blue moon (2)

Saturday, February 25, 2006

I Know You ©

Like I said I am not going to write another post on this.
If Lisa and her friends want to drag this on, it's up to them.
Alice I have nothing more to say to you.
Since you don't read my blog and only come here when it serves your purpose and in this case being sent here by Lisa there is nothing more I have to say to you.
If any of you think that my friends here where I live don't want to get in this then you would be wrong.
I won't let them.
I fight my own battles.
They were not there so what could they say.
In fact here is a conversation I had with one last night.
Someone Lisa knows.
One more thing.
I will will not turn my blog into Alice's Wonderland.
If the truth burns your ass then get some ointment and treat it.
The next post I will make will be about my weekend and Winterlude.


I have a problem.

I have lots of problems but I have one right now with a comment made on Lisa’s post.
It had this little line in it.

“No one knows who you really are”

You’re wrong!!!!!!!!!!

Most of the people that write on a blog here, writes about themselves.
That means everyone here knows us who reads us.
They know what makes us hurt
They know what makes us happy
They feel the anguish we feel
They know how to love through us when there is none where they are, or they are confused with something and hope for a similarity to draw on. (My relationship would be a bad example at the moment)
We talk on the phone and send each other things.
Some of us have traveled to meet other bloggers.
So they know who we really are.
They have been going through our daily lives and experiencing what we do.
Sure it not first hand but I know I feel someone’s pain when I read about it through something in my past.

Our names are not what makes us unique, it’s our personality that does that.
Our lives and how we choose to live makes us who we are and we show that to our readers or the people who think we are worth reading about.

We bleed our souls here and search for comfort and trust people who we never met to listen to our pain and happiness.
Many of our readers become our friends, even better friends than we have here close to us.

Everyone knows who we are.

Well, maybe you don’t.
You would have to be a Blogger for that and since I didn’t see a link I assume your not. Forgive me if I am mistaken.

The previous post I wrote was to express my feelings.
It’s about how I was feeling while I was in New Zealand.
Everyone was asking me what happened there?
Lisa constantly asked me what I was thinking.
Yesterday we talked on MSN, well argued mostly and I was angry.
I finally did what everyone wanted including her and I was getting bit for it.
Fine, so be it.
Alice’s comments pissed me off.
I should have left according to her.
The fact that I had discussed and cleared everything with Lisa must have completely flown over her head.
I could have thrown Lisa out when she was here and got sick to but I didn’t. I took care of her instead.
The first thing Lisa said to me on MSN was “are you drunk”?
It seems that she thinks I only speak my mind when I am drunk.
No I wasn’t drunk.
She says I ambushed her.
Did I?
I stopped and looked at what I had done and why I posted this post now and not on the 5th of March like I was supposed too.
Maybe I did.
But then I read her posts and saw what she was writing and it just fucked me off.
She said she was rude to me.
If she would have felt what I felt inside me while I was there at times she would have died.
She said she misses me.
Where was she when I was there in her home?
That post was written on the 9th of Feb and sat there on my computer staring at me all this time.
I would go to it 10 times a day and read it.
Confused and dazed I stared at it.
I would delete a “bitch” here a “fucken” there.
I still had more work to do on it.
Who knows, by the time I would have finished it I may not have posted it.
I have deleted a shit load of posts because of Lisa.
I never wanted to hurt her then and I still don’t.
There is only so much I could bottle up.
She said I was vindictive yesterday.
Yes, yes I am if I am attacked.
I will defend myself anyway I can.
Alice said that I attacked innocent people?
People who interfere in someone else’s life and relationship are not innocent.
They are meddlers who fall in the line of fire.
Fuck, Neil wanted my address last year from Lisa so he could send someone over to beat me or kill me.
Sounds innocent to me right?
Lisa also said that my post only had the bad times outlined.
That is true, but when the bad times out weigh the good ones then those are the ones we remember.
The good ones get drowned out.
Just before I left New Zealand, she said to me “I won’t post about our breakup out of respect for you”.
I sat on the plane scratching my head wondering, why did she say that?
What had I done that I needed protection for?
Then she posts about it.

I have never said I didn’t love Lisa and I still won’t.
I don’t want her back, because I don’t want someone who can’t accept me on an equal footing and show me some respect.
Even acknowledge who I am in public.
She has battered my emotions for the last 14 months and even before that.
There is too much of it to write and it will only dredge up bad memories and I am tired.

She even deleted my comment on her last post.
All it said was “I’m sorry my post made you feel like a fool”
I don’t delete comments from mine.
I prefer not to censor my comments for my benefit otherwise Alice’s would have went whoooooooosh off the page.
She says I hate her.
Well, I’m still working on that and it will take awhile for me to forgive her for the way she treated me.
I can sit here and speculate why she was the way she was with me but that would be guessing.

The sad part is………………I’ll keep that to myself.

This is the last post for me on this matter.


No comments: