul would like it.
I told her I would answer to Paul to, ”wink”.
Paul it tuned out was her hubby, oh well, then she could call me Paul and I wouldn't get upset if she didn't call me Tina, “wink”
That got her laughing more but she said she needed to find Tina and she probably had the wrong address but was sorry to bother me.
I told her not to worry about it but thanked her for the action and told her it had been a while.
Then she took off to find Tina.
I guess it was just as well, she had small boobs anyway and I like em bigger something to grab and hold onto.
Little ones are dangerous especially in the dark when the are long and hard, you could take out an eye.

I went back to the TV and started watching the God Father part two, again.
I don’t know how many times I have seen it and it’s always the same.
You would think that they would find another way to make it entertaining.
If it were up to me I would fuck everybody up and change it a bit just to see what would happen.
People would freak.
Like make Michael Corleone gay or something like that.
Most of the male cast would be killed because Michael would always kissing them on the lips signalling the kiss of death.

Later that night after taking a shower to cool down I went outside and sat on the porch having a beer, this after I smoked a spliff first.
My neighbour was outside and walked on over and sat in the chair next to mine.
She doesn’t have a porch for now because they tore it down to build a new one.
$32,000 for a new porch, ouch.

We sat out there exchanging small talk and asking about the welfare of family members, shit like that.
I have known her for 30 years and she has one son that is about 6’ 10” who just made her a grandmother.

It was about midnight and holding fresh drinks I looked up the street and I saw someone running in our direction.
At first it wasn’t anything special but as the figure got closer it was obvious that it was a man.
Firstly because he was tall over six feet and burly and as he got closer it was confirmed by his dangling cock as he ran by us.
I started thinking that was good pot.
I looked at the neighbour and asked her if a naked guy just ran by and we both got up and watched his white butt bouncing up the street.
We looked at each other as another naked guy ran by in the same direction as the first one.
WTF.
She was giggling her ass off as we walked to the sidewalk and watched them run up the street then suddenly there was a pack of guys running naked in the night.
OMG they're run in packs now.
This was too funny, I thought the neighbor was going to have an orgasm standing next to me she was so excited.
I have lived in this neighborhood for almost 40 years and have never seen this before.

We figured it had to be a fraternity thing, a pledge, something that would justify eight naked guys running down the street on the witching hour.
She thought it was great thiugh and said she was going to hang out on my porch more often.
Then she started teasing me about feeling bad that I didn’t get to see a naked woman and she got to see all these naked men.
I told her she could fix that but it only made her laugh more.
So I told her then five bucks would make it better if she didn’t want to pledge to my viewing pleasure.

When she came back from getting another drink she tossed me a fin and asked if it made me feel better.
I told her almost then put it in my shirt pocket and we kept on talking about the naked guys some more as she fantasized about being with a 20 year old.
About 30 minutes later this week’s newest hooker was walking by the front and as she went by she smiled and winked at me.
The neighbour was disgusted.
HA!!!!!!

So I called to the hooker and she came back to the porch.
I took the five bucks out of my shirt pocket and asked her to show me her tits.
Up went the top and I even got to see some nipple pinching before she snapped up the fin and walked back to her perch on the corner.
I looked at the neighbour with a grin and thanked her.
She said I had to pay for it but she got it for free.
I pointed out to her that I got it for free because that was her five bucks, ha ha ha

We sat out there for another thirty minutes before she went in because she had to work in the morning.
I sat there for a bit longer and came in myself to read a few blogs before I hit the hay.
So you see, you don’t have to go far from your front door to experience life any more, it just comes a knocking.

I finished my reading and went to bed.
At 8am the doorbell went off and I crawled out of bed to go kill who was at the door.

I open the door, “Hi Tina“


Have a nice day


Walker

49 comments:

Nan said...

I love your stories. Your life is much more interesting than mine.

Peter said...

Holy shit Walker, it's not just your family and friends.... the whole fucken neighborhood is crazy.

Walker said...

Nan: Its not my stories its the people around me LOL

Walker said...

Peter: And thats why they call us Crazy Canucks LOL

Gypsy said...

