No No No No ©

Good day all.
I hope all you Americans enjoyed your Thanksgiving dinner.
I know I enjoyed the football.
My Broncos squeaked out a win in overtime.
So that’s2-0 for me on the week.
Now I’ll probably fall apart on Sunday and end up 2-14. Pffft
Sunday we have the equivalent of the Super Bowl up here in Canada.
It’s not really as big as the Super Bowl is in the States; we are a lot smaller in population after all.
We’re lucky to fill the stands.
There is no HUGE party, with millions of people running out loading up on beer and beaver tails.
It’s more of a Kegger.
You know, just a bunch of guys without satellite so they can’t watch the NFL because all the channels have the Grey Cup on.
The Grey Cup
That’s what they call the trophy up here.
I used to think they called it that because it was old and grey.
Its silver plated and tarnished.
You can imagine my shock when I found out it was called the Grey Cup because it was donated by Lord Grey.
I don’t even know why they call it a cup.
Upon taking a close look at it once it resemble an ice bucket more than anything else.
In fact I’m pretty sure I saw Lady Grey crying in a picture when Lord Grey was handing the Cup over to the officials and I could swear she was clinging onto something that resembled a lid.
Hmmmm make you wonder EH.
At any rate I had stopped in at Archie’s today and he was talking about getting a turkey for Sunday and if I thought a 20 pound turkey was enough.
I asked him who was going to be there and he named 6 people including me and him.
LOL
LOL
LOL
LOL
I asked him if the store was out of 30 pound turkeys
LOL
I informed him that with a 20 turkey he wouldn’t have to think about Xmas dinner because he will still be eating leftovers.
He said he was going to make potatoes and stuffing and heaps of other stuff to go with the turkey.
He was getting beer, brandy and of course a 2-4 of coke for me.
So we sat there talking about what he was going to cook up and how fun it was going to be, when the door bell rang.
He answered the door and it was one of his oldest friends. I knew him through Arch.
So we sat there talking when this song comes from the radio which is playing in the back ground.
These are some of the lyrics we heard:

No, No, No, No, I Can't Take It No More
I'm Tired Of Waking Up On The Floor
No, Thank You, Please, It Only Makes Me Sneeze
And Then It Makes It Hard To Find The Door

It’s by Ringo Starr; the song is called the No No song I think.
Archie starts singing with the music and says they don’t make music like that no more.
He asked me if I remember the 60’s and I told him I did but I was 10 at the time of Woodstock.
Then the other one asks Archie if he remembers when they went to Woodstock.
My eyes just bugged open.
Hey Archie, you went Woodstock?
Yeah, 3 of us went me Glen and Paul.
Wow how cool.
What was it like?
There was lots of sex, drugs, and more sex.
Don’t forget the music.
Naw, no one remembers the music, there was too much sex and drugs.
Wow there was that much drugs?
OH yeah, there were tons of it.
I remember we were getting ready to go to New York and we had gotten our booze and hid it under the seat.
Then we picked up an ounce of Afghani hash each and stuffed it down our pants.
Then we headed out for New York.
Weren’t you afraid of getting caught?
No, we were dressed up real nice with ties and the cops at the border didn’t even look at us.
I wouldn’t do that now. I hear they do cavity searches on you when you enter if you look suspicious.
That is now but back then they never checked you.
We crossed into New York and we headed to Woodstock. We got there a day before they started playing and there were thousands of people there already.
They were high on grass and hash and OMG the ACID.
Everyone was dropping acid.
There were people with long hair short hair naked people.
There were people fucking right there on the grass in front of everyone.
There were cops every where too.
They didn’t arrest anyone.
How, everyone was smoking up and fucking.
We parked the car and took a tent and sleeping bags and went to look for a place to camp.
The whole place had a fence around it so we climbed over and went where everyone else was. Then we set up the tent and sat down to party.
The minute we lit up some joints the girls they come running over to party with us.
Man that’s sounds like one hell of a time.
It was, everyone wanted love and we were getting as much as we could.
I have never fucked so much.
Everyone was going crazy.
At night it was like a big orgy and when you fell asleep, you had to sleep with you thumb up your ass so no one would fuck you while you slept.
They were so stone they were fucking everything that wasn’t moving.
Then 2 days later it started raining and everyone started running around naked and jumping into the mud like pigs.
What did you do?
I jumped in the mud too.
The place was big too.
I would be here and Glen would be 200 yards over there with some people he met and Paul would be some where else.
Where would you go to the washroom with so many people?
We went any where man.
You see a bush you just go and wipe your ass with the leaves.
THAT’S GROSS!!!!!!!
What do you think, there was a hotel there.
Everything was like a field.
No showers?
No, everyone jumped into the river and washed.
Everyone was probable pissing in it to.
Yeah probably
How long did you stay?
We stayed until it finished and then we piled into the car and the 5 of us came home.
I thought you said there were 3 of you.
There were, but by the end of the concert we weren’t sure if the other 2 came with us because we were so stoned, so we took them too.
WOW, to bad you didn’t get any pictures?
We took pictures but while Glen was getting fucked one of those broads stole the films on us.
Well I guess you have your memories.
Yeah, but I wish I had some of that hash we smoked in those days it was great.
I know I would have loved Woodstock.
Yeah kid, I know you would have.


Walker

Friday's Jokes

Should Children Witness Childbirth?

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.
The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold the light high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently Kathleen did as she was asked.
Her mother Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom.
Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded,
"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.
Smack his ass again."

Grandpa

There is a merry family gathering with all generations around the table.
The little children (naughty little rascals) smuggle a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink.
After a while, Grandpa excuses himself because he has to go to the bathroom.
When he returns, however, his trousers are wet all over.
"What happened, Grandpa?" he is asked by his concerned children.
"Well," he answers,
"I had to go to the bathroom to pee.
So I took it out, but then I saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back.


YOUR AGE BY BEER MATH
This is pretty neat

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute .
Work this out as you read ...
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have beer (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755 ....If you haven't, add 1754.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.
You should have a three digit number
The first digit of this was your original number(i.e., how many times you want to have beer each week).

The next two numbers are YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)


THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2005) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.


Have a nice weekend

Walker