Was Tina really there (a.k.a. oriental woman)or are you just teasing again? You'll be dancing with those knickers on your head before you know it if you keep hanging out on your porch...:)

Gypsy said...

Oh and PS....On behalf of all of us women who were at the back of the queue when big bosoms were handed out....more than a handful is a waste big fella;)

Walker said...

Gypsy: Tina was who she was looking at and in the morning it was the neigbor waking me up to call me Tina for fun. I told her the story first.

Walker said...

Gypsy: Well what can I say I am a wastful guy but if the cup over flows I could just lick it up after lol

Sally said...

I see it now - I need to get a porch - or not!! HAHA Walker,you're a trip! :)

Walker said...

Sally : But its the neighbors, I'm an Angel really :)

itisi said...

I don't know what is more funny, this post or the fact that you are trying to convince Sally that you are an angel. LMAO

tammi said...

OK wait!
I had to stop reading at the Godfather part 2 part cuz I'm laughing so hard.As if it wasn't funny enuff that you prolly tripped out the oriental girl....ha ha..I JUST watched half of the Godfather(part 2) too,thinking DAMN Al Pacino is STILL hot!Then I thought...am I getting old or what? Cuz I watched this a loonnnng time ago.Or so it seems.LOL
I swear Walker,you sound like one of these funny guys,after club closing time, that have had alot to drink and I'm going back and forth w/ them trying to get them put in a motel room.
Wait! Have you checked into Motel 6 lately?

gotta finish your dang post.

tammi said...

Ohhh kaaaay!
I had to stop,scroll down to your comment section and put my 2 cents in.So I suppose alot of men are lieing when they say "more than a mouth full is a waste"?
Am I getting offended?
Nahhhh....but BIG BOOBS?
Umph! Over-rated!
But I can't imagine pointed one's.LOL I should be the booby-expert cuz I SURE have seen 100's of knockers while I was in an 8 person shower in the pen,and I was mesmerized (yes,stareing) while some people have to hike those big suckers waaay up to wash under them,cuz when they were younger,they had nice big boobies...but as they age...they go lower,and lower and lower,until they are considered sag-ola.Maybe not everybody...but I have to say: I looove the fact that I belong to the itty-bitty-titty-committee.
And you say...pictures must lie,right?But padded bra's don't.(giggle)

tammi said...

I think the neighbor is flirting (on the cool)....so I think ya'll should just "do it" and get it over with.LOL
Hmmm...the ending threw me for a loop.Is or was there REALLY a Tina?
Too-da-loo

Shaz said...

I am laughing out aloud for the first time in a week you just crack me up.
I loved this and sorry gypsy and tammy but these big old boobs are a Double E and there not wasted at all LOL
Nothing wrong with tuckin em under yer arm pits to run, dont you get the best of both worlds then?

Blazngfyre said...

Why didn't you send her my way?! lol
I mean, she WAS looking for me!
Maybe it was the massage i've been begging for ....


I wish naked men would come running by MY house!
Hell, i'd even flash 'em my tatas!

One more reason why I LOVE CANADA!
You crazy 'nucks! lol

Walker said...

itisi: So ummm , what are you trying to say that I am not an angel LOL

Walker said...

tammi: Nope have never been to a Motel 6 but you can take me to one any time you like.

I know what you mean about movies we saw way back when they first came out and now telling us how old we are.

I like big boobs but its not a must.
Being female though is a biggie LOL

Walker said...

tammi : She was having a good time as friends do. .It was her at the door in the morning asking for Tina. She thought she would tease me a little more but calling me Tina becuase i had offered to let that lady the day before to call me that.

Walker said...

Shaz : LOL you crack me up to.
My exs have varied from a "B" to a "JJJ" but in the end I didn't date them for their bra sizes.

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: If she shows up again I will tell her to scoot down there to give you a back rub, I thats what you need but I would have looked for some young stud with big arms to do it but hey, little oriental girls you want then that's what you can have LOL

Blazngfyre said...

I'd rather have a young, strapping man ..... but NOT for the kind of massage that my back so desperately needs! ;)
No, a lil oriental gal to walk on my back is just what I need right about now.

Vickie said...

Walker you mean to tell me after I sent her your way---she took one look and asked for Tina---now something just ain't right here---BTW--that is not the story she is telling---lol

I love your post. :)

Vickie said...

wait a minute---young oriental girl---well see I know you a little better---I would have asked for the Big Boobed one but I thought this one might walk on your back---after all I know you have back problems and not---well you know anxiety--or depression---just saying--or thinking and that gets me in trouble.

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: It's been a while since I had a good back walk.
For a massage though give me a swedish goddess that knows how to use he hands :D

Walker said...

Vickie: But maybe Tina was suppose to hold me down while she jumped on me.

I like having someone walk on my back.
Its been a number of years since i had it done and i remember how good it felt.

Anonymous Boxer said...

Thank you Gypsy for speaking out for us, less endowed women.

However, I did laugh a lot during this post, so I forgive you.

patti_cake said...

Boy your neighborhood is about as unpredictable as my old 'hood. So... who's Tina or aren't you going to tell us?

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: Woo Hooo I was forgiven.
The size of a woman's boobs means little in the scheme of things, its who each and everyone one of us is that attracts us to the poeple we choose to love.

Walker said...

patti_cake: I don;t knwo who Tina is, I have a daugghter named Tina and a couple of friuends named Tina but I don;t know the Tina she was looking for.

itisi said...

Damn it!
I was sitting here laughing so hard at all the comments everyone made, that I burned dinner! LOL
And yes Walker, you are an angel, at least to me. But you have a wicked sense of humor!

Gypsy said...

Shaz has size Double E's!!!! So thats who took mine and Boxers share. How bout sharing with your friends Shaz....lol.

Gypsy said...

Actually I'm quite happy with my C cups. I don't think my back could support anything bigger anyways. My big pregnant tummy already did enough damage but at least that only stuck out for 9 months....ok ok I want a D cup, I admit it, are you happy now??? :)

Walker said...

itisi: Ummm I'm sorry. :)

Walker said...

Gypsy : Well you see that's because Shaz ran fast toi the front of the line LOL

Walker said...

Gypsy : I will talk to Santa and I will see what he can do. I hear he is a boob guy to, at leat thats what Mrs C says LOL

Gypsy said...

Well Walker, as long as the boob size is proportionate to the man's appendage, I reckon all bets are off :) Want me to talk to Santa for you too...LMAO

Walker said...

Gypsy : not for the appendage but you could tell him last year gift sprung a leak lol

Gypsy said...

Bragger!!!

Walker said...

Gypsy: Who's bragging I am saying I am happy with what I have. I don't want a club I will pass out trying to supply with blood LOL

Gypsy said...

LMAO....and I don't want watermelons that are going to make me fall on my face every time I stand up....thanks for the chuckle Walker....gotta love ya!

Walker said...

Gypsy: Someone I dated 14 years ago had a JJJ cup.
Every time she rolled over i got knocked out.
But on the serious side. She was having back problems and her bras cost her 100 dollars each

gab said...

How is it you get all this stuff happening in your neighborhood? Do you advertise that its safe to do god knows what on your street and no will think twice about it? My neighborhood is so full of old people,mexicans and us. lol boreing.

Walker said...

Gab: I live between two donut shops so its pretty safe with the cops running between them LOL

Blazngfyre said...

"but I would have looked for some young stud with big arms to do it"

Is that an offer?!

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: I would gladly do it but I am not a young stud, more like a dirty old man LOL

Blazngfyre said...

I don't discriminate.

Walker said...

Blazngfyre: Well next tiem you are in my neck of the woods stop by and you can get a massage :)

nachtwache said...

Holy ...Walker, what subjects. I'll add this, people with smaller sizes can buy a lot more nice looking clothes, it's easier to run, don't have to hold 'em from bouncing around, as mentioned, less back problems, cheaper bras or no need for any. I'd be happy with pre kids size, guys might like more, many women like less. I remember watching a program where women went to get reductions, many of their men were saying "Noooooooooo", :) but they're not the ones lugging those puppies around.